Wednesday, August 6, 2008

others who blog

I am sitting here being nosey.. and bored...typical at the end of the work day...
and i am reading other peoples blogs... and i am sitting her laughing hysterically over some...
and other i am a bit jealous...
i wish i could be one of those women who acutally have time (besides down time at work) to sit down and blog... and blog on multiple sites! i wish i could be a stay at home mom... and have the perfect house... and the perfect yard... and be creative to make my house so unique... and be witty and funny and be able to make everyone who reads my blog laugh or wish they were me...

but i have come to the realization... i m not that creative... i am not that witty... and i may be unique... but not necessarily in a way people really want to read about.. or at least not in a way that i am able to completely express in words. and i have come to realize...that i probably will never have the lifesytle.. i would love to be a stay at home mom... and be there for my kids all the time... and have the time to blog... and have that "perfect" life... but its all a dream...

but i do love to type.. and i do love to blog... so i will keep on at it... and even tho i may never have a steady readership (is that even a word) its good therapy for me to get my hairbrained thoughts out of my head...

i dunno... all this sounded so much better when i was thinking about what i was gonna write while i was peeing... damn. need a computer in the bathroom so i dont forget everythign in the 10 feet from there to my desk.

too too long...

its been awhile since i wrote on here.... ive been selfish i have been writing in my personal blog about life and relationships and whatnot...

this has been a busy summer... well at least the last month has been. seems like almost every week for the last month we have been doing somehting... first we went down to columbus to visit my sister for a few days for our family vacation... that was fun.. not as much fun as i was thinking it was going to be, but still fun...
we went to the columbus zoo on our first full day down there... and that was nice.. very hot tho... and my son was in one of those moods... just wouldnt listen to anyone... wanted to do everything his way... or no way... so it made for a stressful day.. and my sister was in a mood too cuz of personal issues she was having... so the two of them together was slightly stressful.
then my sister's ear starting acting up... so she ended up going to the er for it... and was told no showering.. no water.. nothing...
which kinda came in handy... cuz the next day we went to a water park... and since she had to stay home... she got to spend the day with my daughter... and me and pete took peyton to the waterpark ourselves... it was so much freakin fun...
sunday... the day we left... we kinda just layed around... and was lazy most of the day...
then about a week later... i took a few days off and spent it with my kids and my mom... it was really really nice... very exhausting physically.. but relaxing and good quality time!
we went down to amish country for one day... went around to all the shops.. i spent way too much money... but got the kids and my mom a few cute lil things.
the next day we went out the the african safari in port clinton... its a drive thru "safari" . its awesome. we took my brother along for this one. i think he enjoyed it too... and my kids loved it. they give you food to feed the animals and the animals come right up to the car and stick their heads in and everything... it was fun and exciting... and needless to say i was filthy- covered in animal spit all over my arms and legs! but it was so much fun.
last weekend we went to put n bay with the whole family to celebrate my mom's bday. it was fun... felt rushed as always... but still a lot of fun.
i have been very stressed out here lately... i havent been getting enuf sleep... and i have been worrying about bills and money and all that... so i know i have been short with the kids and its almsot like they know i feel like i do.. and start acting up even more than normal! its been a long month... im hoping next month will be better...
next week i will be going to florida for a couple days... one of my good friends used their flyer miles and got me a ticket... so i am really looking forward to that... i am going to miss my kids like crazy... but i am so looking forward to it all... getting away.. peace and quiet... relaxation... or at least i am hoping... the only thing that is going to seriously suck... is i will have almost no money... but hey... ramen noodles in florida.. is better than ramen noodles at home! lol!

Monday, August 4, 2008

venting...

Ok.. I am stressing out today...
I have been thinking way too much about my bills and everything... and so do not have enough money to pay any of them!!!
I am gettin pissed off at people in generall... I hate when someone tells me that they will help me pay for something... then dont and I know damn well that they never had any intentions ..ing me in the first place... they just said it to get what they want and then thats it.. they are done!!! its so frustrating and pisses me off so bad... why can't they just be a fuckin man and live up to to what they say... otherwise dont fucking say it!!!!
sorry... im just in a pissy mood today... stressed out... and just kinda needed to vent.. i am just tired of idiots and false promises... i know damn well that if i promise anything... i make sure i go thru with it... cuz i know i dont want to be known as the person who doesnt keep their word on something...
i know i have made a shit ton of mistakes in my past... and at times i feel like i am still paying for a lot of those mistakes... but i have learned from them... i am trying to grow from them... and move on and be better because of them!!! why can others do the same...
i hate when someone comes at me and apologized for the mistakes they made... and wonder why i dont believe them that they are sorry and that they wont do it again... yet... there they go doing the same damn thing... just slightly different... and they are too damn stupid to even realize what it is that they are doing!!!! yet i am supposed to believe that they have changed?? fuck that.
i hate when someone come at me with a bold face lie... and i prove to them that they are lying about it.... and yet they still insite they are not lying... i may be dumb at time... but i am not stupid!!! it may take me a min or two to figure shit out... but i will!!!!!!
i guess i am just tried of fighting all these battles all the time... i feel like i am responsible for so much.. and i am not sure how much more i can handle... i know the Lord only gives me what i can handle... and i know i can keep going... i have faith in Him. and my strenght is thru Him... just sometimes it all becomes so overwhelming... like i have a huge sack of burdens on my back.... and i am about to tip over from it... (read the pilgrims progress) and i know the Lord is here helping me thru... and honestly that is the only thing that is getting me thru it all!!!
i just want to be a good mom to my kids... not be stressed out all the time... and it seems like anymore ... thats all i am stressed... snapping too quickly at my babys... no patience what so ever for anything... and do their fathers help... nope... and yet the one father has the fucking audacity to get pissed cuz i have a new man in my life... and in his eyes is taking his place as a father... but what the hell... if he aint in the picture... if he doesnt come to see his child... then what the f. does he think??
where do i find all the idiots.. lol. i am seriously starting to think i have a big sign stuck to my forehead that says sucker on it....
am i that desperet for love that i fall for anything????
my new man is great... i cant really complain.. he makes me feel special... actually shows me he loves me.. yea we have our issues with each other already.. but hey ... we are human.. who doesnt... but i do like him... and am gonna see what the future holds for us....
alright.. enuf venting for the moment.. even tho i may be on again after a bit... with more ramblings... lol.
God Bless ya'll