It has been a rough weekend and I haven’t been in the best mood.
Saturday morning I woke up extra tired. I just wanted 10 more minutes of sleep. Just 10 more minutes, but of course I needed to get to the church for bible study and work. I woke up to find that the babies were into a bunch of my work stuff. I repeat myself multiple times every single day that they are NOT to touch ANYTHING THAT IS NOT THEIRS. I feel like no matter what I say or what punishments I give, they just don’t think or care if it feels like. I know that it is good that you are curious and all of that… but they also need to learn right and wrong. I don’t know what else to do to implement that into their heads.
Then, my teenage son, I feel manipulated me this past weekend. That made me very angry and very hurt. I am still feeling that way. I am just so tired of how he acts and treats everyone. I am tired of always being a mom and loving to him. I am tired of always trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and him always proving me wrong and everyone else right. I see so much potential in him though I am sure every mom says that about their child even when they are messing up everything in their life. He is hard-headed like me and has to learn life the hard way but making the mistakes himself and learning from them… I need to let go and let him do that. He will be 18 in May and hopefully graduated in June. At that point, I honestly have no clue what his plans are or what he is planning to do if anything different than what he is currently doing minus the highschool part. I just keep praying every day for him, for his mind, his heart and his future. God has a plan for him.
I am just on the edge of being burnt out I feel. My full-time job has become very overwhelming. I have to bring work home with me every night…. most nights I don’t even get to it because I have so much at home that needs to get done. I feel like I am failing at my full-time job and it is affecting my home life and my other jobs because I am constantly trying to do as much as possible as quickly as possible so I can get as much done as possible. I am two months behind on my homework for my class. I need to get that caught up and completed this week before my next class this weekend. Life just feels like its never-ending. I just need a day- a full day to myself. No kids. No jobs. Just me… to stay in bed, read, meditate, have time with God. Something needs to change. And even right now as I am writing this blog, I feel like I should be working. I should be doing something else.
But the only thing I am going to do now is head to bed. I am exhausted. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better and my mind will be more settled and focused on what it needs to be done.
