Sunday, September 30, 2012


Today I woke up feeling empty. Alone. 
I want to stay in bed. 
I want to sleep the day away.
but I get up and get moving anyway. 
Get the kids some pancakes, remind them that we have church in a hour and half. 
Then I sit down for some "God Time"... and I realize this is something I normally don't do on Sunday's. I go to church on Sunday's. That's my God time.  
Apparently God has another idea on that! lol. So here I am on my computer... listening to beautiful worship music... reading devotionals.. and now blogging.  again not really with anything in particular that I want to say.

I had a jewelry party last night. I also has one of my close friends bring purses that she sells so that I could help her out with that.. and also maybe get me a free purse.  The party was good.. tho I was hoping for it to go better. But I can't complain over all.. tho I am stuck on the negative part of it... I didn't do as good as I had at other parties. :-(  But it is what it is. 

That issues that I had this past week.. that is weighing heavy on heart is still there.  I am still paranoid about it... waiting for the next big huge thing to happen.  Every knock on the door... every car that drives past... I sit expecting something.  I still don't want to go into details. But I hate not knowing what to expect. I know God is with me thru all of this. I know he's right here holding my hand and I hate that I still worry... How do I not worry?? How do I completely just let it all go??  I have moments where I do.. moments where I feel that burden lifted off my shoulders.. but then other times.. I feel so heavy with it,  just want to sleep.  

Wednesday as I was leaving my single parents workshop at church I felt so alone.  I just wanted someone to hold me. Just be there waiting for me when I got home. I prayed all the way to the car... prayed when I got in the car.. turned the worship music on and I started to feel better... I didnt feel so alone... I felt God right there with me. Telling me he loves me. He is here. He also spoke to my heart about a few other things which I have since done.  It was amazing feeling him there... Hearing him speak to me.  

Even with this being a horrible stressful week... I have felt God right here. Felt his love and his grace right here in my life... things I read- books, facebook, blogs... because of the week I had, it hits home for me.. I have broken down and cried more this week over something I read or something I watched, than I had in a long time. God is amazing. 

He whispered this passage to me this morning as I was looking up something else: 
Colossians 2:4 I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by find sounding arguments. 

He is with me. He is guiding me. He loves me

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

asking too much

My friend and I were having a conversation today about dating, and it made me start to think about things... 
Like when my mom and dad started dating. She was 15 he was 19. They lived an hour apart from each other.  Back then there was no cell phones, no texting, no facebook, email, etc. The only way to communicate was via the telephone or snail mail or actually see each other in person.  But they found a way... and made it work and eventually got married. 

That makes me wonder about today. 
She asked me if I thought we were asking too much from a guy.   Wanting him to text good morning, good night, through out the day to say they are thinking of us etc.  

I told her no.  I don't think that is asking too much.  We have the technology now adays to do that!!!   Why can't we expect a man that we like to show us that he likes us?   Especially if this man did it early on in the relationship.  
Now, I am not saying that the guy always has to text first, or always has to say good morning or good night... but when it happens repeatedly that he "forgets" or is "busy" that makes me wonder if I am really on his mind as much as he says I am.  

I told my friends this: 
That I am not lowering my standards. 
I am tired of making excuses for guys and why they do what they do. 
Tired of finding reasons for them. 
That if a guy isn't who I need him to be... then we obviously are not meant to be. 

and honestly I would hope the same in return. If I don't fulfill his needs and desires than he shouldn't be with me either.  Period. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Friday at Friday's

I am not even sure what to write about.. but just had the urge to write.  

The sad thing is... a lot of the things I would love to write about... would love to get out of my brain and into actual viewable words so I can read and re-read and realize how crazy I can be with a lot of my thinking... but I feel I can't because I dont want the persons that I am having theses thoughts about to read it and take it all the wrong way.  Friends, Family, anyone. 

So a lot of things I will keep to myself... and its not that I have horrible things to say... just venting.. but I guess thats what my BFF's are for! lol. 

Last night I met up with a few girls that I was friends with from highschool... first time we have all been together since we have graduated... 12yrs ago!!!  

Getting together with them was amazing... but listening to their stories together made me realize how much I had missed out from highschool. I had dated my son's father since my freshman year in high school and honestly I was stuck on him... I don't make friends very easily and it was even harder for me back in high school when I was lacking self confidence to an even bigger degree than I am today.  So having my BF their just made it easy to always have someone to talk to... so I became friends with his friends... only chatting with my friends here and there in classes.. never hanging out with them outside of school... honestly till my senior year... mainly because I didnt have him there... so I had no choice.  (just a little inside note- i went to a different school disctrict for high school than all of my friends from elementary and junior high.. so I went in knowing almost nobody!)  
I am wondering if I had the choice would I go back and not clung to the boyfriend as much and made some special relationships with these girls... but then also.. listening to these stories.. even tho they were so much fun at the time... I wonder, if I were a part of them... where would my life be now?!  Their tales of drinking and smoking... things I didnt do till my senior year.  Would I be at this place in life... or would my life had gone down a different darker path if those "good" times were weaved in to my life?  

I guess the Lord knew what he was doing.   

And even tho I wasn't a part of all of those stories... I was still apart of a few... and did make some friends along the way... friends who I may not speak to daily or even monthly... friends that have gone down different paths... have different ideas... and ended up at different places in this life... I know we can come together for a night and be transferred back to the happy, giggly, free spirited girls we were back in high school... where at the time the biggest worries we had were the math test on monday... if the hot waiter liked us... who had the better glitter make up... things that we look back on now and think wow-I wish those were the only things I needed to worry...  transferred back to laughing like crazy till our cheeks hurt... back to where we could be goofy with out embarrassing our kids... transferred back to "the good time" .  The memories that I have I will always cherish as I will all of these girls!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


I had a date Saturday. It was amazing. We met halfway between us at Columbus zoo.  Had a great time. It was very comfortable. Like we had known each other forever even tho this was our first date.
But then... after it was over and on my way home.. and Sunday... I just kept thinking of anything negative What if he really doesn't like me?  What if it was all just a show? Why am I not good enough? Whats wrong with me? No decent guy would want me with all my issues so he will end up ending anything soon enough.   He didnt absolutely nothing the entire time we were together or even afterwards to make me think like this... but the devil was persistant. Kept whispering in my ear and making my heart heavy.  Till Sunday, I was just sitting here crying.  The other issues happened with family and a friend... and it just made my heart that much more heavy.  I couldn't shake it. Again I kept thinking what is wrong with me??  I am worthless. That kept repeating in my ears. I am worthless. I am worthless. I am worthless.  Deep down I know I AM NOT WORTHLESS!!! I am a Child of God!!!!  To HIM the one and only one that matters... I am worth everything. I am worth Jesus dying on the cross for MY sins!!!!  I am worthy!!! I am worthy!!!

I want to say that I feel all better and am not having any negative thoughts... but sadly I am still feeling a little heavy hearted.  but I am determined to NOT let the devil have the upper hand.  I trust in my Lord. I know he will carry me thru these feelings because He loves me. He knows I am worthy!!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama