Thursday, January 29, 2009

My Friday

Its Thursday... but its my friday!! lol.

I have tomorrow off. Peyton doesn't have school... and its my weekend with him, so I decided to take the day off work... and maybe go down and see my sister in Columbus.

Answer to why.

I wrote this on myspace last spring... wanted to post on here too!!!

I was watching a movie tonite with my son... and at one part of the movie... the woman asked the man (after the barn burnt down) Why does your God let things like this happen... And the way he answered her made complete sense to me... i had never thot of it like this before... The explaination... God is our father... just like in the same sense that i am my childrens mother... i am always there.... we can be walking down the road (like walking down the road of life) and my child slips and falls... i do not push him... i do not shove him... i do not trip him... but he still falls... i can not stop him from falling... it happens to quick... but i am there to pick him up... to carry him home... to comfort him... to kiss him... too put a band aide on his boo boo... and to make it all better.... It is the same way with God... he is always with us thru our journey in life... we make mistakes... God doesnt bring heartache and pain into our lifes... it just happens... its part of life... and it happens so fast... God can not always stop us from doing things in our life... but he is still there... watching us... waiting for us to NEED HIM... and when we do.. he is there... ready to pick us up... to mend our boo boos and to comfort us... So its not that he is letting bad things happen to us or making bad things happen to us... we do that.. we make our mistakes... other people make their mistakes... but in the end... God is there for us... to carry us... to comfort us... and above all to love us... and without God... we would still be left on the sidewalk with our boo boo... trying to get up...

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Cavs Game

Peyton and I went to a cav's game last nite with his boy scout troop. We seriously had soooo much fun. This was his first cav's game! I am so happy I got to share this with him! And it was all pretty much free!! It was awesome.. We had the tickets donated to our troop along with a food voucher and t-shirts! We did sit up pretty high... but we could still see good! It was awesome!!! He had a lot of fun! I am so glad we got to have this time together!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Mother's Day 2008- from my other blog

Even though it is now a few days after mother's day... I wanted to write about how wonderful my mother's day was... I honestly think this was one of the best mother's days that I have had in a long time, and I think that is partly because of how I am finally happy with my life... finally happy period! The Lord has blessed me with so so much! And I thank Him every day for all that he has given me... especially my children... This year it seemed everyone wanted to make sure that it was a good mother's day for me... including the ex's! My step-mom went out and bought me two different little plants. Which both are wonderful... a mini palm tree and a money tree... she said she got those for me because every year they get me a hanging basket... and wanted to do something a lil different this year... My dad normally goes with her to pick out what to get me... but unfortunately he is in a rehab facility because he fell and broke his ankle :-(. My son's father got me a cute lil cookie cake that said happy mother's day on it... and also a bag of York Peppermint Patties (my favorite). My daughter's father... well this completely surprised me! He went all out... Of course this was also to include my bday gifts, since he didn’t get me anything for my birthday... But he got me a lap top (course he got my old computer to sell.. lol) and bought me a new couch and chair (which he gets at a major discount from his job... lol) but it was still really nice that he got me all of this! I wasn’t expecting any of it... and he came over and spent the day with me and my daughter and was very very sweet (which he hasn’t been towards me in a while!) so it was a good day...For dinner then, I went with my mom and step-dad and brother and my babies out to eat to Damon's which is bout a half hour min. away... which I ended up getting car sick.. lol. We got their and had a wonderful meal... Towards the end of it... my daughter was sitting on my lap and I started to smell something funky... and then I realized... she pooped... and I didn’t have a change of diapers... wonderful! I was hoping it was solid so maybe I could just get the poop out... and use the diaper enuf till we got home and I could change her.... so a few min. more go past.... and I look down... and there is a wonderful brown stain on my jean... lol.. Great... she's got diarrhea and its leaking out!!!! So I go and take her in the bathroom... grabbing all available napkins from the table first... I am praying that no one else is in the bathroom when I got... because honestly... I really haven’t a clue on what I am going to do... she's got diarrhea... and I have no wipes... no diapers... nothing!!! So we get in their... luckily there is a changing table!! (thank heavens for small miracles!) but of course there are people in there.... so I lay her down... and I look and YES!! there are paper changing pads, which are pretty much the equivalent of a large thick paper towel... but hey... it will help... so I get her cleaned up best I can... and a lil girl walks in... and is in awe of my daughter and how cute she is... so she stops and is like mommy... look how cute his baby is ... she's cute... and in the back of my mind.. all I can think about... is leave me alone!!! I need to change her... and I don’t want everyone to see exactly how I am going to accomplish the feat of diapering my child... with no diaper! So finally the child leaves... and I am alone in the bathroom!! (YEA!!)Luckily... my daughter is wearing tights today... (another small miricle!) and I take the changing pads and fold them length wise... get some napkins, put them on top of the pads.. and get a lot of paper towels... and place - just right- in her tights... lol. my makeshift diaper! And thank the Lord... no more diharrea for the nite... and no pee even till we got home!!!

Gotta Love Being a MOM!

Friday, January 23, 2009

The love of a Father

I was thinking about this just now while I was writing another one of my blogs. (I think wwwaaaayyyy too much sometimes!) I was thinking about my daughters father... and how he is towards our daughter and his other 3 daughters. I know he loves all of his girls. But he rarely if ever shows it. He's too concerned with not having to deal with "baby mama drama" than seeing his girls. And I know that it will eventually have a major impact on all of the kids. I can try and make up for it by being there that much more for my daughter,staying in contact with his ex's and his family to make sure that my daughter knows her sisters and her family on that side. But I am still no subsitute for her father. A fathers love is like no other...
And the that made me start to think about our Lord, our Father. There are so many people out there that do not know God, that do not feel his love in their life and it will eventually have a major impact on their future. We as human try to subsitute that absense of the Father with drinking, drugs, sex, humanly possession... yet still something is missing. The love of our Father. If they would just open their heart to Him they would understand it... The would feel the hole in their soul start to mend and fill up with the love and the power of Jesus Christ. Knowing that our Father Lord loved us so much that he gave up His Son for our sins is the most astounding thought ever... How many fathers out there would be willing to give up something that means that much to them? My daughter's father can't even give up watching a football game to take time to see her or any of his other daughters... Yet God gave us His Son... We just have to accept that gift. Let him into our life, into our heart.

on Red again

Peyton was on red again yesterday in school... it just added to the already bummed out day that I was having... but I tried not to let him see it too too much. I am really starting to wonder if its the teacher... she's a sub. His reg. teacher went on maternity leave back in Oct. and it seems ever since then its been downhill. . I don't want to be one of those mothers who thinks that their child is perfect all the time... because I know my child! But I also don't want to side with the teacher all the time... My son needs to realize that I am here for him too... His reg. teacher comes back on the 2nd.. So I am hoping that things will get a little bit better! But praise God he was on green tuesday and wed. so hopefully today will be a green day again today!!
Sissy has been overly clingy to me today... I don't know what the deal is.. She doesn't want me to leave her anywhere... and when I do finally have to leave... she crys... Every night she ends up in my bed... and then wakes up 2 or 3 times after that... I don't know if she is having bad dreams or what and I feel bad but I need some sleep too!
I joined facebook. I am a die hard lover of myspace... my i joined facebook because two my great friends convinced me into... And now I do like it! It will be my new obsession besides this. and of course myspace! lol.
I talked to Brianna on Wed. It was her birthday. It was good to talk to her... Brianna is sissy's older sister... Sissy's siblings are like this: Aaliyah, Brianna, Arianna, Peyton, then her. All of her sisters and her have the same daddy and her and pey have me! :-) Brianna talked to her sister for the first time ever!! I am hoping to maybe get Bri for a week or a few days over the summer so that way she will at least get to know her sisters up here... People think I am crazy for that because she's my ex's daughter... but what they don't understand is that when I started dating T I accepted his kids (even tho they didn't live with us and I have only met Bri a handful of times and Aaliyah once) as if they were my own... and if I don't make sure that my daughter knows her family... then who will?? Definetely not her father! And plus I love that little girl like she is my own!
Peyton is going with his father this weekend. I am going to miss him but I have a purse party sat so its prob. good cuz otherwise I don't know who would be watching him. So its a girls weekend again! I will be glad when Pey is with me again for the weekend... maybe I'll take him to the rainforest or soemthing.. a movie.. just me and him. but I know he probably won't want to go to a movie or anywhere without sissy... He wants her everywhere that he is. He loves his sister.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Credit Report

Should credit matter when it comes to dating?

When you are dating someone or thinking of dating should their credit score or history even be a factor in "your future together"?
I will admit. I do think about it... I didnt used to and now I am paying for it.
My credit isn't the greatest. And really I have no one to blame but myself. I jokingly blame my ex for it all but really when it comes down to it... its MY credit and MY responsibilty. My ex had shit for credit when I met him... but we agreed to fix it together... we were gonna be together forever and all that, so no big deal. 6 months after we started dating, he lost his job... and was unemployed for 9 months!!! During that time I put almost everything on my credit cards, didn't pay anything off, and the bills just kept piling up, but I figured that we would pay it off TOGETHER as soon as he got a job... Well 2 months after he got a job... We split... and now guess who gets to pay of the bills?? Yup you got it right... ME!!
But I am working on my credit. I have consolidated my cards, and it will be paid of in a couple years. I have actually raised my credit score in the last year. I pay most if not all of my bills on time.. and I am fixing my mistakes...
But should I be leary of a man that had credit that is shit??
If he can't even get a phone in his name? Should that be a considering factor when thinking of a future with a man?
My mom always told me to make sure you keep your credit good. Its like a reputation.. once you loose it... its even harder to get back. And I had faught hard most of my life to keep my credit good... but if a man that I am planning on spending my life with doesn't have the same philosphy as me then what am I to think about our credit future?
I guess I should get the reasoning behind the credit issues... and if there is a plan of repair set up to fix the credit issues before discriminating again a man...
but should I even be thinking about his credit before the idea of marriage is even on the table?

Needing a man

I am a single mother of 2 kids... I work a full time job and 2 part time jobs... My kids are 6 and 2... and both can be a handful. There are more days than not that I am just exhausted by the time I am able to get to bed. There are many days that I am down and tired and just think... if I had a husband things would be so much better. If I had a husband I would be happy...

I am learning more and more everyday that I do not need a husband to be happy. That I do not have to have a man in my life to make things easier on me. I have the Lord. He is the main man in my life... and will always be... and I need to make sure everyday that I keep him as the main man and not just the "back up" when things are down. He is the one who is there with me everyday. He is the one that is helping me through my daily battles. He is the one showering me with so much love and so many blessings. He is the one who makes me whole and completes me.
A man is not going to be able to satisfy my heart unless I have the Lord there first. I will continue to be unhappy even with a man unless I put the Lord in the place that he needs to be... in my heart... in my life...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

okay.. a new tone

I have noticed that this blog has kinda a negative tone about it.. just me complaining about my lil monsters... and that was totally not really my intent.. well in a way i guess it was. I had forgot about an old blog that i had started last summer... and I want to get back to that type of thing... Not just me complaining about how bad of a mom I am or how my kids don't listen.. I need to focus on the good and not the bad... so i will start off on a funny story... this happened last year in April or May I believe... enjoy! and laugh.

scrambled eggs
ok... this is a funny story ... i have been meaning to write on here about this especially this one... it is hilarious!!!
a couple fridays ago... me and the kiddies and my parents go to ihop for dinner... Peyton was in rare form that night... Wouldn't listen for nothing.... so finally he started getting etter and listening to things.... so we got our dinner...
Peyton had chocolate chip pancakes and sissy had scrambled eggs and pancakes... So when petyon got finished eating he decided to g underneith the table and play... and by this poiint i was to drained to fight with him about sitting in his seat...
so sissy is sitting there eating away and she dropped part of her scrambled eggs so peyton was down there was going to pick them and give them back to sissy... as soon as i seem him starting to do that i told him no... theyare kaka... so he decides to put the scrambled eggs in between my toes...
lol. i couldnt believe it... i just looked at him and was like... why did you do that?? and his response was... i dunno..

The number...

Does the number of sexual partners matter? Should it?

Does it matter if he/she has had more partners than you?

Many people think different things when it comes to numbers.. lol.

She's a slut becuase she has slept with x number of people.
He doesn't know how to do it right because he's only slept with x number of people.

I almost always ask a guy... just cause I am curious. I don't think bad on him if he's only been with 1 person or 50. honestly it doesn't really matter. I have been with a guy who was a virgin... and at the time, it was the best sex yet. We had chemisty and he was eager to learn and to please. I have been with a guy who's had sex with who knows how many people (I knew his rep. but he would never tell me the nubmer) and he was great too. And I have been with a guy who's been with 10 or so and he couldn't even figure out how to put it in. So really the number doesn't mean all that much. It comes down to what they are willing to do for you... if they are willing to learn and experiment with you, if they can listen to you and your body and see what works and what doesn't.

Establish your relationship

A coworker and I were talking last night and she confessed to me that she had sex with a guy that she was interested in.
She has know this guy for a while now and has had sex with him before... years back... but they had hung out and one thing led to another and well they had sex... and it was increadible in every aspect of the word... and now she's got a crush on him...

and then comes the downfall of being a woman.

after sex... we starting thinking about the future... marriage... kids... etc...

and she's no exception... but she doesn't even know where they stand... they don't even have a relationship other than just a friendship that is just starting up... She is starting to really like him (sex kinda does that to a girl)... but she doesn't know where they stand... where things are going if anywhere. She wants to text him all the time because he is always on her minds, and she wants to share her daily thoughts and happenings with him... but she is scared to text him becuase she doesn't know if he has the same type of feeling for her or if he was just horny and she was there... She is falling for him... and gets crushed little by little because she doesn't know how he feels and she assumes the worst... (as most women do)

A relationship should be established or at least the lines defined before having sex with someone... so that way after sex everyone is on the same page... you know that its love, a one time thing, a fling, a bootycall, or a buddyf*ck... You know where you stand and what the future holds so you can protect yourself or open your self up for the future. .

Why People Cheat... By Shaz!

One of my greatest friends Shaz wrote this... so I had to share it. its good!!!

Why people cheatShare
Wednesday, January 14, 2009 at 4:08pm Uploaded via Facebook Mobile
People always wonder... "Why did this person cheat on me?"
The answer is simple......
Something or another is missing from your relationship.
So it might be the best way to deal with it....
But why not try and figure out WHY it happened...instead of passing judgement or making assumptions.
Because chances are..... YOU could be the problem!
When a person feels like they are hurt or they arent good enough...they might step out of character for a minute. (Which isnt always right....but it happens).
And it takes a very strong-minded or understanding individual to accept this.
It seems like people are too quick to immediately pass judgement on others....but when you put THEM on the stand....they cant handle the pressure.
Try giving yourself a self-analysis for once.
these are a few reasons why people cheat...or get cheated on....
1. YOU DONT LISTEN- Meaning that a person feels that nothing they ever say matters to you. And then they need you there to be that 1 person to listen....your mind is always in outter space.
Pay attention even when they are talking about shit that maes no will mean the world to them.

2.They dont feel ATTRACTIVE to you anymore- Meaning that all they wanna hear is that they look "beautiful" every now and then...or be reminded how sexy or intelligent they are.... it aint rocket science!
It dont sound like much. But it means a lot.

3.PHYSICAL,MENTAL,AND/OR VERBAL ABUSE- Thats self-explanatory.... who wants to deal with that?

4.Your M.I.A.!- Meaning your never around...whether you got 6 months in the joint...or you feel you have better things to do... Physical presence IS an important part o a relationship...even if its an hour here and there.

5.Sexual Incompatiblity- Meaning that you just cant find common ground in the sack. Or one of you 2 hate sex and the other is sexual. Or you have a "problem" that CAN be fixed by the wonderful world of medicine...but you wont try because of your fear of embarrassment. is an important part of a no excuses!

6.Variety IS the Spice of life- Meaning no matter WhAT the case.... you have an unsatifiable craving for sex with a variety of people...and no ONE person can satisfy or quench this thirst... you have WHORE in your DNA.

7.Finacial Reasons- Meaning that one or the other isnt contributing financially to the relationship. and one person is fed up with carrying the load on their own. Which produces STRESS... which induces cheating....when left untreated. Nothing worse than a lazy individual.

8.DRUGS- With the exception of pot.... Nobody wants to deal with a junkie! Unless its a case of common interest...that person will eventually get tired of your crackhead ass ...and cheat....or just leave you alone.
Although some people claim that liqour occasionally has "dominion" over them... and they "unwilling" end up in the sack with a monster. Stop like to fuck ugly people! :)

9.Insecure- Meaning they are always accusing you of cheating or fuckin around. Even when your innocent. It comes to a point to where if your being made guilty of it constantly... you might as well BE guilty of it. besides that....its usually the guilty party thats doing the ACCUSING.

10.That EX that just WONT go away!- Its usualy somebody they were in love with in the past that they are secretly STILL in love with. And your really the "rebound guy/girl" or "space-filler" until that person gets their shit together...then they can leave You for that person.


The last few days have been absolutely wonderful!!! God seriously has been listening and answering my prayers...
Peyton was on green yesterday!!! wahoo!!!
He was with his father all weekend- friday thru monday. I went and picked him up on monday... we came home and my good friend J came over and he made me and the kids dinner. (I have been helping him thru somethings and so to show his appreciation he did this for me) So while he made dinner me and Peyton played monopoly... and he kicked my butt... We ate dinner and I played with the kids somemore... they both went to bed so good for me..
Peyton was on green yesterday!!!
We went to my mom's after work yesterday... and the kids were wild and crazy there.. but a good wild and crazy.. a happy wild and crazy, not a mean angry wild and crazy. It was a lot of fun.. they got wore out. We came home and they still were so good... My friend Julio stopped over for a bit and Peyton warmed right up to him. They were trying to figure out how to play bakugan's and everything.. It was really sweet. Sissy of course wanted to be right up on my lap and no where near him.. (She's already got issues with men lol). When I said it was time for bed, neither of them faught me or anything!!! It was wonderful. Sissy grabed her blankie and her ba and went right in and layed down in her bed and didnt get out till like 1am!! NO fighting me or anything. Peyton went to sleep in my bed and there was no problem there either! I was so happy!!
I hope this continues today!!
Thank you Jesus for this wonderful day!!!


OK!!! This is me ranting and raving!!!
But seriously!!
I went to McDonald's this morning. I was in a good mood and was in the mood for some good coffee (better than work coffee) and some cookies too.. mmm.. cookies.. And I figured while I was there I would get my coworker who also happens to be one of my great friends some coffee and 2 apple pies...
Well I tell them my order... pretty simple I thought...
2 large coffees
~1 with 9cream-9sugar
~1 black
3 choc chip cookies
2 apple pies

Total came to 3.18 with tax... which suprised me...So then when I got to the first window I asked the woman if she had got everthing I wanted (cuz each thing was a dollar... shoulda been at least $4) She said yes and handed me the reciept... so I guess cookies are free??? mmm... anyone know anything about this? So anyway- I go to the next window. and the chic gave me the bag with the food... I quickly checked it. Everything was there...
Then she handed me the coffee....
and stated that the one with the things pushed in was the one with the 9cream and 9sugar and the other one was the black... So I drive to work... sip mine... doesnt seem like they put the right stuff in.. but ok whatever.. I taste the other one.. and it about tastes the same.. but again I really don't think anything of it... becasue the chic told me which was which.
I get into work and I give my friend his coffee and apple pies... He thanks me.. I go to my desk, sit down... and then he comes up.. and asks me if I had his coffee. The one he had has cream and sugar in it. So I double check... and what do you know.. looks like they BOTH have cream and sugar in it....
So now I am wondering.... Did the chic that told me that ONE was cream and sugar and the other was NOT.... know what the heck she was talking about??? I mean seriously... its not that hard of a job to figure out which is which... There wasn't a long line inside or out... There weren't a million orders going thru at the same time... So why was this so hard to get right? I know most of the time if I order more than one coffee... one gets screwed up... whatever... But to point out which is which to me.... and tell me that the one was black... comeon now...
Seriously there is a lack of communication between empoyees... Maybe a remedial reading and comprenstion class is needed??
Now don't get me wrong. I am downing anyone that works at McDonald's. I am glad that you do. I am not saying anything negative about that... The thing that bothers me and it wouldn't matter if you worked at McDonald's or Microsoft... If you tell me exactly what something is... and its wrong... you are still an idiot.
(now i know i have made my fair share of mistakes. and i am an idiot too. everyone is an idiot at one time or another.)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The coffee!!!

Ok. this is more of one for me to complain in! lol.

I am at work... we have a "community" coffee pot/machine.

Why is it that when someone drinks the last little bit of coffee... they just leave it... leave the pot empty, leave it on... Is it really that hard to make more?? Seriously.

It frustrates me so bad that I make a pot of coffee, get a cup.. go work... then 15 minutes later I go to get a cup of coffee and the pot is empty...

Seriously is it that freakin hard to make a pot of coffee??!!??

That agrivates me!

Have just a little bit of common curtousey for your fellow coffee drinkers and make another pot. Or don't drink the coffee!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

I'm on face book

Kitty Ruth's Facebook profile

Virginity... worth saving... could make millions one day.,2933,480037,00.html

This is insane... Nothing more than prostitution!!!

Well at least now Mom's can tell their young girls- "don't have sex sweetie, you don't wanna loose your virginity... you might be able to sell and make millions one day!"




Yesterday my pastor gave a wonderful sermon. He talked about so much that hit so close to my own heart that I wanted to share at least one part of it... and if He deems needed, I will continue on to the other part...
He was talking about him and his wife... when they first met, I guess they were having issues and weren't sure if they were right for each other or ment to be. (at least this is the way I understood it). But he went on to talk about how his wife was praying one day. Praying for guidence, praying for knowledge, praying for her and him... and she had a vision of a circle... God spoke to her. She seen herself and our paster on the outside of this circle, and God on the inside. God told her that the shortest distance to our pastor was straight across the circle- thru God. They could each keep trying to go around the circle - the long way around- and it would take forever -to reach each other fully- if they even made it that far... They only way they would truely and fully come together is thru God. If they both weren't in the center of that circle, if they weren't in God then they would have a long distance to each other to make the relationship work. They needed to find God first.
A quote that I love is : A woman's heart should be so hidden in God, that a man must first find God and know Him before he can find her heart. And the same thing goes the other way too... Each person's heart should be so hidden in God that no one can get to it unless they are hidden in God also.
I love this picture... the only way to true love, a good solid relationship is thru the center of the circle... thru God.

Ok.. the second part of this message is about brokeness. Our Paston was telling us about when he was younger how he had broken his wrist. And how he was feeling miserable because of it, in pain, couldnt do what he wanted to do etc... But he was also told that once the bone healed, it would be stronger than before he broke it. That is also true for us humans. When we are down, and feel broken, not worthy- God is there mending our wound and makeing us stronger (what doesn't kills us only make us stronger).

I know when I was dating my daughter's father... it was really hard for me. I loved this man whole heart and soul... more than I should have. And I know he loved me too but had his demons and couldn't show me the love than I needed... when we finally split up the 2nd time- it devestated me... it broke me. I felt worthless, unloved, like I had been fighting for nothing... over the next few months that followed that I faught with depression, didn't eat, didn't sleep... was on a roller coaster of emotions because of this man- one day he wanted me the next not... And one night, I was at my lowest... was so depressed, felt like I was worthless, like no one loved me, like I was completely alone in this world (now before certain people start leaving my comments that I wasnt- I know I wasn't alone that I did have friends and family but at 11oclock on a work night I am not going to start calling up people that I knew didnt understand where I was at or where I was coming from)... I was broken. And I called out to the Lord... I was on my knees, I apologized for my sins, I asked Jesus Christ in to my heart , my soul, my life.... and I became stronger. I was able to stand up to the man that hurt me so bad, I was able to start healing (which even to this day a year later, I still am not totally healed) I was stronger... because I was first broken.
When your sprit is broken- know the God is there, wanting to mend you, wanting to heal you, to make you stronger- You just have to let Him in.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Virginity... worth saving... could make millions one day.,2933,480037,00.html

This is insane...

Nothing more than prostitution!!!

Well at least now Mom's can tell their young girls- "don't have sex sweetie, you don't wanna loose your virginity... you might be able to sell and make millions one day!"



sex without orgasim... a man's worst fear!

Researchers advice that it is best not to focus on orgasm too much as it can be self-defeating especially for males. It’s best to think about sex as an erotic activity with pleasurable after effects and bonding. Plus improved health, with some great side benefits!.

I found this quote and I love it!!!

I know me personally and a few of my good female friends have had many conversations about sex and having an orgasim. And the problems that they have to acheive orgasim with a man. They have no problem when alone.. but with a man is a totally different story. And the men that they have been with and their reactions to not being able to make a woman cum.

I had one man I was in a relationship with tell me that he didn't want to have sex with me becuase he could not make me cum. He felt like less of a man because of it. I understand that feeling to a point. I have been with men that go soft in the middle of the whole thing... and the first thought that comes to my mind is - what am I doing wrong? do I not arouse him? does he not find me sexy? etc. etc. But never have I once been like. Oh well I will not have sex with you again because of it! It makes me want to work harder, to pay better attention to see what he likes and doesn't like, and to ask him what feels good and what doesn't.

There are many different reason why a woman may not be able to orgasim other than she doesn't like you or you aint good in bed. She may not feel all that great, stress, a lot on her mind, insecurity, displeasure with herself or her body, nerves (esp. if its the first time), has pleasured herself and gotten used to doing it herself and there are many other reasons I am not aware of I am sure.

I love it when a man tells me that I am the only girl that he has never made cum. I have to laugh (normally on the inside to not offend him) but then I tell him, majority of those women, were probably faking! Now I am not saying that all of them were... but I can almost guarentee that no man has made every single women he has slept with (if its more than one) orgasim every single time they have had sex. I am not a porn star... and I will not fake an orgasim. To me, that just seems silly... why lie?

One thing a man has to learn to realize... for most women. Sex isn't always about the orgasm... Its about the connection with the person you are with, the endorphens that are relased thru sex and the adreneline you feel from sex, the love in many cases.

A lie...

Can a relationship started out with a lie beable to stand the test of time???

If in the very begining of a relationship... your partner tells you a small white lie... like they dont smoke, they dont drink, they only been with 5 people when really they have been with 50, they are a virgin... can the relationship work... can you beable to still trust them in the long run of the relationship?

And if they lie from day one... can you ever trust them in the future???

Thursday, January 15, 2009


I recieved this in an email this morning! Thought I would share it with you... and of course my thoughts will be in pink in caps at the end of his rules!

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear 'the rules' From the female side ...Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. TO ME... IT JUST LOOKS BETTER IF THE SEAT AND THE LID ARE DOWN. NO ONE NEEDS TO SEE THE SHIT STAIN THAT YOU JUST LEFT ON THE INSIDE OF THE TOILET.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. YOU CAN STILL FUNCTION DURING A FULL MOON OR THE TIDES... YOU WILL JUST BE A LITTLE CRANKY.. YOU'LL GET USED TO IT.


1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! YEA CUZ EVEN JUST SAYING IT WORKS.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. YOU ARE RIGHT... IF YOU ARE 2... O WAIT YOU HAVE THE BRAIN OF A TWO YEAR OLD.. ITS OK.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. THEY ARE FOR SOLVING IT TOO...

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. LIKE YOU WOULD REMEMBER ANYWAY

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us. IF YOU THINK YOUR ARE GONNA HAVE SEX WITH US TONITE... YOU ARE PROB. WRONG. SO DONT ASK.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one OK.. AND WHAT WE SAY CAN BE INTERPRETED BY EXACTLY WHAT WE SAY... WE WANT THE PIPES CLEANED.. IT MEANS JUST THAT.. GO GET THE CLOG OUT OF THE SINK!

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. SAME GOES FOR YOU HONEY. AND NORMALLY WE DO IT BETTER AND THE RIGHT WAY!

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. LIKE LETS GO HAVE SEX? YOU REALLY WANT ME TO WAIT TO SAY THAT?

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. YEA... HE ENDED UP IN THE WRONG FREAKING COUNTRY!!!

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not Acolor. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. IF YOU DID, YOU MIGHT WANNA CHECK AND MAKE SURE YOUR BALLS ARE STILL THERE

1. If it itches, it will be scratched..We do that. DOES THAT MEAN IF YOUR ARE AN IDIOT WE CAN SLAP SOME SENSE INTO YOU?

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. NOT WORTH THE HASSLE... AND THATS WHY YOU WONT GET LAID TONITE.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. WELL I HAVE TO AGREE ON THIS ONE. (READ BLOG:

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. MMMM... SO MY FRESHMAN YEAR HOMECOMING DRESS IS GOOD TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING?

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports SUCH SIMPLE MINDS.



1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! SO IS A DONUT- DOESNT ME WANT WANT TO SLEEP WITH ONE!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

the little butterflies...

I have those little butterflies in my tummy!!

My reconnection friend came over last nite to watch a movie. We seen Pineapple Express... it was freaking hilarious!!!! We couldnt believe they said the things they did.

He was such a gentleman tho... didn't try anything with me...

He even made up a reason to hold my hand: he took my hand and was like- wow you have a lot of rings (maybe not word for word) and since my hand was in his... he just didn't let go... aawww... lol.

We cuddled and watched the movie, and talked about a lot of things. I am really looking forward to the next time!

When he left he was still a gentleman, he just kissed me sweetly on the lips and hugged me... but we both kinda lingered there by the door... both wanting more time, more (for lack of a better word) passion... so he hugged me again... and kissed me.... and then i took the initiative, and kissed back more passionatly... it was wonderful...

and i have butterflies now just thinking about it...

and i want to see him again... like now... want to feel his arms around me... want to feel his lips against mine...

but i am also sooo scared... scared of getting my hopes up... scared of really falling for him... scared of getting hurt... scared of rushing into things... making mistakes...

but also... i am enjoying the butterflies... and even if it doesn't work out... this is nice... this is fun... i am blessed that at least I get this feeling because so many people out there don't ever have the chance to feel the "love butterflies" in their bellys!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

semen and happiness... a common link?

Great Article

But wait, there’s more. A recent study of college students at the State University of New York in Albany suggests that semen acts as an antidepressant. Females in the study who were having sex without condoms (see safe sex caution, above) had fewer signs of depression than women who used condoms or abstained from sex.
“These data are consistent with the possibility that semen may antagonize depressive symptoms,” the authors wrote, “and evidence which shows that the vagina absorbs a number of components of semen that can be detected in the bloodstream within a few hours of administration.”
I kid you not, ladies. Semen is good stuff. It gives a shot of zinc, calcium, potassium, fructose, proteins -- a veritable cornucopia of vitality!

My friend and I were talking about this the other night... the health benefits of sex and semen.. lol.

She said the funniest things (had to quote ya sweetie, well not word for word)...
If swallowing cum make me less depressed and feel better... id be sucking dick all day!


Some other great articles:

Great quote:
“You can’t say that semen makes women happy, because it’s not true,” he said. “Semen only modulates mood.”

FYI- I am not saying everyone should go out and have unprotected sex period. We should all be careful about who you have sex with and ALWAYS use protection until you are in a manogomous relationship.

what a woman will do for love... lost...

I was listening to a friend talk to another friend the other day...

She was talking about how when she was little, her mom took her to a bar to find the man the mom was in love with. Or how he mom sent her into a bar a couple times looking for this man.

It is amazing what a women will do with her kids in tow to find a man if she thinks he's cheating, because of jealousy and insecurity.

I am just as guilty as the next person for it too!!

Back in Oct. my ex and I tried to get back together... 2days later all of a sudden he didnt want to be with me... just wanted to stay how we were... I was devestated... this man had my heart... so my first assumtion was that he was seeing someone else... One evening he said he was gonna go play basketball... so i text him and asked if he wanted to stop by and hang out... no answer... an hour goes by and I knwo he should be done playing... so I text again... no answer... so i call.. and call and call.. now i am getting pissed and worried.... 330 in the morning... he still hadnt answered... so I knew something was up... so I got my kids up out of bed (on a school night) and into the car... and we drove past his house... HE WASNT HOME!! hhmm... so I drove past his ex's. He wasnt there either. Finally 7am he text me. He went out with friends.. (right!) and didnt get home till 4. But I did something stupid. I shouldnt have given into my fears, my insecurities and taken my kids out of the house at 330 in the morning to go looking for a man that obviously was not worth my time nor effort.

I remember when I was little, about 7 or so, my parents were in the middle of their divorse, my dad had his own place... and I guess my mom had talked him earlier... andhe said he was gonna shower and then go do laundry... My mom knew him well enough that he didnt shower at night just to do laundry... Later on she called again. No answer... so she bundled me and my bro up (on a school night) and took us over to his apartment... My dad's car was gone. So we sat there and waited... and waited... and waited... and then she seen him... walking in the apt. with a woman.

Hell broke loose for a moment in time.

Why do we give in to our fears and worries? why do we become phsycotic bitches when a man is messing with our hearts? Why do we give them that power that they obviously aint worthy of?

What is the crazy thing you have done to check on a man you are in love with? What were the results?

thinkin bout marriage... on the first date.

women are notorious for this... me included...
thinking about the man that is sitting across the table from you on your very first date... what being married to him would be like? what sex with him would be like? what kissing him would be like? what living with him, having kids with him etc... would be like?

I know I over analyze everything... and from the first date forward, I want to know where we are going, where we stand, what the future holds, especially if this is a man that I really feel like I connected with...

I have to know how the man feels. I have to know if he thinks we have a future. Because if he aint in it for the long haul... then why should I be putting my heart on the line then?

Why does a woman have to over analyze every situation? Why cant she just sit back and try and enjoy it? Enjoy a man trying to woo her... even if he's not her soulmate? A nice friendship might result in it if everyone can stay mature about things.

Another thing I am totally guilty of is: having sex to early in a relationship... 2-3-4 weeks into and unfortunately soon sometimes too.... then after sex... everything changes... feelings change, hopes change, desires change... and I become even more obsessed with know where we stand.. is there a future... because now that we have taken that step... I have given him part of my heart....

So women... maybe we should just enjoy the moment. Dont start planning your future from day one... You cant put a roof on a house before you put the floor down. And think before you take a step that will leave you valuerable to being heart broken.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


So... i picked p up from school on my lunch and guess what!! he was on red... he had to go and sit at the principals office today because he wouldnt stop acting out.
I am at my wits end with him. I dont know what to do anymore... NOthing i do or say gets thru to him.
He has a doc appt sat... i am going to tell her that i want him tested or something because this is just getting out of hand.
I picked S from the sitter and then took them both over to my moms. S didnt want me to leave... she kept holding onto my finger and kept patting the seat for me to sit down...

Lunch is too hectic.

talking about past sex...

I was talking with a good friend last night... And he was telling me how him and this girl that he was also friends with were talking about sex, how many people they have had sex with and whatnot... then she starts going on and on about on person in particular.. how great the sex was, how it was the best she ever had, etc. The messed up part of the situation, is that my friend and her have had sex... as of just recently...

Should this be a conversation that you have with someone that you have had sex with? Should you brag about how great this other person was with someone you have already had sex with... especially just of recently?

It made him feel very uncomforable. He felt like maybe he didn't do something right, or he wasn't good enough. Becuase it seemed to him that he didnt even compair to her other partner.

But they are just friends. Friends talk about things like this. But did she cross a certain line that got drawn the moment they had sex?

is it ok to date more than one person??

Is it ok to "date" or "talk" more than one person at a time?

Can you have more than one person that you go out with on a date? Hang out with? Hold hands with? kiss with? have sex with?

Where should the line be drawn? Me personally don't think you should be having sex with more than one person at a time... nor do I think you should be having sex until you have established a secure, stable, committed relationship with a person either.

But is it wrong to "date" more than one person at time? Why should you limit yourself to just one person to find out who your soulmate is?

Is it wrong to have a crush on more than one person at a time? To wonder what the future would be like?

I think as long as everything is open and upfront... you shouldnt have to become committed with someone that you are just starting to get to know... but once the line is drawn and crossed that you are going to be committed.. on going to "talk" to that one certain person... going to go to the next "step"... than all other people are out of the picture.


P was on green today... but his teacher had to have a talk with me... he wasnt paying attention in school. He was playing with his crayons stacking them over and over again... so she had to talk with me about it. I will b so glad when his reg. teacher comes back to school. It seems like he has gone down hill since his teacher went on maternity leave... I mean he's always his fits and everything.. but it seems like it has just gotten worse and worse. On the way home he was acting over hyper and obnoxious. Wouldnt listen to me talk, kept making funny noises... I also notice that his new shoelace that I put in his shoe that morning... was missing... this is the 3rd shoes lase in the last couple months that I had put in his shoe! So I asked him what happened to it... He said he didnt know. I told him from now.. "i dont know" is not an acceptable answer. So i asked him again... he still didnt know... so I told him that he had to write sentences that he would not take the shoe lace out of his shoe since he didnt know what happened to it... later on his told nani that a bully took it out of his shoe... (who once used to be his bestfriend) i am not sure if i believe this story or not.
S was a little cranky today.. She wanted to be held or right by me all day. She wasnt feeling that good so i gave her some medicine and she went right to bed on time... Then she woke up around 10 and didnt want to go back to sleep because my friend l was over... so i kept putting her back in her room... after the 2nd time she cryed herself to sleep.. when i went in and checked on her before i went to bed she was alseep on the floor in front of the door... aw..

Monday, January 12, 2009

reconnected after all theses years... ok.. like 3. lol.

I went out with my friends this past weekend and i reconnected with a friend from a few years back.

We had a lot of fun... talked some, drank some, danced some.

We exchanged numbers. And are planning on hanging out again...

He's sweet and everything... I am just feeling a little weird about it... because of my past...

My ex used to be a friend of his... and another friend of his and I have slept together...

so... I dont know exactly how I feel about all of this... I don't want it to seem like "i get around" with all the friends...

And I am not sure where the relationship would go if it even could go past friendship...

I have become very picky and wont settle.

I am worried about how it all would turn out... and I guess I am a little scared to...

Textically Challanged.

My bff and I have this conversations at least once a day about how inconsiderate people are when they text... I mean I know everyone has issues here and there with texting faux pas and I will include myself in this... but there are people that are chronically textically challenged and break every decency rule there is to texting.

The biggest pet peeve that I know of... Is when you are having a conversation with someone... you send them a text... (after like 5 or 6 messages back and forth) and they do no reply...
~ if you have to leave the conversation... say so.. a simple.. gotta go.. or even brb (be right back) would be nice... would you just hang up on someone with out saying good bye? same thing!

* exceptions to this... you are are work, driving (prob. shouldn't be texting anyway), loose service or phone dies

2- When you send someone a question... and they reply with something totally unrelated to the questions... completely avoiding it.
~ if you do not want to answer... don't... if you need time to think... take a min or too or at least send brb to the person so they know you got it... and will reply... don't just ignore them.

3-The infamous forwarded text messages... lol. where you open it and have to scroll down 3 lines just to get to the message... and to find out you and your mom is gonna die if you don't send to 300 people in 3 seconds. lol.
~ Ok.. i understand sometimes there are great forwarded messages... but if that is all you send out.. there is a problem there... learn to have a conversation too... it might do ya some good.
~ if the recipient might "die" because of this text message cuz they dont send it to 300 or so people in 3 sec... why send it?? do you want the death of a friend or bad luck of them for a year to be on your hands??
~ and IF you do send a forwarded text message delete the fwd. fwd. fwd. fwd. crap thats at the beginning! I get charged per text message and if the first message of a incredibly long message is just fwd... i m gonna be pissed. lol.

4- You send a long detailed text message to someone... and they reply back with one word.
~ if i take the time to type something out.. have enough courtesy to at least reply back with more than just a one word answer... if you were talking or emailing... would you just say/reply with one word? why should texting be any different?

5- If you are working with the public... don't text while or instead of helping a customer.
~ seriously? this is just plain rude. DO YOUR JOB!

6- If you are having a verbal conversation with a friend... don't have 5 different conversations going via text message with other people... (i am guilty of this one tho)
~ this is a hard one.. cuz if a text comes in.. you can't ignore it... (that would break one of these rules! lol) so just reply back... im with a friend.. text ya in a bit...

7- Don't have a textorsation (text conversation) while watch a movie in a theater...
~ turn the phone off for a lil bit... or at least on silent... you will survive with out the phone in your hand... you will not miss out on the world... and the messages will be there when you get done...

8- Don't keep resending the same fwd text message to the same person over and over again...
~ if they don't reply... obviously they don't give a crap about fwd messages. some people just delete when they see fwd.

9- Back with #1... when someone send you a text message... you reply... then you hear nothing from them for like an hour... or two... or three... or 24!
~ if you just sent me a message and i reply and start a conversation... don't just stop. say ok thanks, ttyl, busy atm, something! I know you are right by your phone- u just text me!!

10- Texting while talkin on the phone... like the person that your talking to... wont hear you click click clicking away! (i am so guilty of this)
~ you don't have to be "talking to more than one person at a time" we know you are popular... you don't have to prove it. it's kinda rude. if you want to "talk" to more than one person... text everyone.. don't call.. lol.

11- Texting while driving... (i am so totally guilty of this)
~this is more of a safety thing... especially if you have a qwerty keyboard.. hard to do with one finger... but i will say if you have an "old style" phone where you still have numbers and not a keyboard... you might be so good at texting that you know where the numbers/letters are... how many time you need to hit the 5 to get a L and 90% of the time... you don't even need to look at the phone to send a text message... of course you kinda have to look at it to read the reply- if you get one back! lol.

12- Sending the wrong person a text message. to me this one is just hilarious!
~ double check before you hit send on who you are sending a text too... you ex's mom doesn't need to know that the dude you banged last nite was more endowed than your ex. lol.

What are you opinions? What do you have the people or even your self do while texting?
Do you know anyone that is textically challenged?

Sunday, January 11, 2009


The weekend was pretty good. We had a snow storm so me and the kiddies went out and played in the snow... they both loved it.

I had to have a talk with P this weekend... he took a ring out of my jewelry box that I have over at my moms house... so i was asking him where he got it... why... did he ask permission... i told him that he wasnt aloud to have his game cube for the weekend because he took it with out permission and that is considered stealing. I hope this isnt going to become a habit.

We had a lot of fun tho. We all sat around and cuddled and watched movies most of the weekend. It was nice and relaxing

Friday, January 9, 2009

Stood up.

I was stood up last
Not many people tell others about it... but its starting to be a theme in my life...

This is the second time this man has stood me up. We are just friends... At one time I had more feelings for him that I do now... And just a few days ago he sent me a text message that " I will be his this year"!! right. whatever.
Why dont people at least have the deceny to call someone or an email or something that say... I am sorry, I can't make it.
I half expected to get an email or somethng from him today saying he was sorry something came up... but nope. nothing. I mean did he compeltely forget that we had plans last night? (even tho we had made the plans the day before?)
Does he just not have any respect for me at all that he can't at least call and cancel? What goes thru men's minds??? Seriously! This is absurd!

I know I am not the perfect woman... I am not drop dead gorgeous.. I am not the most outgoing... Yea I got my issues... I got "baggage" but still... I dont deserve treatment like that... no one does. The one and ONLY time I ever had to cancel plans on him... I told him asap. Why dont I deserve the same from that man???

I am done. I am over it and over him. I just find it funny that people are so inconsiderate to other... I will find someone better. I know God has a husband out there waiting for me... getting him ready to be my man... same as he's getting me ready to be that mans wife... and obviously... the man that stood me up- aint the one.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

need to get away from him.

I went to bible study last night... The first time in a long time for me... and the first time at the new church that I am going to...

We were talking to each other and then we prayed... and I realized i need to get away from at least one certain person in my life... my ex.

He was over before I went to bible study to do laundry (i am an idiot.. and am too nice) and to see his daughter for a whole 1/2 hour. lol.
The whole time he was there was one negativity after another after another... I told him I was going to bible study.. and he was like.. why? Its a waste of time. What you going there to meet someone? Who's going with you? Are you going to become one of those "holy rollers"? I feel like I am constantly having to defend myself to this man... and why? He's my ex. Why do I care what he thinks?? Why do I care what he says?? I will be so glad when our tie is broke.. When I don't have to talk to him for anything...
Unfortunately right now there is still one thing beside our daughter that ties me to him... He owes me money every month. And I know once that is done... I will be that much closer to being done too... and I know that once that is done... He will be gone... His daughter will only be another little girl that he sees only when its convenient for him because I am sure he will find some reason to hate me or not be able to see me and because of that... will not be able to see his daughter... he has 3 other daughters... that he's doesn't see because of hate for their mothers or caregivers... so I know that my daughter will be no different.
But I do not need that negativity in my life... I don't need to have to feel like I have to defend myself to anyone especially him!!!

The best part tho... is that I finally realize the negativity... I realize he will just drain me of my soul eventually... and then I will be nothing... But I have God now... and I will not let myself succumb to that.

just in a "they can kiss my butt" kinda mood

Today... I am over tired... and just in a blah mood...
and already today... i have thot about coworkers or boss or just other people in general and in my head... just been like ya know what... they can kiss my butt if they dont like this or that...

I hate being in moods like this. Its like the devil has a hold of my thots and my heart at the moment and I cant let it loose...

you ever have days where you just don't feel yourself.. just aint in a good mood... and its like nothing you do or think can get you out of that feeling...

i hate this...

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

new consequences

It was brought to my attention that its hard for the Grandparents of P to obey all of my consequenses for P when he is over there since he doesnt have a "room"over there and everConsequences for issues at School

YELLOW: No TV, No movies and no sleeping in my bed.If more than once in a week: In room for that nightIf more than twice in a week: Toy box out of roomIf more than 3x in a week: In room door closed
At Grandparents house:
1x- no TV
2x- no computer, ds, ps2/3, wii, game system of any type
3x- no outside activity- riding bike, swimming, skating, movie etc. RED: No TV, No movies, no sleeping in my bed, in own room for the night.If more than once in a week: Toy box out of room, door closedIf more than twice in a week: Toy box out of room for a week, door closedBetter not happen anymore times!
At Grandparents house:
1x- no TV, no computer, no game system of any type
2x- no out side activity- riding bike swimming, skating, movie etc.
PRINCIPLES OFFICE, NOTE HOME,ETC: No TV, No movies, no sleeping in my bed, In own room for one week, TV out of room, toy box out of room, Door closed. At Grandparents house: no TV, no movies, no outside activities, no game systems… may read, write in journal, or color.
ything... so i have made a few changes...


Today was alright... P was on yellow again today... 2nd day in a row... so he was supposed to be in his room the whole nite... bbuuuuuttt.. he was at my moms tonite since i had a purse party meeting that I had to go to... so I told him and her that he was on punishment and couldnt do anything realliy over there... well it all went down from there.. lol.
At dinner he was just obnoxious and disrespectful... finally it got to the point where I had to pick him up and spank him... bare bottom... twice... the 2nd time.. he got the hint that I wasnt playing anymore... and he sat on the chair.. I told him that when he was ready to come and sit down at the table and act right he could.. He sat there for about 10-15 min.. and when he came back.. he was good and was good the rest of the night.
Sissy was a pistol again tonite... i think she feed off how her bro acts and then acts the same...
I feel sorry for my mom... but after I went to my meeting I guess things settled down good...

they both went to bed pretty good for me last nite. thank goodness.

1/2-1/4/09- THE WEEKEND

The weekend was good... P spent all Friday with his dad. His step mom picked him up first thing in the morning before I went to work... and then they went over to P's uncles house for the evening. His dad brought him home around 9or so...
S and I went out to dinner with my parents... boy was she a pistol today... threw everythng down off the table... just a ball full of energy.
But she did go to bed really good for me!
P had his doc appt on Sat. It went really good. The doc finally sat down alone with him and talked... so I am hoping that it did a lil bit of good. We go back on the 17th for another appt.
After the appt. I went and picked up A- S's sister, and we went to Grandma B's for lunch and to get our presents for N- my step-sister from Maryland. We all hung out together for most of the afternoon. It was a lot of fun... yet I was completely exhausted... We came home... and I just wanted to lay down and take a short nap... which was almost impossible. So after a short bit, I got up and went and started making dinner. We had chicken and pasta with this parmesean cheese sauce... mmmm... so good.
After dinner I tried to clean up a lil bit since my friend LW was coming over with a few other friends... but that is almost impossible with 3 kids running around!
Finally it was time to put S to bed... and yea this was an all night ordeal... up and down till at least midnite if not later... A got homesick and called her mom and she came and got her. P was being a brat and ended up just going to sleep.
Sunday we got up and went to church. S went into the nursery. I tried to get P to go to the kids church but he didnt want to, so he stayed right with me... After service P and I went to go get S and she looked so sad... she was tearing up trying not to cry... but was so happy to see me. I think she seen all the other mothers coming and picking up their kids...but didnt seem me... and started to worry... aaww.. poor girl.. After church we went home and got some lunch... I was already over exhausted and not feeling all that great... and I swear the kids knew it... so they both were acting up and crazy.. finally it was time for a meeting with JH for Primerica... so we headed over there... and the kids played together with her kids and it was one point S came down stairs and said I poop mommy... I told her to wait a min.. and I went out to the car and got her a clean the time I got back in.. She had gone upstairs to the bathroom... took her diaper off... put the poop in the toilet... wiped herself and pulled her pants back up!!! i was amazed... I guess its time to start potty training! We came home after the meeting... and we all sat on the couch and watched a movie... S fell asleep and I did for a minute. P was up the whole time. :-( After the movie we went over to my moms for dinner. I didnt have the energy to cook anything. I was supposed to have another Primerica meeting that evening.. but I didnt have the energy to go and do anything... after my moms we all came home and got ready for bed. I made P sleep in his own bed. and S actually went to sleep good in her... no fighting!! yea!!
Bed for me too!!!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

New Years Resolutions

Do you have a new year's resolution to get out of debt?

To get those holiday bills paid off?

To get all of those credit cards paid off?

I can help you!

Email me and I can show you how...

Friday, January 2, 2009

Desperation and "love"

I kinda feel like I am desperate for someone to share my life with... desperate for someone to love...

I just recently had a crush on a really great guy... He was different than most the guys I like.. well at least different than the ones that I have dated... But I think that was part of what attracted me to him... but in all honesty... I didnt know all that much about him... just a few little things here and there... but over all... not that much..

But the few things that I did know... I really liked about him... He was a hardworker... Loved his kid... tried to spend as much time with his kid as possible... had ambitions... liked to read... had a great sence of humor... and oddly, one of the things that i really liked... he was an ass...

But I am thinking... that maybe its not so much him that I was really falling for... even tho I am sure things would have been great if it had actually happened... I think I just wanted to have a crush.. wanted to "love" someone and feel some sort of "love" love in return.

I think that is part of the reason why so many people find themselves in unhealthy relationships... staying with the man that beats them or treats them like dirt... because they want to "love" someone... they dont feel complete unless they have that someone in their life to love and cherish and get some sort of love in return... (as negative as it may be). I have been there and am just starting to be able to move past my ex and be over him.. and honestly up untill a few months ago, if he would have asked me back- i would have said yes even tho I would know I would be miserable from day one... but it was "love" .

Now I am not saying that my crush would have done me wrong or treated me badly... I don't know... we didnt get that far into anything to even find out... but I am glad that I had my crush on him... it helped me move past certain things... and helped me realize things about my life...

That I have my moments of desperations... I so want someone to love and be loved in return... but I need to be patient and not jump at the first man that may show me some attention..


P came home New Years Eve day... I was so happy to see him. I missed his so much. I know S missed him too but she feel asleep on the way to get him, so she missed that initial jump for joy excitement of seeing him. But I know she was happy. She loves him so much and I know he loves her too.
We went to dinner with my mom and stepdad and brother for New Years Eve. Then over to my friends JH's house. I was originally going to have a friend over but he ended up having to cancel. So we decided to go over to her house. She is my daughters sisters mom.. lol. figure that one out! lol. She's my ex's ex. but me and her have become good friends in the last few months. Me and the kids had a pretty good time I think. I at least know I did. Prob. the best one I have had in a long time. Afterward we came home and I put S to bed and then me and P went out and lit off some fireworks (at 130 in the morning!) I am sure our neighbors loved that! But we had a great time. Then we came in and had summer saugage and cheese and crackers..mmm.. and watched a movie... which P fell asleep thru.
That night... everyone ended up in my bed... 2 kids, 2 dogs and a cat! lol. I wouldnt have been that suprised if the frog woulda been in there too!! lol. We all ended up sleeping or at least staying in bed till probably about 130 or so! It was great!!!
Then I started with taking down all the Christmas decorations and the tree... ooohh boy was that fun! lol. We got a live tree this year thanks to my friend AB. Well I wasnt the most diligent at watering it... so needless to say... it was losing its needles... So there is lil ole me... 5'6" 115lbs... with this 6ft tree that is prob. 3-4x as around as I am... figting with trying to take this tree out of my family room... (knocking a few pictures over) thru my kitchen (yup everything came off the fridge) and out the back door... then carrying it to the road (that was the easy part). I came back in... and my floor was green from needles... you couldnt even hardly see floor. I think there was more needles on my floor than on my tree!! But the best part was... P was already sweeping it up! With out me asking!!! What a sweet heart!!!
We went to my moms for dinner last nite... and then back home...
I fought with S half the night to get her to go to sleep... in her own bed! But finally she did.
My friend JS came over and me him and P played some games together it was nice. P really looks up to him! Its sweet.
And now today... back to work...
P has a doc appt. sat. I hope it goes good... and I hope some issues are notices and worked thru.
God bless everyone... Happy 2009... May God put you where you need to be in 2009