Getting Centered

I ended up waking up late this morning and missing church.  I hate when that happens. It doesn’t happen a lot thankfully but it’s like by Sunday’s my body is just done from the week. Sunday morning comes along and I have to force myself just to get up and moving.  Then as soon as I get home from church- it’s right to bed for a couple hour nap.  That is my Sunday tradition. A Nap. Without it I don’t know how I would make it through the week… and sometimes the alarm just isn’t loud enough on Sunday morning. Then I have a struggle dialog in my head throughout the rest of my day. I should have gone to church. I feel guilty. I feel discouraged. Then the other side is telling me, I must have needed that extra sleep, that I needed this time at home, that I can have my time with God that I haven’t had in a very long time. I miss it so much.

I feel like I am stuck in a slump. Like there is so much I want to change and it’s like no matter what I do or think or plan…. I just can’t get any of it accomplished.

I want to start getting up early so I can have time with God before work… morning comes and I am so tired, I just want “5 more minutes”… until its the absolute last second before I have to leave for work and I run around like crazy trying to hurry and get ready.

I want to go to the gym after work. It is literally 5 minutes from my work, right on my way home… and I have my clothes and shoes in the car for the last 2 weeks so I can go straight after work… and yet I haven’t been once. I want to, but then I start thinking about all the people. Looking at me as I walk in. Judging me as I try to figure out what I want to do and how to do it. Laughing and whispering to their friends about me.  And I know none of that is true nor does it matter, but in my head, it’s very true.

I just keep thinking if I get this done, I will have more time. If I get caught up with laundry, I can do more things I want. If I… If I… If I…  The “if I’s” never seem to work out.

It is a daily struggle.

This song has helped me the last couple of days with just getting my mind and spirit centered where it needs to be.

I need to get back to where God is at the center of everything- not just when I have the time or the energy. He needs to be the center of my being.

Check out the song and let me know what you think!!

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Getting Centered

I ended up waking up late this morning and missing church.  I hate when that happens. It doesn’t happen a lot thankfully but it’s like by Sunday’s my body is just done from the week. Sunday morning comes along and I have to force myself just to get up and moving.  Then as soon as I get home from church- it’s right to bed for a couple hour nap.  That is my Sunday tradition. A Nap. Without it I don’t know how I would make it through the week… and sometimes the alarm just isn’t loud enough on Sunday morning. Then I have a struggle dialog in my head throughout the rest of my day. I should have gone to church. I feel guilty. I feel discouraged. Then the other side is telling me, I must have needed that extra sleep, that I needed this time at home, that I can have my time with God that I haven’t had in a very long time. I miss it so much.

I feel like I am stuck in a slump. Like there is so much I want to change and it’s like no matter what I do or think or plan…. I just can’t get any of it accomplished.

I want to start getting up early so I can have time with God before work… morning comes and I am so tired, I just want “5 more minutes”… until its the absolute last second before I have to leave for work and I run around like crazy trying to hurry and get ready.

I want to go to the gym after work. It is literally 5 minutes from my work, right on my way home… and I have my clothes and shoes in the car for the last 2 weeks so I can go straight after work… and yet I haven’t been once. I want to, but then I start thinking about all the people. Looking at me as I walk in. Judging me as I try to figure out what I want to do and how to do it. Laughing and whispering to their friends about me.  And I know none of that is true nor does it matter, but in my head, it’s very true.

I just keep thinking if I get this done, I will have more time. If I get caught up with laundry, I can do more things I want. If I… If I… If I…  The “if I’s” never seem to work out.

It is a daily struggle.

This song has helped me the last couple of days with just getting my mind and spirit centered where it needs to be.

I need to get back to where God is at the center of everything- not just when I have the time or the energy. He needs to be the center of my being.

Check out the song and let me know what you think!!

What anxiety looks like… to me.

This is what anxiety looks like to me.

Its standing frozen in one spot continually biting the skin around my finger- not able to move forward with anything until that little piece of skin on my finger feels just right.

It’s feeling like there are ants with needled feet crawling up and down your entire body but on the inside.

It’s feeling like I can’t sit still but I also can’t get up and move.

It’s shaking my entire body trying to get rid of this feeling over and over again without any relief.

It’s just wanting to curl up in bed and never leave.

It’s that constant nagging fear that something is wrong or is going to go wrong or I am wrong but not really knowing why or how or what.

It’s clicking on your mouse at different links but never really reading anything.

It’s doing everything but what you are supposed to be doing.

It’s thinking that if I do this or that I will feel better but again- no relief.

It’s feeling like my stomach has joined a gymnastics team and thinks they are great… but really they are not.

It’s taking an extra dose of Prozac and not getting any relief.

It’s wanting your hubby and kids to love on you but not wanting to be touched either.

I know it will pass. I know I won’t always feel like this…  but in it, it feels like it will never end.

 

What anxiety looks like… to me.

This is what anxiety looks like to me.

Its standing frozen in one spot continually biting the skin around my finger- not able to move forward with anything until that little piece of skin on my finger feels just right.

It’s feeling like there are ants with needled feet crawling up and down your entire body but on the inside.

It’s feeling like I can’t sit still but I also can’t get up and move.

It’s shaking my entire body trying to get rid of this feeling over and over again without any relief.

It’s just wanting to curl up in bed and never leave.

It’s that constant nagging fear that something is wrong or is going to go wrong or I am wrong but not really knowing why or how or what.

It’s clicking on your mouse at different links but never really reading anything.

It’s doing everything but what you are supposed to be doing.

It’s thinking that if I do this or that I will feel better but again- no relief.

It’s feeling like my stomach has joined a gymnastics team and thinks they are great… but really they are not.

It’s taking an extra dose of Prozac and not getting any relief.

It’s wanting your hubby and kids to love on you but not wanting to be touched either.

I know it will pass. I know I won’t always feel like this…  but in it, it feels like it will never end.

 

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