Thursday, January 8, 2009

need to get away from him.

I went to bible study last night... The first time in a long time for me... and the first time at the new church that I am going to...

We were talking to each other and then we prayed... and I realized i need to get away from at least one certain person in my life... my ex.

He was over before I went to bible study to do laundry (i am an idiot.. and am too nice) and to see his daughter for a whole 1/2 hour. lol.
The whole time he was there was one negativity after another after another... I told him I was going to bible study.. and he was like.. why? Its a waste of time. What you going there to meet someone? Who's going with you? Are you going to become one of those "holy rollers"? I feel like I am constantly having to defend myself to this man... and why? He's my ex. Why do I care what he thinks?? Why do I care what he says?? I will be so glad when our tie is broke.. When I don't have to talk to him for anything...
Unfortunately right now there is still one thing beside our daughter that ties me to him... He owes me money every month. And I know once that is done... I will be that much closer to being done too... and I know that once that is done... He will be gone... His daughter will only be another little girl that he sees only when its convenient for him because I am sure he will find some reason to hate me or not be able to see me and because of that... will not be able to see his daughter... he has 3 other daughters... that he's doesn't see because of hate for their mothers or caregivers... so I know that my daughter will be no different.
But I do not need that negativity in my life... I don't need to have to feel like I have to defend myself to anyone especially him!!!

The best part tho... is that I finally realize the negativity... I realize he will just drain me of my soul eventually... and then I will be nothing... But I have God now... and I will not let myself succumb to that.

1 comment:

  1. sweetie, i am so glad you realized how negative he is towards you... its hard.... jason isnt negative, but he does get in his "moods" where he would ask things like travis. it sucks. I blow him off. I used to answer every question on a dime. Forget that! lol

    What church are you going to?? I have been thinking long and hard about going to church... but since I live in Wellington, I will end up going out here till we move in the next few months.

    huggs sweetie!!! =]


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