Friday, October 5, 2012

Realization Friday

It has been way way way too long since I last had done one of these posts!!! wow. 

anywho... here we go! 

This week I have come to realize:

~ that this past year has seriously sucks.. so many things went wrong, downhill and/or left me heart broken

~ that its satan trying to pull me away from God

~ I can't believe that its been almost a whole year since my step-mom passed away!! 

~ that I say Yay, Awesome and over use exclamation marks when texting, emailing, or just typing in general!! lol. 

~ that I tend to go crazy with the whole online requesting items to be put on hold for me at the library! 

~ that I hate having to do things alone. :-( 

~ that I am happy to be doing these again!! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 


My heart continues to break
for a love I do not know
feeling so desperate and lonely
but trying so hard to not let it show

Happy couples all around me
feel like they throw their love in my face
hugging, kissing, holding hands
my heart breaks more with every embrace

So I stand here all alone
faithfully waiting on God's plan
He opens my eyes so clearly though
I am worthy and loved with out needing a man

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

day by day

The other night at church STEPS classes, I was asked what are my goals.  
I had no answer. Right now I don't know what my goals are.  I pretty much go day by day. 

I was asked 5yrs ago, what my 5year goals were.  I told the person that in 5years I wanted to be married, possibly having another child or two, to go back to school and hopefully only having to work part time.  NONE of that is happening right now.  
True- I did go to school for a year.. but I am not now.  I just am. 

Right now, I am seriously living day by day. No goals for the future. No plans. just living. 
I want to say in 5years, Ill have all the goals accomplished that I had 5 years ago... but honestly I really don't know.  

I feel like this past year, I am trying to just survive.  Survive day by day.  
I have been fighting a deep depression this year... since about April/May somewhere in there. 
I have always dealt with depression, since I was about 15. This year though, it seems even stronger... even harder to fight against.  I tried anti-depressants for a few months and honestly, they made me so exhausted all the time. I had no energy to do anything.  So right now I am just kinda wondering which would be better... exhausted but not wanting to cry all the time... or wanting to cry all the time but more energy to do most of what needs done?!  UGH!! 

My only solaces are MY LORD, know He is with me. He is getting me through everything. And, that hopefully tomorrow will be better.  After a good nights sleep, my mood will be better tomorrow. Sometimes it is, sometimes its not.  But then there's always the hope for tomorrow. :-) 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama