Saturday, April 22, 2017

Taking Control of my Happiness

I have decided to take life my horns and make it better. 

I am tired of being tired and depressed all the time. 

In a way... my dad passing was a bit of a wake up call. He was too young. I know he was in pain and I am sure it was a relief to him when it was over.  But still.  

It made me stop and really take a look at his life and mine. He was always in pain. He had heart problems. He had diabetes. He had scorisis. He had drop foot and had ligaments in his ankle that were deteriorating so he had to always wear this space boot looking thing. He had back issues and always had to be on some kind of pain meds.  He had arthritis every where. lol  

I don't want that to be me one day. I don't want to be in that much pain. 

So back in January I started seeing a counselor/therapist.  He is amazing. He is almost as old as my dad and is in amazing shape. He is an inspiration!  

So in the last few months I have been trying to better myself. 
I have started going to the gym. - not as often as I would like or as I should but hey... I am going. 
I gave up meat for lent. - not just on fridays but everyday. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. I started eating it again this week. And I am just whatever about it. lol
I am trying to cut back and eventually give up carbs and sugars. This is going to be a very hard one for me. I love my breads, pastas, potatoes and chocolate!  
I am going to eliminate soda. I had gave that up for lent also- which was harder than the meat!! I have had some this week. But I really need to not. 
I am trying to have a different mindset with myself and my life. 

I need to focus on the good things in my life. I am in good health. I have a great family. I have a couple of good jobs. My animals love me. My kids love me. My husband loves me. and My family loves me.  
I need to learn to do what I can. Everything doesn't need to be perfect. My house always doesn't have to be spotless. It doesn't mean that I am any less of a person or woman or wife or mother. It is what it is. I do the best I can, and if its not good enough for someone- oh well! 
thinks I am wonderfully made- He Made Me!! 

I have felt a calling to help lead worship at the churches I have gone to... But my fear of being in front of people always held me back... but I never lost that calling... So I offered myself to the church I work for to lead a contemporary worship service one sunday a month. I am scared to death. But I will be ok. It will work out alright.. even if I make a complete fool of myself. I will be ok.  

I also went yesterday and signed up for classes at the community college!! And I actually have a plan and a goal. I am first going for a bookkeeping certificate and then will go for my associates in accounting!  I am excited and scared. But I can do it. I need to do it. I need to better myself. 

So yea... that is what is going on right now. I am going to make myself better. My life better. I want my  kids to look at their mom and not just see a crabby exhausted mom all the time. I want to them look up to me. I want to be an inspiration and motivator to my kids.  

Wish me luck and say a prayer for me.  

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

The Struggle is Real

Its Tuesday. Its almost 7pm. And right now, all I want to do is go to bed. 

The struggle is real. 

My kitchen sink is over flowing with dishes and I refuse to clean them since I am not the one who used them. 

The struggle is real. 

There are clothes all over my bedroom floor- majority of which I did not put there and I am dreading having to pick them up and wash all of them. 

The struggle is real. 

I have about 5 baskets of laundry that are clean and need folded that I just don't have the energy to do. 

The struggle is real.

I wanted to go to the gym tonight... but here I am sitting, sipping on my wine and typing up a blog post. 

The struggle is real. 

I am currently sitting outside watching my baby girls playing. My husband fixing the driveway. My dog sunbathing.

I am trying to enjoy the moments of my day and not wish them away. 

I am trying to relax and not let my anxiety get the best of me... which today has been hard. My fingers are paying for it.  I have found every little piece of dry skin and picked and picked and picked till either it hurt or bled or both.  My foot and leg haven't stopped twitching.  And even now as I am trying to just relax... I feel my fingers and want to pick. It takes all I have not to pick them... and then that makes feel even more anxious.  Its like a never ending battle that I can't seem to win.  But I need to try one way or another.  

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Happy Easter!!!!

Happy Easter!!! 

He is Risen! 

Blessings N  Love
Overthinking Mama 

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Realization Friday- a day late.

Finally a Realization Friday post... of course its a day late... story of my life. 

So with out any further adue- 

This week I have come to realize-

That its hard to tell your kids no, it doesn't matter how old they are. 

That having more than one kid is like wrangling monkeys most of the time. 

That sometimes all you need is to go to the gym and sweat it out! 

That whining kids are seriously annoying. 

That the love of a child is heaven. 

That's all for this week.  If you have any realizations you would included in next weeks post, please feel free to email them to me at:

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Tired of being Tired

I am supposed to be working. 

I am supposed to be doing school work. 

But all I want to do is go to sleep... 

I don't know what my problem is these past few weeks. Its like I have no motivation. I have no desire to do anything. All I want to do is sleep. 

I can't concentrate on any one thing.  
Right now on my computer I have work emails open, facebook, this blog, looking up vitamins on 3 different websites, and my classes- all on different tabs. 

I will start out with one, and think of something and go to that. Its like my brain can't finish a thought.

I am also sitting here jittery. I don't think my legs have stopped moving. 

I am just so tired of feeling like this. 

I am tired of always being tired. 

I swear my family thinks I am a big joke and lazy cuz I am always wanting to take a nap. I don't want to nap!!! I don't want to sleep my life away. I want to live life. I want to be active. I want to be apart of my family- not just sleep it away.  And its not like I can just "push" myself through everything. I am exhausted. Most days it feels like I sleep maybe an hour or two- even though I can sleep a full 7-10hrs! Its like I can never get enough sleep. 

I went to the doc about a month ago. And she is amazing. But she couldn't find anything wrong with me. Every single test came back fine that could be a possibility of me being tired. 

I feel like I am crazy. I feel like my family thinks I am crazy. 

I don't want to be like this. I don't know what to do anymore. 

I have so much I want to do and accomplish... and I feel like I can't really because I am always tired.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Gym time

I have been wanting to write a post all weekend about me going to the gym... but it seemed like it was one thing after another and when I did have a moment to sit down and type something.. I just had no motivation for it.
And even now... I am just like bllaaahhh... but I will press on.

We got a gym membership for Planet Fitness back in the beginning of March... so about a month now.  I want to better myself. I am 35. My dad passed away 8 months ago and he had all kinda of health problems, mainly because he never really took great care of himself. I don't want to be like that. And my therapist (yes, I am seeing a therapist) is a huge inspiration to me.

I had a gym membership about 3 or 4 years ago... I can't remember exactly when I had it... but this time around, everything is so different- I am so different.

When I had the membership before, the first few weeks, I was all about going, as much as I could. Everyone said how great I would feel afterwards, how it would help with my energy. It did the exact opposite. It made me exhausted. When I left the gym, I just wanted to go home and go to sleep.  I didn't feel good, I didn't have a "high", I was completely exhausted. I hated it. I had to force myself to go every time I went... and after a month and half maybe, I just stopped going.  I dreaded going. There was no perks for me to go.  Let alone the fact that I was so self concious that everyone was starting at me and thinking I am crazy or I don't know what I am doing (which was true! I had no clue half the time).

This time around... it so so different. After working out, I feel great! I can't wait to go back again. I can't wait to sweat and feel my mucsules burn afterwards.  I have signed up for two personal training classes and I can't wait to do more!  I still have my anxiety about going... especially going alone... and when I signed up for the first class, not knowing what to expect, I was so nervous that I almost just didn't go. But I am so glad that I did. I felt great afterwards and I am already planning more and more classes to attend. I need that... someone to push me and tell me to keep going- 1 more rep of 12! lol

Its crazy how much a person can change in a short period of time. How I can go from disliking the gym to loving it.  Now if I can just motivate my husband to come with me more often, things would be great!!  

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Dancing Baby

Just a little something to put a smile on your face for today! 

My girl sure does love to dance!! lol 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Downward spiral of depression and anxiety

Today, This is my sanity. I put my problems down at the foot of Jesus.

Yesterday was a rough day. My husband and I didn't get along the greatest. We were trying to do something and it seemed like anything that could go wrong- DID.  
Out of frustration, my husband said something. I didn't hear exactly what he said, but I read his lips. I thought he said one thing... He swears he said something else.  But that sent me into a downward spiral of depression and anxiety that I am still in today. 

Today I am just feeling like a failure. I am feeling like I can not do anything right. 
Today I need to lay it all down. Let Jesus take control for the insurities and the negativity. I need to lay down my problems because I can no solve them on my own. I can only do this with Christ by my side. 

I love the days I work at the church. I can take a few minutes and just be. I can take my praises and my problems to the alter and lay it all out there. I can thank God for the blessings and ask for help with a problem or ask for forgiveness.  I know I can do this anywhere, but being able to do it in the house of God, at the alter, just does something to my heart and my soul. 

I look forward to these moments. I long for these moments. 
I know with God's help, I will get through everything. 
I know with God's help- everything will work out one way or another and will be ok. 

God has blessed me in so many ways. I need to focus on the blessings and not the negativity. I need to not let the bad moods of others effect my overall well being. I need to keep my focus on Christ and bettering myself for HIM and not on my failures.  

Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to come and lay my burdens down at your feet. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share You with the world. Please continue to be there with me through the dark moments and shine Your light on the shadows that surround me. In Jesus' name. Amen. 

Blessings N Love 
Overthinking Mama 

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Mornings with Girls

This is my morning with my two girls. 
They are mad at me. 
I made them go to school. 
I made get out of bed. 
I made them get dressed. 

Renbug is mad at me because she couldn't find the salt shaker for her snack she was packing today and I told her that she needed to hurry up. So she got discouraged and just left with out it.  

Samipooh is mad because she didn't want to get up today. 

Neither talked to me on the way to school. Neither barely acknowledged me as they got out and went into school.  

It breaks my heart that they feel like this before school.

It breaks my heart that nothing I do makes it better but does seem to make it work. 

I know this is all part of life... they are growing girls... 8 and 10. They are becoming young ladies and I know as the years pass this will get more intense as their bodies change. 

I need to just love them, support them, and be there for them.  

Its hard and it hurts my heart for them. I say a prayer for them everyday and I know that God is with them through out their day- so I know that they are not alone.  

Blessings N Love 
Overthinking Mama 

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Real Life

Someone posted the other day on facebook: Do Not compare your life to highlights of someone else's life.  Or something like that. lol 

That really had me thinking...  most people don't post the real life struggles of life. They post the cute, loving pics that show how great their life is. We don't want people to think our live is stressful or hard or lets face it- real. 

So I wanted to show you the real moments of my life. 

Today the kids had a snow day... my sitter couldn't come. So I had to attempt to work from home today... anyone with 2 toddler's knows how fun that is... add into a couple older girls who fight well like sisters... and that makes things so much more easier. *insert sarcasim* 

I see others post about them working from home with these cute little offices decorated perfectly... 
This is my office for the day... and if I need to take a call.. I have to go fun into my bedroom and lock the door and hope and pray that the kids don't come banging on it. lol

kitchen table, laundry piled up, and the evil eye given by my cat. 
my view on the other side. baby playing on phone... and dirty floors. 

my work partner... who every 5 minutes pushes the wrong something on the phone and needs me to fix it.
my view. dirty floors. dirty dishes. dirty. 

And in a few minutes... everyone is crying and wanting attention. lol.  Never a dull moment around here. But I wouldn't give it up for anything. I have been so blessed with 5 beautiful children. They may drive me crazy but they are mine


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Saturday Morning

Everyone is still sleeping. This is a very rare occurance around here. Normally LilyBee is up at the buttcrack of dawn and then the big girls soon after that.
Today, I was the one up at the butt crack of dawn. lol. I have a sinus infection. ugh. I woke up with a horrible headache, my nose all stuffed and running! Plus a nice crusted shell around my nose from where it apparently ran all night long.

The urgent care opens up at 10am... I will be there at 10:01am. lol. I have had symptoms for a couple weeks now.. but its to the point where its affecting my head and making it hurt... so its time to do something. I am a baby when it comes to headaches. lol.

One good thing about being up this early is that I get some quiet time with God. I don't get that often, at least not with out someone saying mommy mommy mommy... over and over (it is worth it tho)

This was in the devotional I was reading this morning.  It fills my heart knowing that God loves me. Knowing that God loved me first. God loves me now. God loves me always and God will love me last.  He loved me before I was even formed in my mother's womb. He loved me before my mom even thought about having a baby girl. He loved me before my mom was even born. Can you imagine a love so great?? It is such a hard concept for us to even comprehend... Our earthly minds and hearts can't feel a love like that for someone else... but God loves us more than we will ever understand. God loves us more. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Sunday, March 5, 2017


I am loving having a new and my very own laptop.
This is the first time in years where I can turn my worship music on... put my headphones in, turn it up and just get lost in the song. I want to say the last time I was able to do this I was pregnant with Madybear... so almost 3 years ago!!
I don't know. There is something about just being able to block out every single noise going on around me and just drowning my mind and my spirit in to music.

This is what I am currently listening to.. One of my favorite songs. It hits deep with in my soul... my mind.. my heart.

I first heard this song probably 5 years ago at church. It spoke to me so much. It brought me to tears. 

We are bound up by so many chains. Chains we don't even realize. Chains we put on our self.  Chains of unworthiness. Chains of doubt. Chains of feeling unloved. Chains of despair. Chains of negativity. Chains of guilt.   
These are the devils lies. Lies to keep you from being your full potential. Lies to keep you from Christ. Lies to keep you down and to keep you in the devils court.  Lies. Lies. Lies. 

There is power in the name of Jesus. 

Jesus gave up his life. He shed his blood so that these chains could be broke. His sacrifice took the power of the devil away from us. He took the hold the devil had on us away. We just have to believe in our hearts that. We have to believe that Jesus gave it all for us. It says we have to believe in our hearts and speak with our mouths and we will be saved. (Romans 10:10) The chains will be broken. 

We just have to have faith.  God loves you. You are special. You deserve those chains to be broken. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Tuesday, February 28, 2017


My family has started to think that I have gone crazy! lol.

I have taken the plunge headfirst into essential oils and aromatherapy. 

I am planning on taking as many classes as I possible can to learn as much as I possibly can... and even get certified in aromatherapy/essential oils. 

I have joined up with Jade Bloom and Monq. 

I have so far received from Jade Bloom, the tooth paste and tooth brush along with orange and cinnamon essential oils. I have used the tooth paste and brush so far. It is definitely different than normal tooth paste. There is no frothing or bubbles or anything like that...and the minty flavor is minty.. but not like a super sweet mint that you would get with regular toothpaste. The orange and cinnamon are to be mixed with warm water and swished around in my mouth as a mouth wash. I haven't gotten to do that yet... but it is definitely in my plans.  

Today I figured I would try something new. I put a drop of lavender oil in my water. It tastes different. My first thought is that I am drinking soap. lol. Mainly because most of the instance I have been around lavender is in a soap of some sort... so it is going to get some getting used to if I use this in my water again. The next thing I want to try is making lavender lemonade. I saw a recipe on facebook for it and it seemed pretty good. :-)  Maybe the lemons will deter from the soapy taste. ha

I ordered a personal diffuser from Monq.  U should get it in the next few days. I can not wait to try it. I ordered Zen and if it helps, I will definiteliy be ordering more... the next one I want to try is the energy blend. :-) 

If you want to check out either company, here are the links for them. :-) 



If you have any question regarding any of these products- feel free to email me on here and I will do my best to answer them for you! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Thursday, February 23, 2017


My mind is in so many different places lately... its hard to stay focused on one thing.  

Yesterday in the car my husband was having a conversation with me... and I have no clue what was said or that he was even talking... I was so lost in my thoughts. 

Half the time anymore I don't even have the radio on in the car because I am so lost in my thoughts I don't even realize that it's not on. 

What am I thinking about?? Oh ya know... everything! lol. That's what I do. Over think. (if I didn't I wouldn't have a blog  lol) 

I have been seeing a therapist for about a month now... and he has really got me overthinking a lot of things...especially where I want to go from this point forward in my life. 

I have always had a million and one dreams that I would love to do. I think I want to incorporate the majority of them into one dream... being a wellness coach.  I can do and teach yoga, meditation, get into essential oils, counsel and just be there for someone to vent to, help them make healthier life choices and just over all be there for them. 

I know its going to be a long process... and there are going to many different classes that I will need to take, but I think in the end it will be worth it.  I just have to focus and stick to this. 

Say a prayer for me. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Monday, February 20, 2017


Part of me is glad the weekend is over. There were a lot of sad/negative moments in the weekend. But then there were a lot of great moments, and I am trying to focus on those.

Friday I took the day off and was able to get the house cleaned, laundry finished, and take a nap.
Friday night, we were able to get a sitter for all the kids and PeyPey went to his dads. So hubby and I went out to eat at Olive Garden. We had wine, soup, pasta, bread. It was yummy. We came home snuggle and spent some great quality time together- just us. That hasn't happened in a while.

Saturday morning, I was able to open the window and door and enjoy the warm off season Ohio air. I was able to got to breakfast with my mom and big girls and then come home and just relax. I also was able to strip the bed and get all of that laundered.  The afternoon, we went for a bike ride to the park and let the kids play. The night, my bff and her sweetie and his kids and neices and nephews came over to hang out and Renbug had her bff over to spend the night.

Sunday morning we went to the church I work at for service and a luncheon afterwards. It was nice to have fellowship with everyone there. I don't get to do that often. On the way home, we stopped at a park and let the kids play. We came home and the babies passed out in the van on the way. I went and took a nap myself and slept for 3hrs! I must have needed it.  Later in the evening, we went to my moms for dinner and hung out there for awhile and then came home... and eventually went to bed.

I got to sleep in today since the kids were off school and yet I am still tired.

Hoping to be able to go see a new doc in few weeks who will help me with the "always tired feeling"

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

a whole lotta nothing

I have tried to start writing this post, I don't know how many times...  and even now I fully don't know what to type.

I want to blog about my new mindset on my future... that I am thinking about becoming a wellness coach.

I want to blog about how I have been going and seeing a therapist and how it has helped me so much in such a short period of time... and how this one is so much better than the last one I went to!

I want to blog about how I am not sure what's going on with my job...and what the future holds for me there.

I want to blog about how wonderful my kids are.

I want to blog about how I broke down in tears on Valentine's day because I couldn't call my dad and say hi.

I want to blog about how my week has been....

Yet, when I start to type any of that... or even think about typing anything... it comes up blaaaaahhhh. lol

So here I am writing a post about nothing and pretty much wasting your few minutes of life reading this.

Tomorrow will be better.

Blessing N Love
Overthinking Mama

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Crap. crap. and more crap.

It has lasted forever it seems!! 

I feel like I haven't feel 100% in forever. 

It started at Christmas. Both the babies got the stomach flu that was going around. Both were up and down all night throwing up. I got the other end of it. On the toilet most of the night and the next morning.  It has been off and on since then. Along with nausea and stomach cramps. It was the worst last Thursday and I finally broke down and got an appt with my doc. She ran some tests and nothing. She wants another test. So we shall see. Now this week... I have a freaking cold or something! Coughing like crazy. Sore throat that feels like there is a huge lump in it when ever I swallow. Every inch of me down to my toes aches. Also, I am freezing. I am sitting here in my winter coat and I am freezing. 

I seriously can't win!! 

Yesterday, I went to my gyno and she found a couple lumps in my breast so I have to go have a mamaogram on monday and she also thinks I have a bladder stone. Lovely huh!? 

So I have just been working and doing what I have to at home and trying to rest..but with 5 kids that is easier said than done. 
I know I will get through it and be better. Just have to tough it out for awhile. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Skating Saturday

My mom and I took the girls skating. 

My mom takes the big girls for skating lessons every Saturday. This time we decided to take the babies for open skate afterwards.  

Mady loved it!!! She went out with out help and started dancing along with the music. She loved it. 

Lily wanted to be out there to. But she wasn't feeling the greatest and was ready for a nap so she easily got frustrated with falling and not being that great on her feet. lol

Madybear fixing her car. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Different mindset on marriage

2016 was a rough year… but truthfully in the midst of all the negativity and struggles, there were a ton of blessings. And even though I feel like 2016 was a horrible year… truthfully- it was a blessed year and that is what I truthfully need to focus on.
The thing that is on my mind today is marriage. My marriage. Its been 2 ½ years so far… and boy was it a rough rollercoaster of a ride.  There were times that I worked my butt off trying to make everything work and then there were times that I seriously just wanted to give up and walk away. One thing I have learned here in the last few weeks- this marriage isn’t about me… it isn’t about my husband. It is about God.  My marriage is a reflection of God’s relationship with us. I am sure that there are many times that if God were human, he would just want to walk away from me and all of my flaw… but thank goodness, he is not human.  I need to reflect that kind of love and patience that the Lord has given to me, in my marriage. I need to show support and nurturing to my husband even when I don’t want to and even when I feel like he don’t deserve it.
I could sit here and list a million things that he does on a daily basis that I take as a personal assult on me, myself. But truthfully, its not. Its my hubby being human. Its him being exhausted, him being tired, him being hurried to be able to spend time with me and our family, its him just wanting to sit down and relax after a hard day at work.  Do I feel like the burden of the house and kids are on my shoulders? Yes. But I am sure he does too or has an equally heavy burden on his.
We all have good days and bad. And thankfully most of my bad days are matched by good days my husband is having. He equals me out. He is the yin to my yang so to speak. 
So the next time I just want to give up and walk away… I need to remember God’s love, patience and grace that he has extended to me- and extend it to my husband and be a reflection of my Lord for the world or at least my kids to see.

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama