Getting Stale

At what point in a relationship should the wooing, and lovey dovey, romantic stuff and the compliments not be needed anymore?!

Why do these stop at all?

I have been dating a great guy for about 2 months now... and already I feel things changing. Its like that "wooing" stage of our relationship is over... theres no more impromptu back rubs, there no more middle of the day "i really love you" "you are the best thing thats happened to me" messages, theres just more distance... His friends get chosen over spending time with me... Id rather have a good book then wonder whats wrong... We dont live together. We do see each other almost everyday.. but later and later in the evenings... Things are changing... we are more comfortable in the whole relationship... or are we?

When are things supposed to start to change? At what point in the relationship? A month? 2 months? a year? engagement? marriage?

past issues

i have come to realize over this past weekend quite a few different things... One of the main things that I really learned... is that I am still dealing with a lot of anger, hurt, pain, distrust, sadness... plainly stating.. I HAVE A LOT OF ISSUES left over from a previous relationship. I thought I was thru most of them.. I thought that the negativity and the issues were over and done with.... but now that I am in a NEW relationship with a great guy... I realize... Im not.... and I am lucky that he is a GREAT guy and that I can talk to him about how I feel... and I think he understands. This past week was bad week for me. A few things went bad so that added stress on top of things that were already stressful. And my son started school and for somereason ... Him starting school always brings me down some. :-( On Friday, I got news that my ex was talking junk about me... that really messed with my mind... Its not that I want to be with him or anything like that... but I worked my butt off in that relationship only to be treated like crap. I beg him to see his daughter, to contact her, something.... and he hasn't... and to find out that he's going around saying that I WONT let him see her... is like a kick in the chest... It really hurts... And it shouldn't because I was expecting that. I knew he would talk crap. I knew he would tell anyone else that I wouldn't let him see his daughter for whatever reason.. cuz he told me the same things about his baby mama's when I first met it... I guess I was hoping that I would be different... but I wasn't... lol. So I already had a heavy heart... and that on top of it..brought me down even more... the devil was winning that battle... And my boyfriend did a couple things, that my ex had done... I am not going into details about what it was.. but overall it wasn't a huge thing... but it was enuf that it made me sad and made me get down... and it brought back all of those memories from when me and my ex were together and how I felt... and I took it out on my boyfriend. I got upset with him over what he did way more than I should have.. I was lashing out at him for a past hurt that I still have lingering in my heart... But the great thing about him.. he sat down and talked with me... and I could open up to him about how I feel.. This whole past weekend made me realize about how I still hurt... and how I am basing my boyfriend on my past hurts... its hard not to do that. How do you get over past hurt? How do you move on completely? How do you not base a current relationship on past ones? My one friend suggested that I sit down and write a letter to my ex... about how I feel, how i hurt, how much anger I have...everything... and then burn it... and it will help... I need to do that. Maybe that will help.

past issues

I have come to realize over this past weekend quite a few different things... One of the main things that I really learned... is that I am still dealing with a lot of anger, hurt, pain, distrust, sadness... plainly stating.. I HAVE A LOT OF ISSUES left over from a previous relationship.

I thought I was thru most of them.. I thought that the negativity and the issues were over and done with.... but now that I am in a NEW relationship with a great guy... I realize... Im not.... and I am lucky that he is a GREAT guy and that I can talk to him about how I feel... and I think he understands.

This past week was bad week for me. A few things went bad so that added stress on top of things that were already stressful. And my son started school and for somereason ... Him starting school always brings me down some. :-( On Friday, I got news that my ex was talking junk about me... that really messed with my mind... Its not that I want to be with him or anything like that... but I worked my butt off in that relationship only to be treated like crap. I beg him to see his daughter, to contact her, something.... and he hasn't... and to find out that he's going around saying that I WONT let him see her... is like a kick in the chest... It really hurts... And it shouldn't because I was expecting that. I knew he would talk crap. I knew he would tell anyone else that I wouldn't let him see his daughter for whatever reason.. cuz he told me the same things about his baby mama's when I first met it... I guess I was hoping that I would be different... but I wasn't... lol.
So I already had a heavy heart... and that on top of it..brought me down even more... the devil was winning that battle... And my boyfriend did a couple things, that my ex had done... I am not going into details about what it was.. but overall it wasn't a huge thing... but it was enuf that it made me sad and made me get down... and it brought back all of those memories from when me and my ex were together and how I felt... and I took it out on my boyfriend. I got upset with him over what he did way more than I should have.. I was lashing out at him for a past hurt that I still have lingering in my heart... But the great thing about him.. he sat down and talked with me... and I could open up to him about how I feel..
This whole past weekend made me realize about how I still hurt... and how I am basing my boyfriend on my past hurts... its hard not to do that.
How do you get over past hurt? How do you move on completely? How do you not base a current relationship on past ones?
My one friend suggested that I sit down and write a letter to my ex... about how I feel, how i hurt, how much anger I have...everything... and then burn it... and it will help... I need to do that. Maybe that will help.

Friends...

I sit here and think about all of my friends... everyone in my life time that I have befriended... and its amazing how some of these people have managed to stay in my life and me in theirs... and others we have drifted apart and then have reconnected via facebook or myspace or where ever...
I have one friend... that I met when I was 15... We were boyfriend and girlfriend for exactly a month and in that time I think we maybe seen each other once?! twice?! The amazing thing is... even after 13 years... we have still managed to stay in contact and remain friends thru everything. Psycho girlfriends, over bearing boyfriends, protective parents, time and miles that grew more and more each days... We have always manage to find each other and stay connected.
Then I have one friend that I have know since I was 1 1/2 and she was born... We grew up across the street from each other and were the bestest of friends.. We did everything together... but over time we went our separate ways. Then because it is truly a small world.. we connected again thru another friend and we became friends again. But not like we were. We see each other once in a while, talk on the phone once in awhile... but we both have families now... we both have our own busy lives and its not always easy to stay as close as we once were...
Then their are of course the school friends... The people that you talked to in your classes at school, or at least you knew in school.. Not exactly people you want to be friends with or really hang out with.. but you know who they are... then all of a sudden one day you see them on facebook or myspace and they have sent you a friend request or you send them one... you never talk to the person.. but just want to know if your life is better than theirs... if they ended up staying the same or changing... you just are nosy... or you just want to look popular and have all these "friends" to make yourself better...

What constitutes a good friend... We were talking about this in Church/Bible Study yesterday...
Is it someone who always is there for you thru anything.. even if its wrong??
Is it someone who will tell you that what you are doing is wrong and cant be apart of it??
Is it someone who will get drunk with you and have those good times?? but when the times get tough.. they seem to disappear?
Is it someone who is willing to sacrifice time, energy, money to help you, be there for you???
Is it someone who is only there with THEY need something... when THEY have a problem and need YOUR help?
Is it someone one who when you try and talk to them about a problem in your life... it always gets turned around to whats wrong in theirs and how you can help them?
Is it someone who just loves you for you?
Is it someone who even after months or years of not talking/seeing/communicating you still consider them a good friend and would do anything to help them?
Is is someone that even after any amount of time will call you/email you out of the blue, just to see how you are doing?

What exactly is a good friend to you??

I have friends that meet all of these things... Some meet one or two.. Some meet most of these... Some are good friends that I know no matter what, no matter the situations.. they will be there.. they wont be too tired.. in a bad mood.. too busy to help me... they will be there.
Some are good friends, some are sometimes Friends and some are best friends... Some I know no matter what... we will never NOT be friends.

Friends...

I sit here and think about all of my friends... everyone in my life time that I have befriended... and its amazing how some of these people have managed to stay in my life and me in theirs... and others we have drifted apart and then have reconnected via facebook or myspace or where ever...
I have one friend... that I met when I was 15... We were boyfriend and girlfriend for exactly a month and in that time I think we maybe seen each other once?! twice?! The amazing thing is... even after 13 years... we have still managed to stay in contact and remain friends thru everything. Psycho girlfriends, over bearing boyfriends, protective parents, time and miles that grew more and more each days... We have always manage to find each other and stay connected.
Then I have one friend that I have know since I was 1 1/2 and she was born... We grew up across the street from each other and were the bestest of friends.. We did everything together... but over time we went our separate ways. Then because it is truly a small world.. we connected again thru another friend and we became friends again. But not like we were. We see each other once in a while, talk on the phone once in awhile... but we both have families now... we both have our own busy lives and its not always easy to stay as close as we once were...
Then their are of course the school friends... The people that you talked to in your classes at school, or at least you knew in school.. Not exactly people you want to be friends with or really hang out with.. but you know who they are... then all of a sudden one day you see them on facebook or myspace and they have sent you a friend request or you send them one... you never talk to the person.. but just want to know if your life is better than theirs... if they ended up staying the same or changing... you just are nosy... or you just want to look popular and have all these "friends" to make yourself better...

What constitutes a good friend... We were talking about this in Church/Bible Study yesterday...
Is it someone who always is there for you thru anything.. even if its wrong??
Is it someone who will tell you that what you are doing is wrong and cant be apart of it??
Is it someone who will get drunk with you and have those good times?? but when the times get tough.. they seem to disappear?
Is it someone who is willing to sacrifice time, energy, money to help you, be there for you???
Is it someone who is only there with THEY need something... when THEY have a problem and need YOUR help?
Is it someone one who when you try and talk to them about a problem in your life... it always gets turned around to whats wrong in theirs and how you can help them?
Is it someone who just loves you for you?
Is it someone who even after months or years of not talking/seeing/communicating you still consider them a good friend and would do anything to help them?
Is is someone that even after any amount of time will call you/email you out of the blue, just to see how you are doing?

What exactly is a good friend to you??

I have friends that meet all of these things... Some meet one or two.. Some meet most of these... Some are good friends that I know no matter what, no matter the situations.. they will be there.. they wont be too tired.. in a bad mood.. too busy to help me... they will be there.
Some are good friends, some are sometimes Friends and some are best friends... Some I know no matter what... we will never NOT be friends.

the silly games

I hate the silly games that we play when we are in a relationship...
Like waiting for the other person to make the first move... kissing, hugging, holding hands, calling or even texting...
This is a stupid game that I do with my boyfriend all the time... mainly with the texting/calling part.
He could go an entire day with out talking to me in some fashion... Ive talked to him about this... and He says that he thinks about me all day long.. but just doesnt ever think to call or to text... So then... I stop texting him thru out the day. Why should I make the effort if he doesnt even think its worth it to do that for me...
So I asked him... please thru out the day at some point when you think of me... just send me a text saying hey.. im thinking of you.. whatever... 5mins later when he went into another room...I get a text saying :hey im thinking of u. ggrrr.. yea its funny but also annoyting that its a joke to him.
I just want to know that he is thinking of me once in a while.. to have that reassurance that I cross his mind from time to time... i am not asking for an entire convo.. I am not asking for him to psyco text me.. just once in awhile..something to make me feel special, wanted, and cared about. Is that really too much to ask?
So now after I have talked to him how I feel... I refuse to text him or to call him... and wait.. and see if he will text me or call me first. I am stubborn...

This

Ggggrrr...
I think of so many different things thru out my days to blog about... then I actually sit down and start to type... and NOTHING. Very frustrating...

I have so many random thoughts that go thru my head on a daily basis... its exhausting. Plus along with many of those random thoughts are all kinds of emotions... anger, sadness, lonliness etc... Then I have so many people in my life that effect my emotions... my kids, my family, my boyfriend, my kids fathers... that especially here recently I am drained most of the time...
I am a very emotional person... I cryed watching BOLT the other day... now I am talking about all out bawling my eyes out.. but I did have tears come to my eyes... I am not ashamed of it either. I wear my heart on my sleeve.. Its out there for all to see... and all to hurt.
And because of all the thoughts and all the emotions that I have been going thru... I have been physically exhausted almost all the time. I will get spurts of energy once in a while.. but there are more days than not that I don't even want to get out of bed... at all... And because of this, I have missed church more frequently than I'd like to even admit. And I hate myself for it. Church should be a priority for me. More so than my job... But somehow I let my emotions control my living. Another thing that held me back from going to church is my anxiety issues... Going alone ( i did get over that for the most part... but it snuck back in on me) and then also becoming a member of the church, and having to leave my "little shell" and go out and talk to the other people in the church, greet them, be social, be friendly... Not that any of these things are horrible... and honestly I can be a social person and am extremely friendly... but for some reason the idea of walking around greeting people seemed over whelming to me, and the more I thought about that, the more anxious I became, the more tired I became, and the more solitare I became, to the point where I haven't gone... and then because I haven't gone.. I am anxious about going back and having to face everything... and the questions ~where have you been? ~ are you ok? ~ was somethng wrong? etc.. And I know everyone means well... but I am not a "in person" person. I do great in emails, text, anything virtual. But phone convos, and convos in person, make me very anxious. And I havent always been this way, but in the last couple years I have become a hermit in a way.. and dont hardly talk on the phone or to strangers in person. So I let the anxiety over whelm me. But I know I need to work on that and get this under control.

I feel so strongly right now that I need a change... but I am not sure what or how.. I feel I need a new job because I am not really sure where this one is going in the upcoming months... I feel I need a new house cuz mine is so small... I feel I need to move out of my city so I can get a little farther away from my "9 block radius life) and also to get away from so many memories and people here that hurt my heart from time to time... I feel i need to redo my house, reorgainize, need a new hair style... something... I need to change something small in my life to help me feel like I have a little bit of control in it... When in reality it is the Lord that has the control not me.

I need to pray on this... all of this.

Backing away

I know already one of my flaws in a relationship is my backing away mentally from the person.
I have done it continuously in my past relationships. It is a defense mechinism so I won't get hurt or at least hurt to the extent that I have in my past. Reasons for me backing away very from man to man... but mainly if I feel like he's being distant, is not happy for the moment, is starting to act different or anything like that changes... I will start to back away... especially if I have asked him what is wrong.. and the answer I get~ NOTHING.
I am not as lovey dovey as I once was, I am not as quick to give as I once was, I try not to think of that person as often as I once did, I try not to show effection as I once did nor show that I am thinking of them or that I want to see them as I once did.
Most of the time this is short lived.. and if it does go on for more than a day- the relationship needs to be reevaluated and I need to make sure that this is something I want to be in and HE is someone that I want to be with. But most of the time its a day and then he does something sweet or romantic and I fall back in love with him all over again.
Its a vicious cycle that I play in my head, but I do it because of my past hurt and when I have felt like I have given my everything.. thats when I get hurt the worst.

The Calm

I had the most... hhmm.. what exactly is the right word for what I felt yesterday... it wasn't so much odd... it was a little calming... well let me say what i felt and you can determine the correct word for it..

Yesterday my boyfriend and I were on our way home from my moms bday dinner... he was driving and i was doing my usual over thinking in the passenger seat! :-) And I had a thought...

I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Everything in my life up to now.. had brought me to right here. I am not really sure how to describe that feeling... I guess it was a peace...

And I know that even if it doesn't work out with me and my boyfriend.. or things go downhill in my life..or if things get better and better... it will be OK... That I am going thru everything with a purpose from God. To teach me, to show me, to strengthen me, or to help me help someone else...

I can see in my life... that everything that I have been thru has been with a purpose from God... That everyone that he has brought into my life... had a purpose. Every relationship, every heartbreak, every struggle, every success all from God.
It was like last night.. it all just click... God put me here.. its Gods life, not mine.
Now don't get me wrong.. I am still going to worry, get sad, get excited, get upset,mad, angry, happy, glad.. etc.. i will always still have the emotions of a normal human being... but I will also have the security and the Faith to know that my Lord Father is right next to me... holding my hand every step of the way.