Tuesday, November 30, 2010

thanksgiving


I m thankful for love...


my weekend





had a great weekend... had a wonderful thanksgiving. and got to send time with family. my bf came into town even tho he had the flu.. we celebrated baby girls bday Friday with my Mon, bro, and stepdad..Saturday I made s thanksgiving dinner for the kids, myself the bf. and Sunday was baby girls bday! so we went to chuck e cheese... then up to the hospital. to see nani and Papi. it was a great weekend.. tho Monday morning it was my turn with the flu, so I've been home the last couple days trying to get better... I m already :-)


my weekend





had a great weekend... had a wonderful thanksgiving. and got to send time with family. my bf came into town even tho he had the flu.. we celebrated baby girls bday Friday with my Mon, bro, and stepdad..Saturday I made s thanksgiving dinner for the kids, myself the bf. and Sunday was baby girls bday! so we went to chuck e cheese... then up to the hospital. to see nani and Papi. it was a great weekend.. tho Monday morning it was my turn with the flu, so I've been home the last couple days trying to get better... I m already :-)


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

almost thanksgiving

After today, I have a 4 day weekend. I am so looking forward to that. Like you have no.idea.  I am so in need of a break. 
Tonights plans are to go to the laundry matt… my son was sick the other day. In.my.bed. and threw up all over my mattress topper thingy.. and of course its way too big to fit into my washing machine. So I need to go and get it in a BIG washer and dryer and try and get it cleaned…  It says to just spot clean.. but who the hell wants to spot clean something that big and with that much puke. But I figured while I am at the laundry-matt ill start writing my paper that is due on Monday.  Yay.
Tomorrow the plans are to get my bro for a bit, go up to the hospital and see my step-mom  and then head to my moms for dinner.  I am still not sure what time my son is supposed to go with his dad.. waiting to hear back from him on that. ugh.  And I highly doubt my daughter’s father will even bother to try to attempt to see her for the holiday… maybe her bday on Sunday… but I am not holding my breath.
Sometime in the evening my BF and his daughter are planning on coming up, so I am looking forward to that.  And I am planning on having a T-day dinner either on Friday or Saturday. Not really sure which.  Celebrating my daughters bday with my mom and family on Friday night.. The rest of the weekend I really have no plans… maybe just watch movies and play board games with the kids… Then Sunday we are celebrating my daughter’s bday… not really sure exactly where or how… but she’s turning 4 so I am sure it will be fun.!


HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Monday, November 22, 2010

Step-Kids

I am not married and do not have any actual step kids of my own. But I do have a few girls that I consider like my own. Of course my BF's daughter Brianna (8) and then there's my daughter’s father and I were together for 1 1/2years. He has 3 other daughter’s beside ours and two of them I feel in my heart a strong connection to. Brianna (10) and Arianna (7). Brianna lives in another state with her grandmother and family there and Arianna now lives in another state but used to live here in Ohio with me.  When Arianna was here, her father and I while together would get her every other weekend. She was like a daughter to me and even after her father and I split, I would still go and get her on the weekends to make sure that her and my daughter had a good relationship.  I have also tried to stay in contact with Brianna over the years for this same reason and even when down to see her a few months back so she could meet my daughter (now 3).  To me, when you have a step child especially if you have your own children, that stepchild should be treated just like your own. Not like its someone else child you are having to take care of, and definitely NOT like this is the child that you spouse or significant other had with ANOTHER woman, because truth be told, it’s not this childs fault that it is in the situation that it is in.
One thing that I really dislike is when the “stepchild” is left out of family functions. Ok I know sometimes it can’t be helped… but sometimes you can arrange things differently so that the child can be included.
A few years ago my ex- m-i-l met me at the mall because she wanted my son to get his pic taken with Santa. I was going out there anyway, so it was all good. She had my son’s brother and his stepsister with him…  we got up and she set all 3 kids up there with Santa and then after that was done, she wanted a pic with just her two grandson’s and Santa and made the little girl stand off to the side. I felt sorry for the little girl.  It was like she was just pushed aside because she wasn’t blood. My ex m-i-l said- well I want a picture of my Grandson’s incase my son and her mom split up.  Really??  There’s that wonderful positive feeling that I missed. *NOT*  I mean ok.. I get it.. She ain't blood and one day she may not be part of the family anymore… but what if she always is apart of the family? What if you want to remember that wonderful moment with her there?  Should she just been pushed aside?   I don’t know… maybe I just look at things differently… 
Like next weekend, I am planning on getting “family” pictures taken.  My boyfriend and his daughter will be here. I want them in the pictures with me. I planned on having all of us in one… then me and my kids, him and his daughter and then me and him in the pics and maybe one of all the kids.   
I just feel like, if you have a step child, they should be included as if they were your own.  Not to be pushed aside. If I was going to get family pics and my BF and I had a child… I would not get a pic with just me, him and our child esp. if his child was there… or I would not get a pic of just me, him, and MY children and not his.   I just don’t think its right.  But I guess maybe that is just me… 
I mean I did take my ex’s daughter every other weekend after we split and he had nothing to do with her.  And I did make sure that my ex’s other daughter and mother and sister met my daughter this past summer, even though he’s made NO effort to do anything like that… 
Maybe I am just different?

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Convo with the BF

Texting Convo with my BF:

Him: How’d you sleep last night?

Me: Like S***

Him: How come  you’ve been sleeping so bad?

Me: Idk. Lol. maybe cuz of stress?

Him: You should try some Unisom or something?

Me: Im scared too… I am afraid that that I will fall asleep so hard I wont hear if there is something wrong and then I wont wake up in the morning.

Him: Well that’s understandable.

Me: Plus I don’t have 6-10 hours to devote to sleep and I always have some heavy equipment to operate.

Him: Oh ok. Lol. J I didn’t you were using those heavy machine by your bed.

Me: Oh, I don’t. Normally on the front lawn. I don’t wanna wake the kids.

Him: oh. Ok.


Yea.. that’s how our convo’s go. Lol.



God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Convo with the BF

Texting Convo with my BF:

Him: How’d you sleep last night?

Me: Like S***

Him: How come  you’ve been sleeping so bad?

Me: Idk. Lol. maybe cuz of stress?

Him: You should try some Unisom or something?

Me: Im scared too… I am afraid that that I will fall asleep so hard I wont hear if there is something wrong and then I wont wake up in the morning.

Him: Well that’s understandable.

Me: Plus I don’t have 6-10 hours to devote to sleep and I always have some heavy equipment to operate.

Him: Oh ok. Lol. J I didn’t you were using those heavy machine by your bed.

Me: Oh, I don’t. Normally on the front lawn. I don’t wanna wake the kids.

Him: oh. Ok.


Yea.. that’s how our convo’s go. Lol.



God Bless
Overthinking Mama

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth…



My mom keeps asking me what I want for Christmas… but I really don’t know what to tell her… I know there are a lot of things that I need… but I can’t think of them…
I know the one main thing that I did tell her was a Remote Car Started. I hate going out in the freezing cold/snow/rain and having to start my car and get my windows defrosted.  I.hate.it. ggrr. 
Other than that… I don’t know…  hhmm… time for an internet searchs… lol.

I need bed sheets (queen). I don’t think I have got new bed sheets since…. Um… when I moved into my first house…. Almost 9years ago.  Wow.. yea.. I’d say its definitely time for some new bed sheets.

Candles, body cream (not lotion), body wash- always need that kinda stuff. My two favorite smells right now are sweet day dream from Victoria Secret and Orange Sapphire from Bath and Body works (ultimate fav)

Clothes!! I always need new clothes!!   My two fav places for clothes are : www.c28.com and www.charlotterusse.com

Purses!! I found these two cute purses on Etsy. http://www.etsy.com/listing/60828594/shine-of-a-flower-embroidery-tote

My dog to be neutered. (is that something you can ask for for Christmas?! Lol)
(im a practical kinda person lol)

I don’t know what else…  I am not a huge jewelry person… I mean I like it… but I normally just have a necklace I always wear… a couple rings I always wear… and maybe earings once in a while.

I guess I just want to be able to spend as much time with the people I love. That is the best Christmas gift ever. J

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

day 7

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for. 

There is actually two people that have made my life worth living for… My baby girl and my Lil Man.
Before them, my life was dull. But with them in my life… its exciting, bright, full of love, and there is never a dull moment…

I praise God for those two beautiful children!!!

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

"The Talk"

So, the other night on our way home from the nursing home where we were visiting Nani (my step-mom), the kids started asking about puberty… I can’t really remember exactly how the subject came up, but my son (who’s 8) asked me what puberty was.  So I looked at my BF and asked if it was alright to discuss it with my son right now because his daughter was in the car with us. He said it was fine…  I mentioned I might need a little help with some of the boy stuff… since I am not a boy and don’t know exactly what all goes on with boys…
I started my mentioning that both of them will start having  hormones – which is a chemical that their brains will release to make them feel things- go thru their body.  Girls will start developing boobs and will have periods. A period is where she will bleed out of vaginal area. And of course I got the WHY?  So I explained that once a month a girl when she reaches a certain age, her body will release an egg which is one part of a baby-  the egg goes into her uterus where it waits to be fertilized by a boys semen (explained that we will get to that in a minute) . If the egg is not fertilized than the body “sheds” the lining of the uterus and the egg and that’s why a girl has her period.  Also during her period she we be very moody. Happy one minute, angry the next, crying after that… 
My boyfriend explained to Lil Man that he will start having odd feelings in his penis. That it will start “standing up” at random times and he may feel the urge to masturbate- which is where you rub the penis until a white/clear liquid comes out- semen.  I interjected here and told him that it is completely normal to do this but it should be don’t in the privacy of his bedroom with his door locked or in the bathroom with the door locked.. and it’s to be done ALONE. I also mentioned that girls masturbate too… only it’s a little different. Girls have what’s called a clitoris. It’s a little nubby thing in between the skins of where she goes pee.   And girls masturbate by rubbing it either in circular motion or up and down- which ever feels best. (my boyfriend started laughing at me at this point- I just looked at him like what??)   I then told my son that when he masturbates to make sure to clean up the liquid afterwards with a towel or napkin or something.  Some how he mentioned that it wouldn’t be good to eat the semen… that it would make someone sick…  (the bf and I giggled here too)
The BF mentioned to lil man that he will start to get hair around his penis.. His daughter stated laughing about that and we mentioned to her that she will get it too. 
I mentioned that they will also have urges to have sex. But they shouldn’t act on these urges until they are married.  I asked them if they knew what sex was? They said no. I asked them if they wanted to. They said sure.
So I said that sex happens when a boy sticks his penis inside a girl’s vagina.  The penis then squirts the semen out into the girl’s vagina and meets with the girl’s egg and that’s how a baby is made.  And it should not happen until they are married. 
Then they wanted to see how babies were born. And my son piped in that he seen his sister being born… (I think the BF thinks I am crazy for that lol)  

The kids just kept giggling thru the whole thing.  I dunno but I hope it helps and I really hope that my son doesn’t ever feel embarrassed or scared to come to me to talk about sex… I still feel awkward talking to my mom about it.  When is it too young to start talking about sex with a kid??

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Day 6.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

The one main thing that I hope I never have to do is bury one of my children… or for that matter when the time comes- my grandchildren.

My sister had to do that. Bury her daughter. I don’t know how she did it. How she managed. I don’t know if I could.

My sister who actually is my daughter’s father’s sister is the same age is me. Her daughter was only 2 years old. The girl’s name is Amiyah. She was at home with her 2 brothers only a few years older than her. Her mom was asleep after working 3rd shift and her father decided to run down to the neighbors or the store or something and leave the kids there… practically alone… and with a gun.  The boys got a hold of the gun and were messing with it… and shot her. She didn’t survive. 
I don’t know how my sister managed to keep it together.   I was prego with my daughter at the time. My son was 4.  It was at the time one of the hardest things I had to do, and it wasn’t even my child. I just kept thinking about what if it was.
I guess it’s one of those things that you just don’t know how you will manage something or how you will handle something, until you actually have to. 

My daughter is named after her cousin.
Baby Girl’s first name than Amiyah-Ruth as middle name. (Ruth is my family passed down name)



God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

a battle within

I have had this internal battle with in me for almost a year now… and I am not really sure exactly how to handle it.
I haven’t been to church since I think maybe Easter.. Maybe one after that, but I don’t think more than once.  And I am not really sure why.
I am sure the people closest to me have their own opinions on why… but inside my head, I am confused to the reason.
All week long, I say on Sunday I am going to church. I am going. I am going. I am going. But I don’t have the passion to go. I miss having that passion, that desire. But I don’t have it. By the time Sunday comes… I just don’t feel like going.
Some may say it’s the devil holding me back.. and maybe it is. But how do I get the devils hands off of me??!! 
I’ve prayed for it and I will keep praying because it’s the only thing to do.
Maybe it’s because I am in need of a different church?  I love my church. Everyone there is nice. The pastors are great. But I dunno. As much as I do love it, sometimes when I was there, I felt out of place.
Now don’t by any means think that I am not a spiritual person. I believe in Jesus, whole heart and soul. I am born again, been re-baptized a couple years ago, I pray all the time, I talk to God and feel very close to Him. Maybe more so now than I have in a while. J 
I have been trying to do Holy Yoga or Christian Yoga every morning.  Its yoga with Christ at the center of it.  While doing the positions, or while meditating, you pray, you listen, and you open your heart your mind and your soul up to receive the Holy Spirit. It is amazing.  I try to do it everyday, but honestly some days I am just so tired and worn out, the bed gets the best of me that day. But I still have a passion to do this. I have a desire to do this.  I love doing this.  Why can’t I feel like that about going to church?!


God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Monday, November 8, 2010

its monday... and ive got mixed feelings about it.

This weekend was a different one.. Not really bad per say… just a lot of obstacles. Lol.

Friday we went up to the Nursing Home my step mom got moved to (on Friday) to visit with her for a bit. It was a lot of fun. I had both of my kids and my BF and his daughter.  Other than my son being a little bit obnoxious, it was all good.  My son’s father text and asked if I would meet him half way to drop off our son. I said sure, even though it was going to be 1130 at night. (He works 2nd shift 30minutes from where I live) As soon as I got back home from doing that, I got a call from him all pissy. He wanted to know why our son was walking around with a huge hole in the toe of his shoe. So I nicely explained to him that the hole started on Monday it was way worse today because our son can not stop picking at it. He asked me why didn’t I go and get him a new pair… I told him that A) It wasn’t that bad till today and B) I am in school everyday after work, so I didn’t have a chance.  He said fine. Then he mentioned that our son doesn’t know how to clean himself in the shower. I said I have told him how, told him to use soap, told him where to clean, and to make sure that all the soap is washed a way. His reply: well every time he comes over here I have to give him a shower. I don’t want him to be the smelly kid at school.  (really?? At what point is it his responsibility as his FATHER to a SON to show him how to do something?? )  I just re-said what I previously said. And we hung up. 
Saturday was a pretty decent day.  But I got a call at 1030, my step-mom has a fever and is going to the ER. She was admitted and back in ICU. My dad didn’t make it home till 2am and my sis didn’t make it home till after 5am. Fun.
Sunday, my dad called and asked if I would come over and help him get something together for breakfast. Me and the BF had already planned on making a nice breakfast that day (as we normally do on Sunday) so we decided we will just go and do that over there.  On the way over there I get a call from my ex all pissy about the shoes again. Telling me that they are 2 sizes too small and that’s the reason why my son’s toe poked out of them… (not because he’s a boy and is hard on his shoes, or not because they are just old and needed replaced, not because he messed with the itty bitty hole for a week and make the entire sole come off… No, it’s because they are too small). So I proceeded to tell him that I didn’t know that they were too small, our son hadn’t once mentioned that they were too small or hurting his feet. His reply. Well I can just look at them and see that they are too small.  I said to him that they are the same shoes he wore over there 2 weeks ago.. you didn’t say anything then, so he grew that much in 2 weeks??!!  He said NO, he noticed it then but didn’t say anything to me about it. (really?? And what does that say about you??!!)    We got off the phone. Well actually I think I might have hung up on him… I figured turn around is fair game since when ever he gets upset over something I say, he hangs up on me.  Then a few minutes later I get a text saying if you don’t have time for our son then he should come live with me. Yea. Buddy because you have time for him… you work 2nd shift. Hhmm… so who would be raising our son if he lived with you?? Oh yea. Your wife.. who our son doesn’t care for and who our son doesn’t want to come over there because of… but yea… lets have her raise our son, because she will do oh so much of a better job at it than his REAL BLOOD MOTHER.  Then he calls back… and we go back and forth over this all again… then he finishes it by saying that I need to pay more attention to my son and my daughter… so I did the mature thing and said F you and hung up on him.   
 OH… and my daughters father text me on Saturday asking if he could have our daughter on Sunday. I said sure, no problem.  So Sunday comes along… I don’t hear anything. So at 11, I text him and say what time do you want her? We are gonna eat and then she’s all yours… NO REPLY FROM HIM… an hour and half later… I text him again.. and say, so I guess you aint getting her…  NO REPLY FROM HIM. and an hour again.. text him… NO REPLY. Finally about 230 I get a text back from him. He’s sick. He just woke up. And that’s it.  The funny thing is… Almost every single time he’s supposed to get her, He’s sick. Or his car breaks down, or he has to work, or his apartments being fumigated, or , or , or. There is always some reason why he can’t get her. 
The last time he was supposed to get her, last Tuesday… I just never hear from him all. Day. Long. (nice huh?) The time before that… hhhmm.. Maybe father’s day?!  He couldn’t get her than because going in some boating race was more important.. but he’d get her in the afternoon… but don’t ya know, the race didn’t start on time so he didn’t finish till in the evening… and of course had no signal to let me know. 
So that was the fun parts of my weekend. Lol. 
On the upside, I got to spend time with my baby girl, my bf and his daughter. J  So it was all good I guess. J

God Bless

Overthinking Mama

Friday, November 5, 2010

Realization Friday












got bored. :-p i colored and trimmed my hair tho. :-) 



Day 5

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

There are so many different things that I hope to do in my life…   
One is to be happily married to a great Christian man. I would like to have at least one more child once I am married. 
I would like to finish college with at least associates in something. J
More immediate goal is, I would like to open a Christian coffee house/Bakery. I want to open a place where everyone can gather and feel at peace.  A place where people can hang out late at night/on the weekend instead of feeling like they have to go to a bar.  I want a place where we have local bands come and play once a week or once a month. Where maybe we can get some famous bands to come play. Have poetry night, karaoke night, art night.. I dunno just a place where you can be yourself and get to know yourself. I want to serve different types of coffees, teas, hot chocolate and sodas. Food wise,  I want to have a nice bakery, cookies, pastries, cakes, pies, muffins. This part would be handled by my mom.. She is an amazing baker. Also maybe have soups/salad/sandwiches for lunches or late night snacks.  
I want to have a good relationship with my kids, my family, and my friends. I want to be a wife and a friend.  I want to be happy. I want to not have to constantly worry about things in my life.




God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Day 4.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.


Hhhmmm…
I am normally pretty good about forgiving people of things… Thou, I don’t know, maybe I’m not. I still feel hurt and anger over the things that they have done… but I don’t throw it back in their face what they have done or how they have hurt me… except for one person.
My daughters father. For the hurt he’s caused me, I forgive him. I still hurt from it… but what’s done is done and I am a better person now for it.
But the one thing I have trouble forgiving him for… How he is to our daughter.  
I try and forgive him for not seeing her, but when its something that is constant, its really hard to. 
He hasn’t seen her for more than 10 minutes since July 4th.  The only time’s he has seen her since then is her 1st day of school, when he’s been driving by in his work truck (while working), or when I take her up to his work to see him.  He rarely calls to see her and never asks for her. 
Monday he sent me a message asking me what she was doing on Tuesday. I replyed- spending the day with you. Assuming that is the reason why he asked- he wanted to see her. He replyed with ill have to see if I am working or not. I never heard back from him. I text him a couple times during the day and called him ( I needed to know if I should let the sitter know if she will be there or not) and I never got a response. 
This is the way it always is. The last time he has taken his daughter, I believe was Easter. Maybe once after that, I can’t remember.  I am tired of always trying to force him to see his daughter… but I also probably won’t stop.
I try and forgive him for this. And I do. Then he does it again. 

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Phenomenal Woman

We read this poem in English yesterday... and wow. its awesome. I wanted to share this with you. 


Phenomenal Woman
 Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou 

30 Days of Me/Truths- Day 3 :-)

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Hhmm… this one I have to think about…  I don’t know what I need to forgive myself for… I'm sure there is something or many things… but at the moment, I can’t really think of them.
I guess one thing would be that I cheated on my ex-husband.  That wasn’t the reason we divorced, in fact I cheated on him before we were married. He knew and we moved forward. But its still something I did and I know I hurt him so bad and I can’t take that hurt, pain, and distrust away.
Also, that I didn’t try harder to make my marriage with him work. I can sit here and give you all the excuses… I was young. I didn’t know better. I wasn’t ready. He wasn’t a good husband. Blah blah blah. The plain and simple of it, I didn’t try.  We had dated for 8yrs before we even married. We had a kid, a house, and two dogs. The dream for most. But I wanted to be a party girl. I wanted to go out and meet people and be flirtatious and LIVE.  So we were married not even a year… separated with in a few months of getting married. Why did I even get married then? I don’t know. I loved him. He is a wonderful man. Everyone expected us to be married. I wanted to be married. But after the vows were said, things seemed to change… I guess I seemed to change. I don’t know. Looking back its all a blur. I remember bits and pieces of the whole… but not the whole all together.  I don’t know.  I guess I was looking for something better… hoping the grass would be greener on the other side of the fence… I have realize that yea… the grass may seem greener, but it may all just be the weeds growing thru. 
I have fought with these two things for 5years now. Its been 5 years this month since I have gotten divorced. And I hate myself sometimes that I hurt him so bad.  But I can’t change the past and I know that. I have stopped apologizing to him… tho I still want to but I don’t want bring up old emotions and everything with my ex and I really don’t have a moment a lone with him with out the kids or the new wife to express to him how sorry I am, plus at what point does it just become annoying?!   

Well those are the main ones that I can think of… I am sure there are more but those are the biggest. 

J
God Bless
Overthinking Mama