I kinda feel like I am desperate for someone to share my life with... desperate for someone to love...
I just recently had a crush on a really great guy... He was different than most the guys I like.. well at least different than the ones that I have dated... But I think that was part of what attracted me to him... but in all honesty... I didnt know all that much about him... just a few little things here and there... but over all... not that much..
But the few things that I did know... I really liked about him... He was a hardworker... Loved his kid... tried to spend as much time with his kid as possible... had ambitions... liked to read... had a great sence of humor... and oddly, one of the things that i really liked... he was an ass...
But I am thinking... that maybe its not so much him that I was really falling for... even tho I am sure things would have been great if it had actually happened... I think I just wanted to have a crush.. wanted to "love" someone and feel some sort of "love" love in return.
I think that is part of the reason why so many people find themselves in unhealthy relationships... staying with the man that beats them or treats them like dirt... because they want to "love" someone... they dont feel complete unless they have that someone in their life to love and cherish and get some sort of love in return... (as negative as it may be). I have been there and am just starting to be able to move past my ex and be over him.. and honestly up untill a few months ago, if he would have asked me back- i would have said yes even tho I would know I would be miserable from day one... but it was "love" .
Now I am not saying that my crush would have done me wrong or treated me badly... I don't know... we didnt get that far into anything to even find out... but I am glad that I had my crush on him... it helped me move past certain things... and helped me realize things about my life...
That I have my moments of desperations... I so want someone to love and be loved in return... but I need to be patient and not jump at the first man that may show me some attention..
I understand completely! Everyone is seeking the same thing it seems and it seems like its taking forever. I ran into my ex last night at the place we met and we talked for a bit and he told me how nice I looked blah blah. So the girl came in me and wondered if he called me and tried to get back with me-- what would I do? Id take him back I know but I'd wonder his intentions which would create unhappiness but I want love too. Dont get me wrong, he's not a bad guy. But dont feel alone on this one. I have so many contradicting feelings on everything that I just want one guy to show me he truly does care about me. Hang in there. You seem so sweet and have a big heart!
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