Saturday, December 24, 2011

The reason for the season

As I am sitting here on Christmas Eve... Sitting on my wonderful new couch that my sister Katie got for me and the kids this year... I realize how very blessed I am. I am staring at my lovely Christmas tree filled with gifts below and I am know that there are so many people out there that won't ever get to experience this.

I tweeted last night that I hate the holidays. And to an extent I do. I hate that everything is always so rushed. That some family members believe that they are getting shorted on their time with either me or my children... but unfortunately that is one of the prices to pay when you have multiple divorced families in the mix. My parents are divorced so I have to split the Christmas season between them. I am divorced and I have to split the time with my son between me and his father.  I guess I am lucky in a selfish way that baby girls dad doesn't expect to get her for anything on any holiday, but then it makes it harder on my baby girl because she will maybe if we are lucky only see her dad for an hour or two over the next couple days.   Sadly she doesn't really know any better... so this is life.

For the last 3 years I have gone to church on Christmas eve. This will probably be the first year that I won't be going. My regular church is a half hour away and with everything else going on.. there really isn't way time wise that I could make it out there for that.  My old church is having their services at odd times.. so it makes it hard for me to make it to them... so I am a little sadened this year that I wont be able to go. For the last 3 years I didn't care what was going on what we had to do... WE went to church. This year... I kinda feel like I lost a part of myself. I am back to being overly worried about trying to make everyone happy and in the process I am not going to be doing something that is the key to this whole holiday season...  I know that I don't have to go to church to celebrate the birth of our Lord... but I feel like I should.

I feel like this past 4 months I have gotten so wrapped up in everything in life that I have lost something of myself. I feel like I am so worried about trying to find time for everyone else and making everyone else happy that I have lost my own will.. lost my own motivation... I guess maybe I will put that on my list of things to accomplish for 2012... Get That Back!!! lol.

Anywho this post wasn't supposed to be a ramble on about me and my own issues.. it was to be about family... celebrations... and mainly Jesus!! Its his birth!! With out him would we still have this holiday??

Today for us will be spent with my dad, brother, sister and her love, and our grandmother. We always celebrate Christmas with them on Christmas Eve mainly because of the whole divorced family situations... it just ended up being easier.  This will be our first year with out my step mom bobbi... its going to be a hard Christmas.. I have already broke down and cryed thinking about it.  I know she is with us in spirit... but it will be hard.. this was one of her favorite holidays.  :-(   I never realized I could miss someone like I do. :-(

After the get together with the family I will be taking lil man to his dad and then head out to dinner at Red Lobster with my mom, step dad and brother. Again another tradition in my life. :-)  Afterwards we always head to my moms and open one gift. I feel bad that my son won't get to participate in this tradition :-( but he will be with his father this year. (we do everyother year with who has lil man on Christmas eve)

Tomorrow will be a lazy kinda day. Lil man will come home early afternoon and then we will open our gifts here and then head to my mom for Christmas over there.  So its a fun filled family time. Oh and on Monday we head to my Grandmas and celebrate with the family there. :-)

So... To everyone!!! I wish you all a wonderful Christmas!!!
Enjoy the time with your family... try not to let things stress you out.. focus on the love... and the reason for the season... JESUS!!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Baby Girl's 5th bday- Party!! (forgot to post!)

Picnic Dinner! 

Make over time!! 

and of course I had to be included!! 

my manicure

I know 4 five year old girls who should go work for the military- doing camo paint! 

paint time! 

Sunday, December 18, 2011

A Sunday Post

This is probably a first time... in a very very very long time that I have posted on a Sunday... But I just got this urge to type something up.. I will  apologize for any errors in spelling or typing.. I am on a new Laptop and this is honestly the first time I have used it really for anything.  :-)

This weekend has been pretty awesome. Friday we went out. It started out that I was kinda no in the mood. I had planned a night out (and I am realizing that if I don't plan it... no one else will) with my sis, and my two best friends. Well my two best friends bailed on my me.. and then the one felt bad and decided to come along. But it turned out to be an epic night. My sisters friends came up there there and my other besties boyfriends (tho I wish I could hang out with her as much as I do her bf). We sang karaoke and danced and it was just awesome. Of course I paid for that on Saturday. :-( UGH!! But I did finish up my own personal shopping for Christmas!! Yay!!! So now I just have to go and finish up shopping for my dad since he can't really get out and do it himself. And sorry everyone.. its gonna be a gift card kinda Christmas!!  I can't wait to give my parents their gifts!!! I know they will love it and be in shock over it!!!! But they deserve it!!!  Last night I ended up kid free and I went to bed at 10pm!!!  (yea i felt old!! haha)
I didn't get up till 11 this morning!!!! WTH!! So I ended up missing church :-( which really disappointed me... but the Lord is so good... He still spoke with me this morning!! And I am so thankful that I heard him!! This past week has been hell.  And I had seriously started doubting that God has someone out there for me...just in the midst of me being down... I felt very alone.. and started doubting.. Part of me now still wonders if I ever will find someone... but my faith is stronger than it was last week... I know that even if I am to remain single forever.. that HE is here with me... He is all I need. I dont need a man to help with eveyrthing...I have the Lord and His strength.. HE will get me thru every storm!!!
Alright.. I am going to go take my dog for a walk! In the freezing temps! lol.

Have a great Sunday!!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Thursday, December 15, 2011

week from Hell

Ugh. This has seriously been a week from hell. If something could go wrong, it did.

Right now I feel like I am in a whirlwind and I can’t get out. I have no control over anything.  I feel so scatterbrained anymore. I can’t remember to do simple day to day stuff that I always do.   I feel like a bouncy ball just thrown carelessly into a room and left there.  Ugh.

I feel like I have so much to do and I just don’t even really know where to start!!  So I made a list of what I need to do. And I will start on that.. keep adding to it and make sure things get done.  I have to get out of this funk that I am feeling myself in. 

I am having issues with my son. He’s not applying himself in school. Wants to be “the class clown” and isn’t paying attention to his studies and is now almost failing. I am planning on emailing the teachers and see what they have to say and go from there. UGH.  I hate this. I feel like I am failing as a parent. 

And the whole “dating” thing.. is getting on my nerves.  Sorry guys…but ya’ll are crazy!!  I am sure its people in general..but really??  Its online dating… Not life.  If I don’t reply back..its not the end of the world.  Im not interested. Don’t keep messaging me. Don’t come at me like OH GUESS YOU AINT INTERESTED.. GUESS YOU DIDN’T LIKE ME.  especially if you haven’t contacted me in over a week!  WTH!! I am not going to persue you.  You don’t like me. Fine. I can accept that and move on!! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Friday, December 9, 2011

Realization Friday!

I am finally on time for once!!!

Its Friday Ya’ll!!!

Planning on getting the tree up this weekend and decorating the house! J  Going to a play with a friend tonight and a friend of hers church.  Sunday I am def. going to church. Its been too long!! 

Anywho, with out further prolonging this…

This week I have come to realize:

~ that I really suck at remember thoughts.  I will have a really great blog written in my head… and by the time I sit down to type it up… its gone.

~  life never really seems to go the way you think it should or want it to.

~  that some guys are really needy. Wow.

~   that I really need to get on this whole Christmas shopping thing… I kinda suck this year!!!

~  that anymore I am having a hard time connecting and having feelings towards someone…

~  that it is really hard to take the wall down.

~  that I don’t know what I would do with out my best friend!!!

~ The Lord is so good to me. He has helped me so much lately so differently than I ever would. 

~ That with out the Lord…. I would be nothing.

Have a great weekend!!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

different perspective

I have started the whole online dating thing… I have been on a few dates.. and have met some amazing men.   My perspective of them is definitely different than it would have been a year or two ago.  

I have always settled for great guys… but guys that in the long run really didn’t have the same standards or ideas as myself.

And the biggest thing… I have never dated a Christian.  I have dated men who say they are a Christain.. but never go to church..  don’t have strong faith… don’t read the bible.. don’t pray consistently…   And honestly, that is the biggest thing in my life. I want someone that is THAT!

I don’t want someone that says they will go to church with me… that they will pray with me. I kinda want someone that is already established in his faith… at least to some degree. 

A year or two ago.. meeting someone and going into a relationship was more about emotions to me. I am a very emotional person. So when I started to feel something towards someone- that was it… I was all in – red flags and all. I was in.  Now… eh. Lol.
Its hard for me to form strong emotional bonds with someone.. especially if I see any flags what so ever.  Its kinda eerie looking at life this way. Its great, don’t get me wrong. But its just so odd for me to see a “relationship” with someone and not feel all the butterflies and the tingles that normally would go along with it. 

Now, I am not rushing anything. I am taking the time to get to k now someone. Not just oooohh.. you make me feel loved.. lets get married. Cuz that is how I have always lived my life… and where has it left me??!! SINGLE.  So this time around… I am thinking with my head and not my heart so much… don’t get me wrong, my heart will be involved… but it will be a second factor in the process… not the first.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Monday, December 5, 2011

Realization Friday- forgot to hit post!!

Its been awhile for me to post… and even longer since I have done a realization Friday post.. I kinda miss them!!! L 

I promise I will try and get a little bit better with my posting.
Just seems life has been slightly crazy the last few weeks. I have a to do list a mile long.. I am always running from here to there for something.. and I have started to date. So it all makes life very interesting! J

Anywho… here’s the realizations for the week:

This week I have come to realize:

~  that when you don’t want something to happen… that’s when it normally does. And vice versa

~  that I amaze myself sometimes. I can’t cook for nothing.. but I made the best Thanksgiving dinner ever according to my family. J

~   that I don’t mind making a fool of myself.

~   that I must point out something embarrassing about myself before anyone notices it!

~  that I sweat super bad when I am nervous. Ugh. I hate that

~  life never seems to go the way you want it to

~  sometimes a vacation is just what you need.

~   that you have to put the effort into your happiness.. depending on someone else for it will only end up leaving you sad and disappointed.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama