Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Negust (negagive august)

I seriously dislike August. The only good thing that happens in August is my mom birthday and my daughters birthday. Other than that, I dislike August.

I don't know why but it has always seemed like the last few years- August has just been a rough month for me. Money always seems extra tight. Something always goes wrong. I am just extra down and depressed.  This August has been no different.  I am feeling a little bit better now than I did the beginning of the month. I guess a lot of it is because we have gotten past the one year anniversary of my dad passing .

A week ago was the worst.  If it could go wrong, it did.  Plus I was depressing thinking about my dad... it just made everything that much more worse.

I am feeling better. I am trying to focus on good things and positive stuff.  Next week I am going to a trade show for my job and then the following week I am going to a trade show for my husbands work. I am really looking forward to both of them. I rarely ever get a break from all of my kids... and to get that much time... its insane.

I need to get myself on a schedule. I have no much that I need to improve. I have been so down and tired lately. I feel so overwhelmed with everything that I need to get done. I need to start getting to the gym at least 3x a week. I need to get my time with the Lord in. I have been seriously neglecting that and I can see how it is effecting my life.  I need to get on a good vitamin and keep at actually taking it.  I need to make time for my school work when that starts up again and make time for my house work, laundry, etc. I need to adjust my kids chores so they can help out a little bit more. I know I will have a fight over it with my son.... but we all have to pitch in.  Working 2 jobs, going to school and now doing home parties for Park Lane Jewelry... I can't do it all alone. I need help.


I know my blog posts are always all over the place. Mainly because that is about how my mind goes most of the days.

I need to finish up here and get back to mom life.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Saturday, July 1, 2017

4TH OF jULY

Today is the first day of a very difficult holiday for me.

The Fourth of July holiday was one that I always spent with my dad.

Every year my Grandma would have a cook out at her house and then we would watch the fire works from her dock over the lake.    This will be the first year that we will not be doing that. Thank goodness she's not having the cook out this year because I am not sure I would be able to handle going over there with out my dad.

Fireworks have always been something special to me. There is something magical about them... so watching them people I love make those moments even more special. Watching fireworks gives me the feels.... and this year- it takes on a whole new meaning.

I am already feeling down and just thinking about this holiday- the first 4th with out my dad is just pulling me down even farther.

I am trying to focus on spending time with my husband and my kids and my family and not stay on the thoughts of my dad not being here.  Focus on the love that surrounds me and know that my dad is over head watching down on us enjoying the fireworks  too.

Have a happy and safe Fourth of July!!!


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Sunday, May 28, 2017

A whole new mark of sadness...

We went last night to watch fireworks... and as I was sitting there watching the beautiful explosions in the sky it made me think of my dad... and how this Fourth of July was going to be really hard. I hadn't thought about it till then. I always spent Fourth of July with my dad at Grandma's having a picnic and watching the fireworks from her dock.  I won't be able to do that anymore.  I looked forward to going there with him and watching the fireworks, spending time with him and family and always hearing all the great stories from years past.  

Its ironic that this past year Grandma said it was going to be the last year she was going to have the cook out and everything. It was just becoming too much for her to do.  So in a way, I guess its good because I don't know if I would have been able to handle going over there with out my dad, just watching the fireworks last night was really hard, it took all I had not to bawl my eyes out.  

Its funny though, I know he is watching over me. He has a strong presence and makes himself known. 

In the last month or so... 
A picture of him moved from one place to another when there was no one home with me that was big enough to have been able to move it.  

Our computer that was turned off- started playing music.

Then, my daughters iphone "siri" started talking to us when no one was even by it or speaking when it started. 

And last night at the fireworks, we got the lawn chairs out that we brought, and out fell my dad's hat. (they were his lawn chairs)

Also, all the time, I am seeing shadows of someone out of the corner of my eye- like someone walking by a door real quick- I can't make out who it is or anything- its just a dark big blob. lol but I always think maybe its my dad letting me know that he is here with me. 

I dunno, just a few of my thoughts today. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 



Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Throw in the Towel

Today is one of those days where I just want to run away. I want to give up and throw in the towel. I feel like everything is against me... at least the important stuff. 

What do you do when it feels like a part of your life is falling apart... and there is nothing you can do to save it... When you have already put in so much energy and already lost so much of yourself to try and make everything ok? What do you do? 

I don't want to give up, but at this moment, I really don't know what to do. 

I am trying to focus on all the positive around me but some days the negative just is overwhelming. 

Ugh!

I know this is a vague post. I just needed to get words out and here the clicking of the keys. 

I know tomorrow is another day and it will be better.

God is Good.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Happy Mother's Day!!

Happy Mother's Day 

to all the lovely ladies out there whether you are a Mom, have a Mom. are a Mom figure, are a pet Mom and to all the men out there who are filling the Mom role... I hope you have a wonderful day!!! 



Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Friday, April 28, 2017

Realization Friday 4/28/17

It's finally Friday! 

And I slacked last week with my post... but I am on it today!!! 

This week I have come to realize:

~ that I am the one in control of my happiness

~ that when I plan something- it normally won't happen like I plan

~ that my dog is an amazing escape artist! 

~ that I now have summer allergies

~ that Google is my best friend

~ that My God is an Awesome God

~ that singing too much will cause a sore throat

~ that I am extremely nervous- but God's got this!! 

That's it for this week... if you would like your realization added to the list for the next post- Send me an email to: overthinkingmama@gmail.com

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Taking Control of my Happiness

I have decided to take life my horns and make it better. 

I am tired of being tired and depressed all the time. 

In a way... my dad passing was a bit of a wake up call. He was too young. I know he was in pain and I am sure it was a relief to him when it was over.  But still.  

It made me stop and really take a look at his life and mine. He was always in pain. He had heart problems. He had diabetes. He had scorisis. He had drop foot and had ligaments in his ankle that were deteriorating so he had to always wear this space boot looking thing. He had back issues and always had to be on some kind of pain meds.  He had arthritis every where. lol  

I don't want that to be me one day. I don't want to be in that much pain. 

So back in January I started seeing a counselor/therapist.  He is amazing. He is almost as old as my dad and is in amazing shape. He is an inspiration!  

So in the last few months I have been trying to better myself. 
I have started going to the gym. - not as often as I would like or as I should but hey... I am going. 
I gave up meat for lent. - not just on fridays but everyday. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. I started eating it again this week. And I am just whatever about it. lol
I am trying to cut back and eventually give up carbs and sugars. This is going to be a very hard one for me. I love my breads, pastas, potatoes and chocolate!  
I am going to eliminate soda. I had gave that up for lent also- which was harder than the meat!! I have had some this week. But I really need to not. 
I am trying to have a different mindset with myself and my life. 

I need to focus on the good things in my life. I am in good health. I have a great family. I have a couple of good jobs. My animals love me. My kids love me. My husband loves me. and My family loves me.  
I need to learn to do what I can. Everything doesn't need to be perfect. My house always doesn't have to be spotless. It doesn't mean that I am any less of a person or woman or wife or mother. It is what it is. I do the best I can, and if its not good enough for someone- oh well! 
thinks I am wonderfully made- He Made Me!! 

I have felt a calling to help lead worship at the churches I have gone to... But my fear of being in front of people always held me back... but I never lost that calling... So I offered myself to the church I work for to lead a contemporary worship service one sunday a month. I am scared to death. But I will be ok. It will work out alright.. even if I make a complete fool of myself. I will be ok.  

I also went yesterday and signed up for classes at the community college!! And I actually have a plan and a goal. I am first going for a bookkeeping certificate and then will go for my associates in accounting!  I am excited and scared. But I can do it. I need to do it. I need to better myself. 

So yea... that is what is going on right now. I am going to make myself better. My life better. I want my  kids to look at their mom and not just see a crabby exhausted mom all the time. I want to them look up to me. I want to be an inspiration and motivator to my kids.  

Wish me luck and say a prayer for me.  

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama