Monday, April 20, 2015

At my whits end!!

I seriously feel like I am going insane!!! 

I am so tired of crying every single day. 

I feel like I am not good enough. Like I can't keep up. I feel like all I do is complain and yell at my kids and husband.  I am so tired of so many things. I am tired physically. I am tired emotionally. I am tired mentally. I don't know what to do anymore.  And I feel like no one really cares. 
I feel like I am constantly having to tell my kids over and over and over and over again to do something AND if they actually do it, its so half @ssed that I should have just done it myself in the first place!!  
I am exhausted with having to repeat myself. 

I need a vacation!  

I need help..

I feel like I am being pulled in so many different directions. That everyone expects me to be this super mom/wife and I am only one person.  I can't do it all. 

I almost feel like I need to quit my job just so I have more time to take care of everything at home! Right now I don't have the time and energy! 

The sink is over flowing in dirty dishes. The laundry hamper is over flowing in dirty clothes... the other laundry basket still has clean clothes in it from last week.  No one took the dogs out last night before bed so there was lovely accidents all over the house that I have to clean up because if I don't... they stay there.  The big dog tore up everything in our kitchen, I asked the girls to clean it up last night... yea it didnt get done so I will have to worry about it when I get home.  The whole house looks like a tornado went through it. No one picks up after themselves or anyone else for that matter... everyone would walk over something on the floor a million times before they would actually pick it up!  I feel like I am going crazy. 

This is how my morning went today: 
Wake up to Mady crying... hope she settles down so I don't have to get up... After about 15/20 mins she does. She wasn't crying, just more babbling and whimpering here and there.   Bout 30mins after that finally fall back asleep. 
Wake up to alarm. Get up and go potty- let the dogs outside... walk over 3 puddles of pee and 2 piles of poop. Clean up all. Call the girls and Pey to get up and get ready... Call them at least 4 more times before I see them out of bed.  Tell the girls to get their hair brushed... they can't find any brushes.  Finally found one as we are walking out the door... but before we can do that... Ren informs me that the dog at her shoes... and she doesn't have anymore to wear. I look at them... they aint that bad, she can still wear them.  Sami then can't find her shoes... so I finally found a pair she can wear and we head out the door.  I tell the kids that things have to change around the house. I can't do everything alone!!!  And Pey pipes up- I help out, I don't make a mess. I lost it.  I start crying and telling them they need to help each other and me more!!! I can't do it alone.  Sami starts complaining cuz Ren is taking too long brushing her hair and they only have one brush.  Finally get the boy off to school and go and wait at the bus stop... get the girls on the bus.... head home. Try and pick up some thing around the house and see that the dog chewed up a couple diapers on the couch. ugh. more to clean up. Wait for Grandma to get there. Seriously embarrassed cuz of how my house looks. Realize I left all my tea stuff in Hubby's car and so I can't do anything regarding that today.  Grandma gets there and I say my good byes and I head off to work.  Get to work and am told that the dog ( I brought into work last sat) has pooped in the church. Lovely. I took her out while she was here. Every time I looked up- she was right here!!    The highlight of the morning so far is when my hubby text me that he loved me.  

I am exhausted. My back is killing me. My stomach is so uncomfortable. I am having contractions off and on which tires me out too. I just need a break. 

Anywho. we are going to have a family meeting tonight hopefully... and hopefully things will change cuz I can't keep going on like this!! We shall see... Say a prayer for me. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama