Monday, July 27, 2009

Sacrifices. How much is too much?

Before I got into a new relationship.. I told my self what i wanted and what i didnt want.
a guy with a job, car, phone, own place, secure, not jealous or over bearing, a sweet heart, a Christian, has to like kids, a family man
Didnt want:
A guy to take advantage of me, with 50 kids with 50 diff women that he NEVER seen, a man who wouldnt be able to do things for me, a man would expected me to do everything for him, a man that smoked, drinked more than socially, did drugs, was undependable...

What happens tho if when you meet a man that has everything that you want but also the things you dont. What happens if you have deep feeling for this person but find out they had more of the things you dont want. Do you stay with him becuase he does have those good points? or Do you say good bye?

How much are you willing to sacrifce for your own happiness? And can you truely be happy with someone that had any of the things that you do not want in your relationship? Where is the line drawn? When do you get to the point where you have to stand your ground and just say... i dont want this or that in my relationship so I can not be with you even tho you are perfect in every way...
Or can you over look the small things or not so small things because of all of the other good things that you do have in the relationsip? Just focus on the good and not dwell on the negative?

best friend

Friends for life
Thats what we said
Neither really thinking
of what was ahead

As the years go by
the closer we became
our problems we shared
our thoughts the same

A love growing stronger
more and more each day
being there for each other
in every single way

then one day it clicked
best friends for so long
just like a fairy tale
like the lyrics of a song

a love so pure
trust so strong
a long time coming
it couldnt be wrong

you are my bestfriend forever
by your side i want to be
and to my heart
i give you the key

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Im the odd ball

I have come to realize... that I think differently than most of my friends.

I have always been (or id like to think) an open minded person. I am down to earth and I try to take pleasure in every situation... even the most difficult.

In just the last year or so tho... my thoughts have changed some... I can see good in even the most depressing situation. I can see God working. I can look back at my life and see how the Lord has walked with me though the hardest times. How he's brought me into peoples life for a reason... or why he has brought them into mine.

I am so thankful for even the long sleepless nights of my dark depression... because it has made me stronger. I thank him for the jerks in my life because they have made me realize a great guy that I have now. My past has made me stronger, more loyal, more understanding, more loving, a better woman, mother, friend, girlfriend and hopefully one day a better wife . Most people resent their past or at least the downfalls of their past. I am grateful for mine... the downfalls in my life weakened me... and made me open for Jesus to come in and make me stronger. With out the downs in my life... I wouldn't be saved.

Getting Over

I was talking to my ex yesterday. He came over to see my daughter...

And I realized... I am so happy. I am really starting to get over him...

And I know I thought that last year when I was dating another guy.. but my bf now is awesome. Its more than just the butterfly feelings that I always used to get... its love.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


More and more every single day... the Lord amazes me!

I just read my pastor's blog, and I swear its like he's talking right to me.

I try with every situation in my life... it step back and see what the Lord is trying to teach me, to show, or where He is directing me. I am getting better with being able to understand what is being shown.

I know that everything in life has a purpose and is to teach us all something... sadly, even with me, I don't alway realize what the lesson is or even that there is a lesson.

Monday, July 6, 2009

long love

I think its amazing. I have realized a love for my bestfriend (male) that I never realized I have had just here recently.

And I also think its amazing... that I have known this man for 2yrs now... that its take 2 years for me to realize this deep love for him... and that I have realized I dont really know him all that well.

I have known him for 2 years, yet its only been in the last 6 months that I have really gotten close with him and seen him in a different light.
Everyone keeps asking me what happened? Why did it take so long? How could your feelings changes just over night? And honestly I dont know. It wasnt anything that I had planned. It wasnt anything that I ever really thought was going to happen... It was just one night us sitting there watching a movie, like we have done so many other times... and click... those butterflys start swirling around.

But now, because I have grown a love for him over the last 2years, the love that I feel for him is so much stronger and deeper than it would be for someone I just started dating. And it scares me, because I don't know him in a lot of way... and because of my past and my insecurites, I end up doubting "us" .
I am scared that he will cheat on me, that he will lie to me, that he will screw me over... because that is what I am used to, that is what I have gotten from all the men in my past (with the exception to one)... But really that isnt fair to the new guy, to judge him on MY past. I need to let him and his actions control my fears and not my past.
The one good thing, is that because he does know my past, and I know a little bit of his... we hopefully can work thru each others securites and make "us" stronger in the long run for it.