Christmas thinkin...

I am been thinking about the whole Christmas story for the past week or so.   Thinking about Jesus being born... thinking of Mary.

Mary.  A young girl, maybe somewhere between 12-15 years old.  Not married.  But pregnant.

Can you imagine the looks she got?  The whispers behind her back?  People probably tried to avoid her on the streets. Left rooms when she came in.  Being an unwed mother back then... could you imagine??
And then Joseph.  Put yourself in his shoes. The woman he loved, the woman he was engaged to marry is pregnant. BUT Its NOT his baby.  Can you imagine the thoughts that went thru his head? The doubt? The betrayl that he could have felt?

But the FAITH.  The faith that these two had in the Lord was amazing.  They had the faith to continue on.  To do what the Lord requested of them.  Mary carried that baby and gave birth to a precious little boy... Joseph stayed by her side through out the whole thing.

I just keep thinking about that... what they went thru and the faith that they had.  Could I do it?  Is my faith that strong??

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

2012

I tell people that I can't wait till this year is over and done with.

That this has seriously been a hard year.

I think I have struggled more with life this year, that I have in any other year.

This year, I have had the added responsiblity of helping my father out with EVERYTHING.
I take care of all of his finances.  At the begining of the year I was taking him to all of his doctor appts and if I didn't take him, I arranged for transportation.  I had to go over to his house daily to change the dressing on the wound on his foot.  Made sure he had food every day.  Got him through foreclosure procedings and now hopefully have a loan modification for his mortgage.  I am the one he calls to vent too.

I am been single (and lonely) all year just about.
Dated a guy last January that ended up being very demeaning to me at the end because he couldn't understand things about me and didn't really seem to want to.
My ex tried to get back with me... just to find out that he was still living with his girlfriend and the whole month of him promising me the world.. was all a lie.
Fell in love with a great guy who knew me better than anyone... just to have him stop talking to me and not explain why.

A few friendships ended.

I've learned that with a lot of people in my life that if I don't make the majority of the effort... they won't either.

I've had issues with my son's school.

I've learned my place with so many "friends" and "family"

I've had more car issues this year than EVER!!!

Just seems like one thing after another after another that I need to struggle with.

I am tired.
I don't have the energy anymore to fight off the negativity. It is consuming me right now.  And I hate it, but I am so tired.

Now don't get me wrong.. great things have happened too.
I have gotten closer with the Lord than I have ever been.
I have seen him work in my life in so many different aspects.. its crazy. Mind blowing.

I am just praying that 2013 is so much better.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

The grinch

That is seriously who I have felt like for the last month.. since about Dec 1st. lol.
I have no Christmas spirit.  I just want this month to be over and done with.
I am ready to be done with Christmas and especially New Years.  UGH.

I hate this.
I hate being in this much of a negative mood.

I have no motivation.
No desire.
I don't want to clean my house.
I don't want to do anything really that I need to do.

I just want to climb in my bed and go to sleep.
GGGRRRRR...

I need to shake this.

and soon.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

blah

Just looked at my stats.. who knew? I have the 2nd highest page views... from Poland! lol. The first of course being USA. :-)  

Its been a crazy few weeks.. and honestly I have absolutely no motivation to write anything. I have no motivation for anything really.  I'm not in the holiday spirit again this year really...  I just kinda am.

I dunno. The last week or so, I have just felt blah.  I don't really know why.

I met someone about a month ago now... we have been on some amazing dates!!  He's awesome and I can't wait to see what the future holds... just taking it all a day at a time. :-)

One of my good friend's brother passed away a week ago, so I think that has me a little stressed out too. I'm worrying for my friend and his family.

Things with my kids are pretty good. Lil man has been doing better with his homework. I think I may have figured out a good reward system for him. :-) So I'm hoping it works.

I have no motivation for anything really. I have no appetite. Food just isn't appealing to me lately.. I eat because of I have to.. I just don't enjoy it like I normally do.

Hope ya'll have a great day/week!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

struggles.

I just read a devotional on proverbs 31 ministries. It was about a woman who prayed for deliverance from the pain she was dealing with, with fibromyalgia... and I sat here and thought.. have I prayed, truly prayed for deliverance from the depression that I feel, the tiredness, the worthlessness that I can feel from time to time.. I have prayed. and for days, weeks, and even months, I will be fine.. but sometimes I will just wake up and boom... its there. So does that mean I am not praying right? That God doesnt love me? That He doesnt care about me??  No. I am a princess in his eyes.. He loves me unconditionally.. I just think the trials I have to go thru today, will make me into the woman God sees me being.

Also as I say here I realized... I have wrote anything really personal on here lately.. in a while actually.  I talk about my feelings.. my faith..my emotional struggles.. but lately I don't think I have been writing about all of the deep struggles that I go thru. Maybe its because the last guy I "dated" thought I was crazy and stupid and didnt understand why I would put my life out there for anyone and everyone to see... and to a point I really didnt know too too well to explain it to him.. but I guess its just a way for me to get my thoughts out there and maybe, hopefully I will be able to show someone that they are not alone in the struggles that they go thru or maybe I am not alone either. 

Lately I have been struggling with Lil Man.  He hasn't been doing very well in school.  Hasn't been turning homework in.. and at times wasn't doing it and lying to me about it.  So for the last month or so, I have been picking him up from school, walking with him back into his classroom and making sure that he has everything that he needs. Double checking his homework  every night and any tests that he gets a low grade on, I make him redo at home. I am planning on getting him tested for add/adhd and also getting him tutoring after school. My ex-husband called and suggested that if he continues to struggle and/or fail that he would like him to come live there with him and go to school there because he will be home with him and would be able to help with homework right after school and it would be better for Lil Man to have a mom and dad both available.  My exhusband is remarried. I am not. I am a single mom working full time to give my kids what they have. I help Lil Man with his homework. My mom or my step dad are with him right afterschool till I get home from work and help him with his homework.  This really upset me. Why am I not good enough??  Why would he do better there just because he has a dad and a stepmom??  This really had me down and made me feel like I wasn't good enough... just because I was a single parent.
So that is what I am struggling with right now.  But I know it will turn out alright and we will get thru all of this!!  I have faith!

TGIF!!
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!
A day late..

Had a great day yesterday.  I was lazy. all. day.
In the evening we went to my moms for dinner... she out did herself as she always does. :-)
It was wonderfully amazing!!!

Today.. I am making dinner for my dad.  And I am a little nervous...I've made dinner before with no problems... but this year... the list of what is wanted has grown and grown and grown...

Theres only a few of us eating too!!! haha


So before I start cooking this massive feast.. I want to take a moment and just praise God for all the blessings in my life.

I have two wonderfully amazing children that I wouldn't be able to live with out

An amazing mom who seriously awes me every single day.
A great step dad who always is there to help me out with my kids.
A dad who even when burley and they "typical grumpy old man" loves us all unconditionally
A brother who is seriously just wonderful.

I have a wonderful home. a great job. good friends.. and most of all... I have a God that loves me, blesses me, and forgives me.. I am truly blessed!!!


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Encourage

It sit here this morning reading my devotional, listening to my music and I realize something about myself. That its easier to live in the pain for me than it is to fight against the pain and keep a positive outlook on life.

Yesterday at church our pastor talked about words... and the impact that what we speak can have on someone.. good and bad.
How easy it is to hear someone say you are ugly, you are doing a horrible job... you are a bad mom, and instantly we believe them. We doubt everything good we have done, all because one person spoke words that were not true or were spoken incorrectly.  (there is a right and a wrong way to tell someone that they are not doing something that you like, or that they are doing it wrong).
My devotional today was about even in the midst of negativity we should count our blessings. Even when we dont want to move because the sadness and the pain is so heavy, we should stop and really think about all the great things we have in our life.

One of my biggest challenges in life right now... is being single.  Day in a day out I struggle to believe that I will one day meet my husband. One the outside, I have a positive attitude. I tell people that I know God has a plan. That he has a husband planned out for me.. the timing just isnt right yet. Even tho i do believe it... in the quiet of my heart, I wonder. Wonder what is wrong with me?? I see so many other people happily married or at least dating.. and I am not.

Instead of looking at all the blessings that I have... I choose to focus on what I dont have... the negativity in life... I have two beautiful children. A amazing family. Great friends.  A good job, a house, a car.. I can pay my bills every month.  I am blessed a lot more than a lot of people out there.

I am pretty. I have a good personality. I am responsible. I take care a lot more than most girls my age. I am a good catch.  And a man would be lucky to have me.
I need to tell myself this every day. EVERYDAY. I need to choose the positive words that I say to myself.  I need to encourage myself every day.  I can wait to hear it from someone else.  I need to do that for me.

Lord, help me to focus on the good.. Help me to praise you even in the valleys of life... Help me to encourage myself as well as encourage others around me.  Still my heart from the unnecessary feelings of negativity and sadness.  Let me life up your name ALWAYS!!!  
In Jesus' name I pray. Amen


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Trick or Treat/Halloween

From our Halloween Party. Lil Man is Freddy Kreuger and baby girl is Batarina

I am a spider princess! lol. 

ready for trick or treat- and yea, I dressed Bella up to match baby girl! :-P 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

too long

I can't believe that its been almost a whole month since I have last posted!! :-(  I just have absolutely no motivation at all. :-(  It's bad. I have barely even been reading any blogs lately either. :-(

Well lets see whats new...

We had the one year anniversary of when my step mom passed away. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.  I ended up missing a couple days of work because I think the stress of it all just completely messed with my stomach. I was having aches and pains and just felt naseous and miserable the whole time.  But on a plus note. My step sister came in from California (she moved there in August), so it was amazing to see her. We all missed her so much!! And whether she wants to fully admit it or not... I think she missed us even more. :-)

I found a new home for my big dog Edward. I hated to do it, but it was time for me stop being so selfish about him. He's stuck in a cage 10 or more hours a day on average. Its not fair to him, nor is it good physically or emotionally good for him. So I found him a really sweet family who adored him and he adored them. But sadly due to their landlord, Edward will be coming back here tomorrow. I am still looking for a good family for him thou.  I have missed him but it was also a relief of guilt that he wasn't stuck in a cage all the time.

I have a craft fair next saturday for the jewelry. Its going to be a long day, but I am hoping it will all be worth it. After that, I have a scentsy party for a friend.  Its going to be busy busy busy!!! But so worth it. I love doing this. I wish I could do this full time!!   I have a few more craft shows coming up in the future! I can't wait for them.

Today is trick or treat around here so I am going to be taking baby girl out and probably our little dog bella. Baby girl is going as batarina. which for that she has this cute little black and purple tutu and bat wings and ears and also little black gloves (i think the gloves are her favorite part of the whole costume!! lol)  She is adorable with it on. Lil man is with his dad this weekend, so he will go going trick or treating with him. He's going either as a Browns player or as Freddy Kreuger. This will be the first year lil man hasnt gone trick or treating with me, but he rarely ever goes with his dad... so its all good!!! I know he will have an amazing time. Plus, he gets to go to the browns game tomorrow with his dad!! So I know he's super excited about that!! :-)

 Well.. that is about all I can think of at the moment...

Have a GREAT  WEEKEND ya'll!!!


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

doubt

Between every text message or every call.
Between every moment spent together.

I wonder.

I question.

and I doubt.

I don't doubt you.
I doubt ME.

Doubt that I am good enough.
Doubt that I am really what you want.
Doubt that you are as happy as you say.

It has nothing to do with you, its all me and my past.

The hurt I have been through.
The feelings of being shown that I am not good enough.

No one else wanted me... why should you?

Its funny how a person can do so much damage to someone, and not even know it.

I think to myself, I am amazing. I would make any guy happy. Yet, I still doubt myself.

Realization Friday

It has been way way way too long since I last had done one of these posts!!! wow. 

anywho... here we go! 

This week I have come to realize:

~ that this past year has seriously sucks.. so many things went wrong, downhill and/or left me heart broken

~ that its satan trying to pull me away from God

~ I can't believe that its been almost a whole year since my step-mom passed away!! 

~ that I say Yay, Awesome and over use exclamation marks when texting, emailing, or just typing in general!! lol. 

~ that I tend to go crazy with the whole online requesting items to be put on hold for me at the library! 

~ that I hate having to do things alone. :-( 

~ that I am happy to be doing these again!! 


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Heartbreak

My heart continues to break
for a love I do not know
feeling so desperate and lonely
but trying so hard to not let it show

Happy couples all around me
feel like they throw their love in my face
hugging, kissing, holding hands
my heart breaks more with every embrace

So I stand here all alone
faithfully waiting on God's plan
He opens my eyes so clearly though
I am worthy and loved with out needing a man



Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

day by day

The other night at church STEPS classes, I was asked what are my goals.  
I had no answer. Right now I don't know what my goals are.  I pretty much go day by day. 

I was asked 5yrs ago, what my 5year goals were.  I told the person that in 5years I wanted to be married, possibly having another child or two, to go back to school and hopefully only having to work part time.  NONE of that is happening right now.  
True- I did go to school for a year.. but I am not now.  I just am. 

Right now, I am seriously living day by day. No goals for the future. No plans. just living. 
I want to say in 5years, Ill have all the goals accomplished that I had 5 years ago... but honestly I really don't know.  

I feel like this past year, I am trying to just survive.  Survive day by day.  
I have been fighting a deep depression this year... since about April/May somewhere in there. 
I have always dealt with depression, since I was about 15. This year though, it seems even stronger... even harder to fight against.  I tried anti-depressants for a few months and honestly, they made me so exhausted all the time. I had no energy to do anything.  So right now I am just kinda wondering which would be better... exhausted but not wanting to cry all the time... or wanting to cry all the time but more energy to do most of what needs done?!  UGH!! 

My only solaces are MY LORD, know He is with me. He is getting me through everything. And, that hopefully tomorrow will be better.  After a good nights sleep, my mood will be better tomorrow. Sometimes it is, sometimes its not.  But then there's always the hope for tomorrow. :-) 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Sunday

Today I woke up feeling empty. Alone. 
I want to stay in bed. 
I want to sleep the day away.
but I get up and get moving anyway. 
Get the kids some pancakes, remind them that we have church in a hour and half. 
Then I sit down for some "God Time"... and I realize this is something I normally don't do on Sunday's. I go to church on Sunday's. That's my God time.  
Apparently God has another idea on that! lol. So here I am on my computer... listening to beautiful worship music... reading devotionals.. and now blogging.  again not really with anything in particular that I want to say.

I had a jewelry party last night. I also has one of my close friends bring purses that she sells so that I could help her out with that.. and also maybe get me a free purse.  The party was good.. tho I was hoping for it to go better. But I can't complain over all.. tho I am stuck on the negative part of it... I didn't do as good as I had at other parties. :-(  But it is what it is. 

That issues that I had this past week.. that is weighing heavy on heart is still there.  I am still paranoid about it... waiting for the next big huge thing to happen.  Every knock on the door... every car that drives past... I sit expecting something.  I still don't want to go into details. But I hate not knowing what to expect. I know God is with me thru all of this. I know he's right here holding my hand and I hate that I still worry... How do I not worry?? How do I completely just let it all go??  I have moments where I do.. moments where I feel that burden lifted off my shoulders.. but then other times.. I feel so heavy with it,  just want to sleep.  

Wednesday as I was leaving my single parents workshop at church I felt so alone.  I just wanted someone to hold me. Just be there waiting for me when I got home. I prayed all the way to the car... prayed when I got in the car.. turned the worship music on and I started to feel better... I didnt feel so alone... I felt God right there with me. Telling me he loves me. He is here. He also spoke to my heart about a few other things which I have since done.  It was amazing feeling him there... Hearing him speak to me.  

Even with this being a horrible stressful week... I have felt God right here. Felt his love and his grace right here in my life... things I read- books, facebook, blogs... because of the week I had, it hits home for me.. I have broken down and cried more this week over something I read or something I watched, than I had in a long time. God is amazing. 

He whispered this passage to me this morning as I was looking up something else: 
Colossians 2:4 I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by find sounding arguments. 

He is with me. He is guiding me. He loves me


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

asking too much

My friend and I were having a conversation today about dating, and it made me start to think about things... 
Like when my mom and dad started dating. She was 15 he was 19. They lived an hour apart from each other.  Back then there was no cell phones, no texting, no facebook, email, etc. The only way to communicate was via the telephone or snail mail or actually see each other in person.  But they found a way... and made it work and eventually got married. 

That makes me wonder about today. 
She asked me if I thought we were asking too much from a guy.   Wanting him to text good morning, good night, through out the day to say they are thinking of us etc.  

I told her no.  I don't think that is asking too much.  We have the technology now adays to do that!!!   Why can't we expect a man that we like to show us that he likes us?   Especially if this man did it early on in the relationship.  
Now, I am not saying that the guy always has to text first, or always has to say good morning or good night... but when it happens repeatedly that he "forgets" or is "busy" that makes me wonder if I am really on his mind as much as he says I am.  

I told my friends this: 
That I am not lowering my standards. 
I am tired of making excuses for guys and why they do what they do. 
Tired of finding reasons for them. 
That if a guy isn't who I need him to be... then we obviously are not meant to be. 

and honestly I would hope the same in return. If I don't fulfill his needs and desires than he shouldn't be with me either.  Period. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Friday at Friday's

I am not even sure what to write about.. but just had the urge to write.  

The sad thing is... a lot of the things I would love to write about... would love to get out of my brain and into actual viewable words so I can read and re-read and realize how crazy I can be with a lot of my thinking... but I feel I can't because I dont want the persons that I am having theses thoughts about to read it and take it all the wrong way.  Friends, Family, anyone. 


So a lot of things I will keep to myself... and its not that I have horrible things to say... just venting.. but I guess thats what my BFF's are for! lol. 

Last night I met up with a few girls that I was friends with from highschool... first time we have all been together since we have graduated... 12yrs ago!!!  

Getting together with them was amazing... but listening to their stories together made me realize how much I had missed out from highschool. I had dated my son's father since my freshman year in high school and honestly I was stuck on him... I don't make friends very easily and it was even harder for me back in high school when I was lacking self confidence to an even bigger degree than I am today.  So having my BF their just made it easy to always have someone to talk to... so I became friends with his friends... only chatting with my friends here and there in classes.. never hanging out with them outside of school... honestly till my senior year... mainly because I didnt have him there... so I had no choice.  (just a little inside note- i went to a different school disctrict for high school than all of my friends from elementary and junior high.. so I went in knowing almost nobody!)  
I am wondering if I had the choice would I go back and not clung to the boyfriend as much and made some special relationships with these girls... but then also.. listening to these stories.. even tho they were so much fun at the time... I wonder, if I were a part of them... where would my life be now?!  Their tales of drinking and smoking... things I didnt do till my senior year.  Would I be at this place in life... or would my life had gone down a different darker path if those "good" times were weaved in to my life?  

I guess the Lord knew what he was doing.   

And even tho I wasn't a part of all of those stories... I was still apart of a few... and did make some friends along the way... friends who I may not speak to daily or even monthly... friends that have gone down different paths... have different ideas... and ended up at different places in this life... I know we can come together for a night and be transferred back to the happy, giggly, free spirited girls we were back in high school... where at the time the biggest worries we had were the math test on monday... if the hot waiter liked us... who had the better glitter make up... things that we look back on now and think wow-I wish those were the only things I needed to worry...  transferred back to laughing like crazy till our cheeks hurt... back to where we could be goofy with out embarrassing our kids... transferred back to "the good time" .  The memories that I have I will always cherish as I will all of these girls!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

whispers

I had a date Saturday. It was amazing. We met halfway between us at Columbus zoo.  Had a great time. It was very comfortable. Like we had known each other forever even tho this was our first date.
But then... after it was over and on my way home.. and Sunday... I just kept thinking of anything negative What if he really doesn't like me?  What if it was all just a show? Why am I not good enough? Whats wrong with me? No decent guy would want me with all my issues so he will end up ending anything soon enough.   He didnt absolutely nothing the entire time we were together or even afterwards to make me think like this... but the devil was persistant. Kept whispering in my ear and making my heart heavy.  Till Sunday, I was just sitting here crying.  The other issues happened with family and a friend... and it just made my heart that much more heavy.  I couldn't shake it. Again I kept thinking what is wrong with me??  I am worthless. That kept repeating in my ears. I am worthless. I am worthless. I am worthless.  Deep down I know I AM NOT WORTHLESS!!! I am a Child of God!!!!  To HIM the one and only one that matters... I am worth everything. I am worth Jesus dying on the cross for MY sins!!!!  I am worthy!!! I am worthy!!!

I want to say that I feel all better and am not having any negative thoughts... but sadly I am still feeling a little heavy hearted.  but I am determined to NOT let the devil have the upper hand.  I trust in my Lord. I know he will carry me thru these feelings because He loves me. He knows I am worthy!!!


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

a long time ago

I woke up this morning thinking...about abortion. Not that I am having one or even considering one or anything like that.. but just thinking about all those poor innocent babies. And How sad it is in this day in age that most people dont really give it a second thought.. its just another solution to a problem.

Then I started wondering how many people do I know that have had an abortion that I don't even know??  I only know of one person. wait. thats wrong. I forgot, I know of a few.  But one person stands out. We were in highschool and she was one of my closest friends. I was in my senior year and she was a few years younger.  She got pregnant... and wasn't ready.  The boys parents had money so they paid for the solution to that problem.  I still remember that like it was yesterday and I wasn't even with her.  
When I woke up on the morning that she was going I felt sick. Just knowing that she was doing this.. I felt sick. I couldn't go to school. There was no way.  I was shaking. I wanted to cry. I can only imagine what she felt like.  I laid in bed for a while listening to the radio and a commercial came on.. about abortion support... a counseling service that would help you find another solution to the "problem" than murder.  I got up and ran to the phone. I called them and told them my friends story. I even gave them her number to call to see if they could talk to her.  It was too late tho.
I was so down and depressed that day.

The crazy thing... NO ONE has ever known about that till now. No one knew how I felt just being her friend and knowing.  I never told her. I didnt want to lose her as a friend.  I never judged her. I never told her she was wrong. I did ask if this is really what she wanted. She said she really didnt have a choice.   I was still there for her.

I have no idea what brought that in to my mind this morning.  Why i felt the need to blog about it...

More and more every day I am realizing, I want a big family.  I want to share God's love with as many people I can.  I know I am not the best mom but I want more kids... whether they are mine by birth or not.   I want to be there for a child that may not normally have some one there for him or her.

anyway.. its time for me to get my kiddos up and ready for school. :-)


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

I know that this post didnt really have a point or anything.. it was more of just a venting... but if you are struggling with something.. abortion, cheating, death, pregnancy, being along, anything.. and you need something to talk to.. PLEASE email me.  Overthinkingmama@gmail.com. I will listen. I will try and help in any way that I can. Please dont ever think you are alone!!!  God loves you.

Bedtime routines

I couldnt even focus on God time today because I actually had the motivation to blog this morning!!! This hasn't happened in forever.  So I am listening to some great worship music and I am pouring out my thoughts ... well some of them..  on here. :-)

Last night wasn't a great bedtime night. The kids are having a rough time getting into the routine of things.  Lil Man doesnt believe he should have a bed time. "He's not a baby anymore" He doesn't need a bed time. He can get up when he's supposed to.   yea... he's 10. He's getting a bedtime. 

Our bedtime routine for school was this: 
830- get snacks, drinks etc.
845-quiet time 
900 bed time

Yea... our routine is more like... 830 i start telling them if they want a snack. go get it.  845 still telling them. 900 threatening them with something to get their snacks. 915 finally getting into bed. 930 getting out of bed cuz they forgot something. 
Its very stressful!! 

Last night baby girl didnt go be sleep till after 1045. She just sat in her room and cryed for most of that time.saying she wanted something to drink.. she wanted a snack.. when she had already had both... then came them im starving mom. im thirsty mom... ugh.  

So starting tonight.  Games are getting shut off at 830. period.  I don't care if we don't get home till 815. Games off at 830.  Then is snack time and we will have some quiet time together, reading the bible or just talking or watching a quick show on tv or what not. 845/900 we will start heading to bed for tuck in and prayers.  Lil man is already throwing a fit saying he doesnt want to have quiet time with us. UGH. 

I just keep praying for my babies.  We have had our fair share of struggles in the past 5 years with bedtimes, school, behavior, hissy fits, etc....  We have finally made progress.. I refuse to go back.  I am not sure I can handle going back. lol.  

anywho... its time to get the munchkins up!!! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

first day of school!!!!

Today was the first day of school for my babies!!! 

They both seriously did amazing!!  I can't wait to see how their days went! 

She did not want to be bothered while playing. She would not look up at me for nothing for a pic!!!  gggrrrr. lol.  

I even found lil man's first day of kindergarten pic!!! aaawwww!!!! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

feeling down.

I woke up this morning feeling down. The plans I had today ended up being cancelled.  I was supposed to meet a man I have been talking with for a month or so. He had to cancel due to classes that he started on Monday and them having a class today.  I know its not his fault but I am still heartbroken to a point.  I get on facebook and see that a friend is having a baby... another is getting married... and I feel like everyone else is moving on with life... and me... I am just here. I feel like I am just stuck here.. like I am never going to "move on" from this place in life.  I know God has a plan and I have faith in Him.. but still I am feeling discouraged this morning. 

Then I spent some time reading my devotional and God is so good... it hit home perfectly.  I am still down.. but things are in better perspective now. I need to focus on the blessings that I do have.. and not what I don't. God has a plan. I am part of that plan. And where I am right now is part of that plan. He is making me ready. He is making the rest of the plan ready.  I am so loved!!! 

Thank you Lord, for the wake up calls. Please continue to show me the good when all I see is the negative.  I love you.


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Sunday

I want to say that this morning I woke up fully energized and ready to go to church.  But sadly only part of that statement is true. I was ready to go to church.. my heart was ready anyway.. but my body just didnt feel the same.  Listening to the rain gently tap against the window lulled me back to sleep... and I missed my normal church service time.. finally I got up and got some coffee and decided... today is just to beautiful... the smell of the rain was refreshing.. the cool breeze blowing in threw all of the open windows.. it all made my heart rejoice.  God created all of this. All of this beauty!!  So I have decided today, I am going to stay home... spend it in meditation and prayer with my Lord.. then spend the day cleaning and with my family.  God has blessed me so so so much. I am seriously  in awe of all the blessings He has given me...  a sinner. An unworthy sinner.. And yet... yet. He believes that I am worthy... He loves me anyway.   He loves me because I am a sinner.  He loves me because I am His daughter.  I am his creation.  Wow... seriously just thinking about that makes my heart sing!!!  I am HIS CREATION!!!  I am His!!!   
I never thought that I would ever feel like this... feel this much love... feel this much IN LOVE!!! 


Thank you Lord for all of your blessings.  I seriously don't know how I would be able to survive each day with out your love... your blessings... just knowing you are there  and that you love me.  Thank you!!!  




I hope everyone has a wonderful day!!! 


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Saturday

i have started blog posts at least 3 or 4 times since my last one... but i always end up getting distracted or something and never finishing. lol. 


I just finished with my God time, and I felt inspired so I wanted to blog. Not really sure about what... but i just wanted to get some thoughts out on here... i will apologize in advance for mispellings and my lack of punctuation or capitalization. lol.  I just want to get the thoughts out :-) 


I am sitting here on my couch... feeling the cool morning breeze come thru the windows.. listening to my church's cd that they put out a month or so ago.. and I just feel God's arms wrapped around me.. loving me so much.  I know he has great plans for me... I just have to keep an open heart and open ears and I will hear what he wants from me. :-) 


My sister is moving to California on Monday.. and the closer that days come the more I realize I am going to miss her like crazy. 
I had a crazy dream about her last night and she will probably hate me for writing it on here.. because it is exactly what she doesnt want. lol  Her boy friend moved to Seattle a few months ago and thats part of the reason why she's moving to Cali.. theres nothing really keeping her in Columbus anymore. 
My dream was that she realized how much she loved him and missed him and wanted to start a family with him... so she moved to Seattle with him!!  She is the type of person that completely disagrees with a girl moving across country for a man.. or really moving anywhere for a man. She is a very independent, strong minded, woman. :-)  lol. So the dream is completely against everything she believes in. lol.  I think is funny. I don't know if I will tell her about the dream or not. 


I have a jewelry party tonight.. I am really excited and really nervous... I havent had a party for someone else yet...esp.. someone I don't know. I hope it goes well!!! I can't wait to be able to buy more jewelry!!! My launch party went amazing. :-) I love this company and the jewelry! So far I am just in love with it all!!! I can't wait to see what the future holds!! :-) 


Alright..baby girl wants me to go play a game with her now... :-) 


Have an amazing weekend!!! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

blah

I woke up kinda blah today... but then thats kinda how most days anymore have been for me.  Granted I am not wanting to cry  or really feel like I have to completely force myself thru life... but I am just so so so sleepy. Its sad that the first thing I think of when I wake up is... when will I get a nap!? haha.

Overall life is good. I really need to get back into blogging every day.. or at least more than just once every couple weeks. :-( I am sorry about that guys. I just havent had the motivation for it. and I hate that, cuz really this is something I love doing!!!

i feel like I am in need of a change... i dont know what.. just a change. :-(  i dont know how exactly to explain that.  i am just ready for something different.  just feel like day to day is just monotonous. which really it isn't. at all.  I just need something different. but again, have no clue what.  as sad as it is,  i think i am ready for school to be back on. i need that routine.

I am debating on going back to school too... i know i need to.. but again i just have no motivation :-( . My friends church offers classes towards becoming a pastor, and I have seriously considered doing them. i am just waiting on him to get me more information. but i feel that is something i really want to do. I want to do something to praise God.

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

writer's block

Ugh. I don't know why ... but the last few weeks I have no motivation to write anything. 


That isn't like me. :-( 


I feel like there's not really anything interesting to talk about. :-(


still taking the zoloft... still really sleepy at like 330 every afternoon, but then I wake up every night about 3am and can't fall back asleep for a few hours.. so that may have something to do with it. lol. 


i started selling jewelry for Paparazzi. Its a home party sales company and everything is only $5 ea!!!  I have my launch party sunday!!  I hope it goes good.. so far i love all the jewelry!! 


Its been hot as hell here the last few weeks... i have learned i hate the extreme heat. Today its about 84.. and its so much better! :-) 


4th of july was wonderful. on the 3rd i went with my best friend to a cook out and their neighbors had a huge fireworks display... like seriously over shadowed any other display i have ever seen in my life... it was profession style fireworks for over an hour!!!  it was amazing and the kids loved it. 


Lil man is done with baseball for the year.. which sad to say, i am very happy about! lol. 
Baby girl is still doing gymnastics. 


Things are overall pretty good with us... i will try and get motivated and write more soon!! 


sorry for the lag in between posts :-( 

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

Edward.

Ive been chatting with a friend today about my big baby Edward.. Talking about all the funny things that Edward does and I thought what would be better than to share all of this with you!

baby Edward

I have Edward for 2yrs now... His bday is 4/15/10. I got him as a puppy.  He was the cutest puppy ever and super loving!!!  From day one, I knew he was different.  And I have to say, he is probably one of the best dogs I have ever owned!!!

When he was a puppy.. he was so chubby that he couldn't even climb up on the couch!  I thought it was a shame... now I wish he was still like that.. because that dog. that dog can jump up on just about anything!!!  I swear he thinks he's a mountain goat!!  He jumps on the trampoline, the dog house, the kitchen table (lovely huh?!) and sometimes over the fence.

He also thinks he's a lap dog and should be on your lap at all times!!

my lap dog

This dog loves me so much. I don't think i have ever had a dog love me as much as this dog does.  He wants to be with me, always.  He once jumped thru my bedroom window, threw the screen just so he could be with me. He will come into the shower with me and wants to sit on my lap while I go potty.


I think he thinks he's one of my kids at times too!!  He will jump on the trampoline with the kids and sometimes with out.  In the summer time when I bring out the big blow up water slide he will try and climb up it with the kids and as soon as they come down into the little pool at the bottom- he's right there ready to lick them!

play time. 

He has this tail on him that I swear could be used as a weapon. I really do think its longer than its supposed to be and he will be so happy and wag it so hard you will hear it go thud-thud-thud against each side of his rib cage.  It also hurts like heck when it hits you!!  OUCH!!!













Only thing I dislike about my big baby... He HATES other animals besides our chihuahua :-( I wish he would be able to play well with others so we could have puppy play dates. :-(
OH and that he likes to jump our fence when he sees a bird or a squirrll and go chasing after it.  This morning I had to litterally pick him up and carry him back into our house cuz he was so stubborn that he wouldnt come!!  
OH. and how messy he is... always always always messing in something.  There have been times that I'll leave a box with pizza in it on the counter.. go to the bathroom.. come back out - box is still on the counter... but the pizza is gone!!!  or donuts. or cookies.. lol.

Something cute that he does.. that I just find hilarious... when he wants to play, he will run into one of the kids bedrooms- grab one of their stuffed animals... and run!!! Anything to get the kids to chase him!!

I could go on and on about all the little quirks that Edward has or how loving he is... but Im sure by now you are ready to move on to the next blog! lol.

he loves me

Edward on the trampoline 

Edward- right before jumping in that window.. ps. hes sitting in a chair!

on the trampoline... alone. lol.

Edward and Bella (go ahead with the twilight jokes) 

love this pic of him. :-) and yes. i dress my dogs

how he sleeps!!!  

Have a great weekend ya'll!!

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

monday. oye

My Monday is starting out sitting on my couch while a plumber tries to unclog my toilet. My lil baby girl accidentally flushed a stick of deodorant down the toilet over the weekend.  Fun times, Fun times.

The plumber just shut off the water and of course as soon as he did, I think of a half dozen things I'd like to do around the house... which includes, washing the dishes, doing laundry, water the flowers... hhhmmm.. figures, as soon as I have no water... I want to use water.  lol.

So instead of doing all that, I am sitting here doing a blog post and watching Spongebob... for oh, the 15th time this weekend. I.hate.spongebob.now.

We had a pretty good weekend. Friday we had baseball and Lil Man did awesome!!! His team won 26-7!!!!  We were so excited!!  They have only won a few games, so every victory is amazing!!! After that I took him to his dads and then me and baby girl went home and went to bed. (im getting old)

Saturday we headed over to my friends house and helped her clean and organize her garage.  Afterwards we hung out and got some wings for dinner.

Sunday I went to church with her and it was really nice. Her church was lovely.  After church, I went home and got some laundry done and the house cleaned up a bit. Then we headed to my dads and went out to dinner with him. After that we went to my mom and stepdads for dessert.

all in all it was a wonderful weekend.


ps. the plumber just came out and let me know that he's having too many problems and that his boss is coming out and see if they can fix it together.  oye. can ya say $$$$$$  gggrrr.. :-(

Hope yall have a blessed week!!!


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

sleep??

The coffee just aint working fast enough this morning.
As I sit here and type this out all I keep thinking is I want to go back to bed.  Just 20 more minutes of sleep and I will be good.
But in reality, I think I could sleep the day away.  Kinda like I did yesterday.
I was in bed Saturday night by 1230.  Up at 9.  and did nothing.  Napped at 2-430 or so. And was in bed last night by 11.
AND I AM STILL TIRED!!!

Idk if its just life...  or if it could be the new meds I am on... I started taking Zoloft last Tuesday. And its been a hell of a week physically for me.  Tuesday night I ended up with food poisoning I believe from the Chinese food I had for dinner.   That effected me till about Friday.  Nothing seemed appetizing and I just barely ate anything.   Then starting Friday night, I was just exhausted... more so than normal. So again, I don't know if its the meds I am on... the effects of bad food and not eating well and dehydration last week... or just life!!

But the good thing... I don't feel like crying over everything... The things that were upsetting me the week before are now just... blah.

And I got an appt with the pastors of my church to talk with them about everything I am going thru...  so.. hopefully that will help also... and my best friend is going to get me in touch with a lady from his church that does counseling also.

At this point I feel like I can use all the help I can get... but now.. now that I am not all depressed and wanting to cry over everything... I am really nervous about talking to someone... I haven't openly talked to anyone in years...  I have used my blog as my therapy... so this will be different... but I know good.

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

They can't be a Christian

" I Judged people by my measuring stick, but my measuring stick was way off. I made faulty judgements based on a wrong perception of the truth. All the while I was the one with the problem"

God is so good!!!  I woke up late and felt more rushed during my God time this morning... but He is still so good.  He gave me an "AHA" moment. I love when He does that!!!  As I got ready for work I kept thinking about the above phrase.  I had an awesome blog post thought up.. but of course life happens and I forgot all that I was going to write. ugh.

This phrase this morning made me seriously stop and think.  Think about how we all (even Christians) and I am not excluded in this, JUDGE others.   We judge them based on how WE think they should be.  But really who are WE to say who someone else should be.

God made us all unique. Not one like another.  So who are we to say that someone else should be something we think is right?

I am the same way tho... I see other people, other Christians and think...  they do what?? they can't be a Christian.
They are drinking vodka? They can't be a Christian.
They are are divorced?? They can't be a Christian.
They have kids and ain't married? They can't be a Christian.
They are bisexual or gay? They can't be a Christian.
They are living with their gf/bf? They can't be a Christian.
They smoke cigarettes? They can't be a Christian.
They hand hang out with non-Christians? Shame on them. They can't be a Christian.
They curse. They watch porn. They this, they that. They can't be a Christian.

Those are just some of the first things that popped into my head... why? because I have thought them first hand... yet... the funny thing.... I could be put into more of those categories at one time or another, than not...  But I am a Christian.

And sometimes by today's standards, some things are ok but not others. Now adays its ok to be divorced, have kids out of wedlock but to be gay??  watch porn?? NO!!!!!   I am not saying I condone any of this... but who am I to judge someone based on a choice they make.  Hell, I've made my own choice and I am the only one who will have to answer to God for them. (uh oh, I said hell!!)

It is my choice on how I represent myself to them... Its my choice how I represent Christ to them.  And it is my choice how I think about a person and how I react to those thoughts that I do have.  I am no saint, very very very far from perfect.. yet at times, I sit here, like everyone else, and judge someone. Sadly its part of human nature... part of society.   And I know I am judged.. by many.   But I don't hide anything.  I am open. and I am learning.  I know I will never be perfect.  Only ONE MAN IS PERFECT.

Its sad. I see a lot of people in my life judging someone else. Willing to just write them off based on what they see.  What makes me even more sad, is that I see a lot of Christians doing that... and then I judge them lol.  I am no better.

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

Christian Mingle. com

A little over a month ago, I was contacted by a wonderful woman about a free month subscription to ChristianMingle.com, A Christian online dating site.  I thought about it and figured what the heck I would give it a try. She had read some of my previous blog posts about dating and everything and thought Christian Mingle would be good for me.  So I tried it. 

I really like how it was God based. You automatically got signed up for another site called: Believe. com.   I liked how in depth the questions were and they had different quizzes and stuff to find out what "color" you were so you find other like individuals. 

The turn offs that I had was that the very first message I received was from a man asking me if I would be willing to have sex on the very first date.  Now I know this is the man and not the dating site... but it was just a real shocker because I wasn't expecting that kinda of thing on a Christian dating site... maybe a free site, but not one you paid for let alone a Christian site. Needless to say the man was blocked from that point on. 

I was very discouraged that most of the gentlemen didn't have a picture of themselves. It was a little frustrating, also, their "about me" sections would have a sentence and that's it.  It's hard to gauge a person based on one sentence and honestly I don't want to waste my time getting to know someone who's not going to have some of the same like minded ideas. 

Another thing that discouraged me is that it is free to set up your account. You can add pictures, browse other individuals, and send "smiles". But you can not initiate a conversation.  Its hard when I see someone who I am interested it, email them, and then get no reply. Maybe its cuz they weren't interested in me.. (and that's fine) but it could also be that they can't open or reply to my message. I wish they had a flag or something on the person's profile saying- "hey I'm not a paid member yet" 

I did exchange numbers with a few gentlemen who seem to be wonderful men of Christ. Time will tell with all that.  I would def recommend the site to others who are interested in a dating sight.  The pricing is affordable compared to some of the other bigger named sites.  

$29.99 for 1 month, $18.99 for 3 months and $13.99 for 6 months. All to be paid in one payment. 

I am very happy that I did join and gave it a try.. but honestly more and more I am learning that I am not ready for a relationship and that I need to get myself in a better place, mentally and emotionally and def spiritually before I can commit myself to a man.. (no matter how badly I want someone right now) 

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

whats wrong?

I just don't get it.

I don't get what is wrong with me?

Why am I not married yet?? or hell at least dating someone?

I see so many of my friends from highschool and prior, happily married.  I see so many people just out and about, skinny, fat, ugly, pretty, happily with someone... and yet.. here I am.. ALONE.

As I type this up, I cry... run to the bathroom so no one will see... and come back and try and finish my thoughts before I tear up again.

Why am I not good enough for someone?  Why am I not worthy of marriage?

Seems like the only guys that do seem to want me, either a/only want me for my body or b/have some major issue that I can not deal with in my life.

Right now, I am numb... towards every man, I am numb.

This past summer, I played into the game of the "a" set of guys...  I flirted. I gave myself too freely... I just wanted to feel wanted. Wanted to feel desired... I didn't care if they loved me or not. I didn't care that they were just using me... because honestly I was just using them too.  Using them, to make me feel better about myself.  Man after man I felt better for a moment. Bragged to my friends that so and so wants me... so and so this and so and so that... and I felt good.. wanted...  but in reality I was still empty.

It took a major wake up call for me to learn that and I know it was God working and I am so thankful for that.  At that moment I cut all those men out of my life... and I haven't looked back.

But now.. now I feel so empty.  I feel unwanted.  The few men that I have let in my life in the past few months because they said they cared about me.. not for my body but for me... I feel I can't really trust with my heart.  One isn't in a place where we could actually have a relationship and the other doesn't know if he can be in a realtionship. So where does that leave me?  Sitting here writing a blog post about it.  And so to any other man. I am numb.

I am left questioning myself.  Questioning what is wrong with me.

I know I am an amazing woman. That I would make a wonderful girlfriend/wife. I am strong, supportive, loving, devoted. I have a good heart, a nice body, decent looking. I don't need a man to support me, I can take care of myself and my kids.  I have a an open mind and an open heart.  Yes, I have a past, I have two kids by two different men, been divorced, had both kids out of wedlock... but does that mean I don't deserve a great man??  I feel like it does. That the negative things about me out weigh the good.

I know I don't need a man.  But I want someone to share my life with.   To come to when I need a hug to be told "I love you baby"...  someone to understand me... to support me.  I am tired of doing it all alone.  I am worn out.

I know I am a child of God. I know I am wonderful and I hate myself for doubting me...  I keep praying on it, I know God is with me, holding my hand and our hearts break together.

so my next goals...  meet with my doctor about getting put on some type of anti-depressants because I can not handle this battle of my heart anymore.  and two contact my church and see what counseling options they have, because I need some help.

I do have faith that God has a plan.  I am just so tired of hurting.

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

monday can't come soon enough

Monday can not come soon enough. Right now I am feeling like I am going crazy. Seriously.

I am now barely sleeping. I am depressed.

I am at the point where I don't want to do anything. I don't want to be around people. I just want to sit in my bed and cry and wait for this to be over.

I am so tired.

Tired of feeling like everything, everyday is a battle.
Tried of feeling like I am always struggling.. always alone.
Tired of feeling like I am going to burst into tears over EVERYTHING.
Tired of feeling like this.

There always seems to a million things that I need to get done... and as soon as I get some done.. there is a million more.  

In every single possible way... I am tired.

I feel like a zombie anymore going thru life.  Like I am doing everything that I am supposed to do... but its forced, its a battle.

I know God loves me. I know He is with me.  I don't doubt that. I know that being a Christian and having strong faith does't eliminate me from these feelings, from these moments.
I just keep praying... and honestly anymore, I don't even know what I am praying for... I guess just happiness. I keep praying for happiness, because I am so tried of the sadness.

Monday, I go see the doctor and hopefully will get put on something for the depression.  Monday can not come soon enough.

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama