Life aint a Fairy Tale...

My best friend and I were talking today about relationships... and life... and pretty much.. it aint nothing like what we thought it would ... nothing like what we seen in the movies...

there aint no happily ever after... there aint no perfect man... there aint no perfect relationship, wife, husband, children, neighbor, job, or life..

I always dreamed of that fairy tale life growning up... where my prince will ride in on a white horse and sweep me off... shower me with love, and gifts, and compliments... will take care of my every need... and in return i do the same... He will be perfect in everyway... We will always get along, and never have any issues... *sigh* it will all be perfect...

I have yet to meet that man.

and I have yet to see that perfection in my relationship let alone my friends relationships...
I think its abusrb that we fill our heads with the ideas that life is so easy and perfect...
there is no perfect little house... theres dust in the corner and dirt under the bed... theres no perfect person... we all have our flaws... theres no perfect relationship.. we are two completely differnt people.. coming together as one... someone will have to comprimise at some point or another... Thats life.

If we expect that fairy tale life all we are doing is setting ourselves up to fail... and I am the prime example of that... me and my ex-husband...
I wanted the perfect life... 2.3 kids, house, cars, good jobs, me only have to work part time, a dog, a cat... no fights, no debt, no worries... Yea it never happened... and because I wanted perfection... I wasnt willing to work to make that relationship work... and instead decided I wanted a party lifestyle... (go figure)... and here I am 5yrs later... still single... still trying to find Mr right to be my husband... but this time.. i know theres no such thing is perfection.. but if I find someone that makes me happy... I will do what I have to do, to make it work.

ugh... my night...

this night hasnt been the greatest... tho i cant say its been overall that bad... I just really wasnt in the mood to deal with very much! lol.

I went and picked my son up from school today... his teacher had to talk with me :-( Apparently my son hasnt been turning in his homework like he is supposed to be.. and hasnt been turning in his classwork.. and the classwork that he does turn in.. is rushed and sloppy... so i grounded him.

We went over to my moms for dinner tonite.. which was nice, cuz I really didnt know what to cook and really didnt feel like cooking... but my son was in one of his hyper.. i cant listen to anything anyone says.. type moods... Not good for the way i was feeling tonite. So finally after telling him umpteen time to get things together and stuff.. we finally we able to leave...

then we got home and i stipped the beds because they needed to be washed (the sheets and comforters).. but then i forgot about them in the washer.. and well.. the kids werent able to go to bed on time...

finally after peyton finished his homework.. he started on one of his chorse... cleaning out the hamster cages... which of course broke apart (it was easily put back together) and dirty hamster poop, shavings, and who knows what else, spilled all over my family room floor... but Peyton did vaccum it all up!

So now its 10pm and i am sitting here in my bed... writing instead of sleep.. listening to my duaghter call out from her bed room "mommy i wanna tell you something" and "turn the hall way light off" and I want a drink" the normal chatter i hear before she even starts to be able to fall asleep! At what age does this become easier? at least the whole time for bed part of it?? cuz i am gonna go insane shortly!!!

my kids are crazy!!

Especially my daughter lately...

Last night we were over at my moms house and her and Peyton and my step-dad were playing hide-go-seek... She hid behind the curtains... and my stepdad called out to her... and asked whos behind the curtains... She replyed.. Peyton.. lol.

Tonite she was over my dads house and had to go potty... So my stepmom went back with her and serenity farted... lol. when she got up there was a lil poopy in the toilet... my stepmom said "oh you pooped, i need to wipe your butt" Serenity said "no... that not a poop... that a fart!" lol.

tonite i explained to my son what a crush was... as i am telling him.. its when a boy likes a girl a lot... and gets all nervous around her and gets little tingles and butterflys in his tummy when he thinks about her... He just got this huge smile on his face... like he cant wait! lol.

finishing the last blog post...

I got distracted and never got to finish the last blog post.. so here i am now doing it... and i dont even remember where i was going with the whole thing... sheesh!

So I have started chorse for the kids to do... Peyton of course has more to do than Serenity... but they both have their list.. and Peyton will get an allowance of $10 every 2 weeks.. he'll get paid when i get paid! lol. but he has to put $4 a pay into a savings account... He didnt like that idea all that much... but oh well..

On his list of things are:
wash dishes/counter tops
sweep the kitchen floor
clean out hamster cages
clean his room
put laundry away correctly

crap.. i cant think of the rest... ggrrr..lol.

Serenity's list:
pick up all the dishes/cups etc. for every room and put in the sink before peyton washes dishes
clean the coffee table
clean room
put laundry away correctly

So far they both seem to enjoy doing their chores.. but its only day one... so I guess we will see what happens in the upcoming weeks! lol.

So frigging hilarious

So my daughters father i-m's me today... and was like.. well I just wanted you to know that I am dating someone.. I didnt want you to find out from myspace or facebook or something... OK.. thanks for the concern.. I was very happy that he told me... but it just made me so glad that I didnt get with him. It was a week ago.. or less that he was trying to get me to get back with him... How badly he wanted me and him to be together and what not... ok .. so I am glad that I didnt.. and I am glad that he is moving on.. and I do understand that things happen quick sometimes... but all this does.. is make me feel even more positive that the entire time he was trying to get me back... he was "talking" to who knows how many other chics... and that was one of the reasons why I was so hesitant on getting back with him in the first place.
So I was telling my sister.. and she brought up the fact.. do you even know if he is seeing anyone or not or is he just saying it to make you feel jealous... honestly I dunno.. whatever... I just want to move on...

I spent the weekend with my boyfriend.. and it was really nice... He is practicly perfect in everyway.. I mean I am serious that I have never met a man as well rounded as him... he cooks, cleans, bakes cakes, has a good job, the start of an education, is responsible to what I can tell anyway... I have never met a man like this... let alone dated a man like this... I mean there are some negative things about him too that I am realizing... I am not really sure what all his thoughts are on Church and everything... and I always said that I wanted that in a man that I am dating/marrying... (im not planning my marriage or anything yet) so i dunno... I guess i am hoping that he will at least go to chruch with me and hopefully will open his heart to the Lord.

i mean he is sweet and loving and likeI said unlike any other man I have ever been with... I guess time will tell...

Lent... this is hard

So I gave up Chocolate and Coffee for lent!!!
Holy crap!!! This is hard!!!
Last year I gave up alcohol, sexual pleasure, red meat, and i think chocolate too... and it wasnt this hard!!!

This last weekend, I went to my boyfriends house for his daughters birthday party... and he made (from scratch) a chocolate cake... with chocolate frosting... mmm.. it looked so good... I had to keep walking past it the whole weekend... and man I wanted a piece of that cake sooo bad... but I couldn't have any... *sigh* (tho i did have a lil lick of the frosting)

Then at work... they make coffee every single morning.. and I love sitting at my desk reading my emails and whatnot... sipping on a nice hot cup of coffee... Or I used to get up early in the morning and have coffee already made and grab a cup and have alone time with the Lord... Its hard now not having that coffee... *sigh*

These two things are in my face every single day... where last year... all of it wasnt there all the time so the temptations werent as strong...

But I know with the Lord by my side, I will be able to be strong and get thru this and make it till Easter!!! becuase this is just a small sacrifce in comparison..

Its been tooooooooo long!!!

Ill aplogize now... i was lazy.. and i didnt write.....



So recap of the last 2 months... *sheesh* where to start...



Well... we have sorta gotten on a schedule... at least most of the time... for bed time routine anyway... Quiet time at 8. Sit on couch watch part of a movie and have a snack... 830 bed time for baby girl and 845 for lil man... and those extra 15 min lil man gets is for reading. Most of the time that all works out... most of the time... :-)



I took Pey a few weeks ago to the doc because he had been complaining about his stomach hurting... hurt so bad he couldnt go to school... While he stayed with my mom he convinced her it hurt so bad that she let him stay home from school one day... :-( so as soon as I got back from New Orleans... I got him into the doc... Yea.. the doc couldnt find anything wrong. While we were there, I asked him to check Peys sugar... OMG ! you woulda thought we were trying to do surgery on my son with out pain killers or something... He started screaming bloody murder! Finally the doc pretty much had to threaten him and say that if he didnt let the nurse poke his finger to get the blood for the test... the doc was going to come and hold him down himself... That workd! We got it! lol. and it was normal. So that ruled that out. So now... I am thinking about getting him tested for ADHD or something... I dunno.. its like one minute he's really good.. then the next he's bouncing off the walls uncontrollable.



I am in the process of trying to find Serenity a preschool to go to... ONe that is good, close to home and affordable. ugh... its harder than I thought! I know I still have like 6 months.. but I figured I better get it taken care of now.

Its fat Tuesday....

And I am starting to think about what I am giving up for lent...

Last year I gave up a lot...
Alcohol
Red meat
Sexual Pleasure
Chocolate (i think??)

So this year... i dunno really what to give up...

I think brown pop. (coke, pepsi, dr. pepper etc.)

limit my read meat to once a week

fasting once a week or maybe one meal... because i do get sick feeling when i dont eat... ( like right now)

Chocolate (that is a hard one for me too)

So... I guess we will see how it goes!

Overwhelmed

I am going to have to go thru my previous posts and re-read them.. because i am sure that i have wrote about all of this before. lol.

At least once every few months.. life gets too much for me and i get overwhelmed with it all.
Its been a bit since I last wrote... and I can feel it... I need to write consistantly!!! Its my sanity! (along with twitter)

So what is overwhelming me right now you ask?!

Well its just a little bit of everything.
~ uncertainty with my job (but thats been something thats been going on for 2yrs now.. tho it doesnt make it any less stressful!)
~ issues with my daughters father... him wanting me back.. me still loving him, but knowing it would never work... him not being there when he said for his daughter cuz of work or whatnot...
~my car needing a new transmission and me not really having the money to get it fixed...
~ overwhelmed with debt.
~ feeling like i am in a cycle.. and i am not really sure how to get out...

One of my good friends has been helping me with the financial aspect of all this... which is great! And I really appreciate him for that.. more than he will ever know!!!

I know the time has come that I need to make some decisions... about my life.. and about my future... I know I say that a lot.. but its because make some of these choices will be some of the hardest that I have ever done... and i keep putting them off... but they are choices I need to make otherwise Iwill never get out of this cycle.. and i do know that.. but i dont like change...

But I have to put this in the Lords hands and let him handle it all... everything will turn out alright one way or another... I know the Lord has a glorious plan for me and my family... and I need to quit being scared to take the next step forward.

A new beau

Well when I didnt think I would find anyone..... I did :-)