Dear YOU: Day 2

Day 2- Letter to your Crush

Dear Brian.

It’s only been 8 months since we first met. We have had our ups and down.. and I am sure we will have our fair share more… but we’ve made it through.  And that is what matters. I still consider you my crush even though you are my boyfriend. You are the only man I have eyes forJ.  You have shown me a love that no other man has ever even come close to.  You make my heart skip a beat and take my breath away when I am around you- literally lol. J  I love you more than I have loved any other man, it scares me at times. It scares to me love someone this much… meaning I am opening myself up for hurt… but if I am not open than how can I love fully?  When you look in my eyes, my heart feels so full, I feel whole.  You have made me feel things I have never thought possible.  The time we have spent “living” together over the summer really was wonderful. I felt like we grew so much closer together. It was nice coming home to someone’s arms after a long hard day at work. To have someone help me with the house, the kids, and with life. Its hard not having that anymore and not having you here by my side daily. But I look forward to the weekends and the time that we do get to share.  I never realized how hard being away from someone you love is until now.    I cherish the talks that we have and the intimate moments we share together.  You were an answer to a prayer, exactly what I needed. I am so glad that we met.. I know we were meant to. I am even more glad that I have you in my life. I can’t wait to see what the future brings for us.

I love you baby.

~Sarah 

My Goal/Plan/Life

I realized that walking down the path of life… I have strayed many many times off the correct, direct path that the Lord has set out for me…  Amazing I have always found my way back. I think because my heart has never fully left the Lord.   

I have set up a new plan of action or goals or whatever you want to call it, to help me stay on the right path.

I struggle day to day with depression and over whelming tiredness. Some days are great.. I feel on top of the world.. others, well its more like I am dragging to keep going.  

Flat out. I am tried of it.  I am tired of being tired!! Period.

So I am going to try and make myself better.

I have started taking vitamins. A multi-vitamin every night before bed and then 1-2 B12’s thru out the day as I feel are needed.  

I have started getting up a tad bit earlier and doing Christian based Yoga.  Which I am having a hard time on finding videos for that…  So in the mean time I think I am going to try and make my own routine to do each morning.  A mixture of Yoga poses, meditation, and prayer. I am also going to be memorizing one scripture a week.   When I am having a bad day, feeling down, or whatnot- I am going to focus on that scripture and meditate on it.  I am re-aligning my focus on God.  And I am also going to try and take better care of my teeth. I noticed last week a build up of plaque on my lower teeth. And one thing I hate is jacked up teeth. So, I have been brushing every morning like I always have, but also adding in before bed and at least once during the day. Also, I am flossing… something I have never really done before.  

So I am hoping with these few things…I will be happier, healthier, and have more energy thru out the day!  

Wish me luck!

God Bless~

Overthinking Mama

Monday... again??!! ugh

Well somehow it became Monday again.  

I really didn’t want to come to work today.. and once getting there.. I realized why. Issues with customers/shipments, coworkers sick/leaving. OYE. I just want to go home and go to bed.  

Yesterday we ended up sleeping till 2pm!! How the hex does that happen? For once the kids actually let us sleep… but till 2!!!  I woke up and almost jumped out of bed. I’ve never slept that long unless I knowingly did so!!  And even last night I crashed. I felt like crap.. so I guess that was part of it.. My body trying get rid of whatever it is that is making me feel all icky… and probably life is catching up with me… 6hrs of sleep a night… work. School. Mommy. Life.  Fun Fun.

I am really still not feeling all that great… I have been debating all day about not going to my English class tonite. I hate to miss, but I need a night to relax. Maybe get a movie and watch it with the kiddos. I know they will like that. They miss me so much when I am at school.   I have an paper due tonite thou.. but I might be able to email it to the teacher with everything that I need.. I dunno.  That choice is still up in the air. 

One thing I have to promise myself tho… if I skip class tonite, I must relax. Period. 

Dear Lil Man 9/24/10

Dear My Lil Man,                                                 9/24/10

Well I went onto your Teacher’s website today to see if there was anything new.. He had put on there that 13 kids got in trouble. I automatically assumed it was you. I am sorry. I am glad I called you first to see before I emailed him regarding.  I just know sometimes you can get easily distracted. 

Last week you got into a “fight” with an older kid at school. He tripped you, you tackled him. You got a detention for it. You were so worried when you came home though if you were going to get in trouble for it. I didn’t answer you about it, because honestly I didn’t know what to say. One hand I didn’t want to punish you. You stood up for yourself, and I was proud of you for that. On the other hand, I didn’t want you to think it was ok to go and get into fights.  So I just let it be.

I love you so much Lil Man. You were my first born. You will always be my baby no matter how old you get.

You seem to have so much anger in you. Towards what I don’t know, but it scares me sometimes. You need an outlet for your anger and I don’t know how to help you with that. I know I’ve been told I am too hard on you and also that I need to be harder on you. I don’t know.  It seems like the only time we really get to spend together all I am doing is yelling at you. I mentioned that to you this morning and you said. Well don’t yell at me. I don’t yell at you cuz I like it or I want to. I do it so you will learn. I don’t want you to become a “bad” kid.  I don’t want the kid that is always in trouble and ends up in jail someday. You are better than that!!

I know you hate me because I make you go over to your dads, but someday you will thank me for that. You need that relationship with your dad. And as you get older I hope that you and him will get closer. He will always be your daddy. 

You had to take the OAT the other day.. you scored advanced in Reading. I was so proud of you. I hope you know that I am.

You also want to start making Videos to put on-line. I really hope that you do that. You are so funny and clever sometimes… you make me laugh even when I so sooo angry. I love that about you even tho it is sooo annoying.  

I love you lil man… no longer my baby boy…

Love

Mommy

Dear YOU: Day 1

Day 1- Letter to you Best Friend

This is a hard one… there are 3 people that I consider my best friends…. But I don’t know who to write the letter to…

Dear Aaron: (using middle name)  

HHMMM… what to say… 

You are going to be moving in a few months… I can’t believe it. I will definitely miss you. Even though we hardly see each other now. And most of the time I feel if I don’t make the effort to text you or message you on facebook… I wouldn’t hear from you.  We’ve had our ups and downs.. We’ve tried the dating thing. And we’ve managed to stay friends thru it all.  I love ya.  I hope you all the best in your move.. I hope that everything you want to happen for you there, does. But its up to you. Its your life.. You are the one in control of it.. Not anyone else.. You choose who you let in.. and who you let out.  And its up to you if your life changes…  You have had it hard at times…  I’ve tried to always be there for you… as much as you would let me… and there were so many times you wouldn’t let me. You wouldn’t let me in to your heart, your soul, and your mind.   I have always felt that I came second to everyone else… except for those few months before we started dating… and maybe because you let me in for those few months… that’s what made me feel the closeness to you and feel a love for you more than what I had.  But I knew me and you couldn’t last. I loved you so much… but we were both at different places in our life… and deep down I don’t think you were ready for a family… you were/are still trying to find yourself.. and that’s good. I know I hurt you. I really didn’t want to, but in order for us to be happy… I had to let you go.  

I am scared for you. I am scared you are going to move, and nothing will be the way you think it should be… I am scared that you won’t be any better off than you are here… but you will be there… with out your family, I know you will survive… but I am still scared.  

You are grown. You have to live your life… and I think it can be really good that you are moving… but you have to change you in order for your life to change…  you need to think positive… and let God in some. He’s not bad. As cliché as it may sound… He does love you.  

You were always a great friend to me. We always had great “girl” talks and movie nights.. I miss them.  I always joked that you were me… but with balls… mainly just cause of how you had lived with your heart… and you overdid yourself when it came to your friends… That is one thing I can say about you… Anyone that is your friend should be honored by that title you gave them.  You are unselfish when it comes to your friends… but I do think maybe you should choose a little bit more carefully about who you have as a friend… but then I guess we all should.  

One thing you did really hurt me with tho… was that I had to find out you were moving from my mom… who found out on Facebook… I thought I was closer to you than that…  But maybe not…  

I hope you will keep in touch when you move more than you do now.

Forever your friend…

Sarah

Realization Friday

Well its finally Friday… and that means its time for Realizations of the week.. AND I actually had some sent into me!! YAY!!!  

Make sure you send yours in next week overthinkingmama@gmail.com

Ive Come to Realize:

~ that I am totally losing my mind… and my hair

~ that its not worth the argument, but I am not a stepping stone either.

~ that if I go blind someday, I want to enjoy my family now and see as much of everything as I can

~ that staying up late, then hoping for a nap the next day- well the nap never seems to happen

~ that I need to focus moer on God than anything else

~ that theres no point in worrying over something I have no control over

~ that my kids aint ready to let me go to school

~ that there will always be someone and sometimes someone close that will judge me

~ that I may not be the best mom in the world and I may have no clue sometimes but that does not mean I am a bad mom

~ that if I have a really great day- the next will totally suck

~ I don’t understand why something happen, but I know God is good

~ I am sick and tired of being lonely.

Story Time Thursday- 1/B

I decided to tell a new story...  A story of a New Love. A Fated Love...  hope you enjoy the first part... 

It was January. So cold outside. One of the coldest winters already, or at least it seemed like it to me. I was cold. I was heartbroken. I felt worthless, hell maybe it was true. I couldn’t keep a decent relationship for more than a few months. And to top it all off, the man that held my heart for so long, the one man that I couldn’t seem to get over completely, once again, just made me feel even more worthless. On the upside, I was on my way to New Orleans for my sister’s wedding. I was so excited. I had been looking forward to this weekend for so long. No kids, NO job, and hopefully No issues. I was really looking forward to this break. I really needed it. 

I got in late on Thursday. My other sister Julie was waiting for me at the hotel. I was so thankful for that. Our sister that was getting married, Maria, was already out on Bourbon Street. It was the night of her bachlorette party!  I was anxious about it. I didn’t want to have to try and find everyone in a different city and all the bars and craziness that goes on, on Bourbon Street. I was also really looking forward to this. I hadn’t been out in a long time. At least 3 or 4 months that I can remember. I wanted to get out, let loose, drink, dance, and just be free for a few hours. 

I needed to be free. The last few months had been… well heart breaking to say the least.  I gave my love another chance. My daughters father.. whom I should have known better. I should have know he was all just bull shit. Just talk. But a part of me hope… Hoped for the 4^th time that it wasn’t b.s. that it was true. He promised he would do right by me.. He promised he would be a father to our daughter. He promised he wouldn’t leave again. I was his heart. I should have known. A few months prior I fell into the lines he gave. Fell back into those thoughts of love… a true love, or so he said. The only thing I asked of him was to call my pastor, who I had already asked, to set up counseling sessions… He kept putting it off… Finally 2 months later I told him, he had till New Years.. then I was walking away for good… I had to. He would lose me forever… New Years came and went, and I realized how I wasn’t worth it to him. His family wasn’t worth it.  I wasn’t worth it.  I felt so small. So worthless. So much like nothing.  But I survived. 

am i a Christian?

This has been a post that has been weighing on my heart to write.. I just never was able to get it from my brain to my finger tips... I am going to attempt to do that today. Hopefully even with all of the distractions I can get this out..and it be understandable to you. :-) 


I am a Christian. I was saved about 2years ago.  I still remember the night perfectly. I am not going to go into it on this post.. You can read about it here.  (at least I think thats the right link).   The thing I struggle most with... What makes a Christian a Christian?  or at least a good Christian.   Is there a check list or something that you can go through and see what the requirements are?   Do you have to be saved? Do you have to just believe in Jesus as our Saviour? Do you have to pray? Do you have to read the bible, go to church, not cuss, drink, no pre-marital sex, no dirty thoughts etc...  


What can you do and not do as a Christian? Is there a right way or a wrong way? 


As you probably know from reading my posts... I over think EVERYTHING. This is no different.. I over analyze myself.. my thoughts.. my actions.. and sometimes those of others... and sadly sometimes I do judge others too...  Like if I see a person who claims they are a Christian, go into a bar and have a drink... I think to myself.. yea they can't be a Christian and drink!!!  but wait.. I do that. Or they smoke weed or do any other various drugs.. they can't be a Christian.  Or they are living with someone and aint married... Or they swear non-stop..  ok. you get the idea...   And I am sure other Christian's judge me too based on what I do or say on if I am a "real" Christian or not.


I guess my biggest thing is...  deep down I believe I am a Christian.. yea.. I do a lot of things that on the outside don't look very "Christian" to some... but does that really mean Im not? And one of my fears is that... just becuase I believe I am a Christian.. does that really mean I am? Am I saved?   
I know my mom would say that its the Devil making me feel this way... and maybe it is.. but it is still a concern I have.. and I am sure that there is others out there that think the same way.   


I guess all I can do is be..  I love the Lord, whole heart and soul...  Yea, in the last few months my close relationship with Him has taken a side seat to life. But I want to do better... I have a plan set up and I will get back to the closeness that I had with Him.  I am sure that I will always have doubts about myself... as I do in every aspect of my life... but I know my heart. and I guess that is all that matters... 

The Funeral...

If you follow me on Twitter, you may remember last week me posting about a co worker's husband passing away.  He had cancer and had been sick for awhile, it was expected but still a shock to her.  


The Memorial Service was this past Saturday at 11am.  My boyfriend was in town and said he would come with me for it. (he's a sweet heart). Well of course we ended up waking up just a little late but still made pretty decent time. Got the kids dropped of where they needed to be (I knew better than to try and get them to sit thru any type of memorial service) and we were off.  
We got to the cemetery at 1115. The service was supposed to be at the Mausoleum, but when we got there, there were no car in the parking lot. So we drove a bit and then I bucked up and decided to go into the office and ask for help. When I got in I asked for the coworkers husbands funeral service... Said I was told it was to be in the Mausoleum, the nice lady that worked there said they had moved it to the chapel, she could take us over that, but it was probably almost finished and it might be best if we just wait till it was finished and then just went with the procession to the graveside service. So that's what we decided to do because she said it would be finished shortly, and we didn't want to be rude just walking in at the end of the service...  
5 minutes go by and we sit... 10 minutes go by and we sit... 15 minutes go by and we sit...  I start to feel stupid for sitting out in my car this long...  No-one was coming out, we could have went in and been apart of the service. GGRR.. 20 minutes.. I see a man with his daughter come out for "fresh air". I decided to go over and talk to him and see what was going on... He told me the service was still going but was probably near the end and that it wasn't a big deal if we went in..  So I go back to the car but decide to just wait another few minutes because our luck just as we walk in... everyone else will be walking out.  So we wait... And finally we see people coming out and getting into their vehicles.  So we follow the line of cars to the grave side.. and while we are waiting there to get out, I look around and realized I don't recognize anyone there. Then my overthinking brain start going... "what if this isn't the right funeral?" what if we sat here waiting and it wasn't the right person?" What if we show up and pay our respects for a man that I don't even know!"  What if... What if... what if... 
Luckily, then I seen my coworker sitting down and a wave of relief came over me. It was alright. Phew. The graveside service was beautiful and from what I heard the Chapel service was too. I wish we would have went in and see it.   
After the service I went over and hugged my coworker and we left. 


On a its a small world note... and ex-coworker of mine was there and it turns out him and my bf knew each other when they were younger. :-) 

out to dinner

mama needs some sleep.

I have been fighting my daughter for almost 2 years now to sleep a full night! The nightly battles are almost always lost on my end, mainly because, I am just too damn tired and rather stay asleep than get up and put her back into her own bed.  But then I don't normally get a good night sleep because one- I was already woke up and two- she is a wiggler. She is constantly moving her arms or legs, she has to be half on you at almost all times, and she has fuzzy hair that has to be in your nose and mouth while you try and breath.  As much as I love the fact that she loves to snuggle... I need a full nights sleep... for more than one night. 
On occasion i will get lucky and I will wake up in the morning to an empty bed. (Not counting of course my 45lbs dog that is a bed and cover hog) I will get excited and think maybe... just maybe she is out of that "I need to be in mommies bed to sleep" tiff she is in.  But then night comes... and there she is in my bed by 2am. 
This all started about 2 years ago. Right about the time me and a guy I was dating broke up. I don't know if that had anything to do with it or not... but I am going to assume maybe it did.  Me and the guy only dated for about 6 or 7 months. He didn't live with us, but was there 90% of the time. And he was good with my kids.  But after we split, my daughter never asked about it... never wanted him... nothing.  But a few months later... she couldn't sleep alone. 
It started out that she was scared of monkeys.   She was afraid that there were monkeys in her room and they were going to get her. I would fight with her for hours to get her even to just go to sleep then she would finally fall asleep for a few hours only to wake up and come into my bed.  At that point, I was tired of fighting with her, so I let her stay. I just wanted her to sleep.  I tried everything to get her over that phobia. Got rid of stuffed monkeys she had in her room... had monkey "spray" (air freshener) to prevent the monkeys. Told her that I put a spell on the room. That no monkeys would go near her because they were scared of me.  Finally about a year later, she isn't too scared of them in her room, though she still uses that as an excuse sometimes I think to come into my bed. 
Now I can get her go to sleep pretty good. She will be up and down a few times to go potty, or to hug me again, or something... there's always something.  But eventually she will be down for the count... for a couple hours that is. 
Sometimes normally between midnight and 2am she creeps into my room. I don't always notice it.. sometimes I sleep through it and sometimes I choose to ignore it. But sometimes I have gotten up and tried to put her back into her bed or out on the couch.  And sometimes that works.. most of the time not.  
I just don't know what to do. I am open to suggestions. I need help. I need a full nights sleep.  I need my sanity. I work full time and now am trying to go to school too and still be a mom/gf/housekeeper/friend/daughter/sister/woman etc... and I feel like I am going crazy some times because of lack of good sleep. 
Help! 

9/11

I was debating whether or not to do a post about this... I had decided not to on Friday, but after reading some other blogs, I decided that I will.  Its a little late... but here's my memory of 9/11/01


I remember being at home. I was 19 and living with my parents still. I had gotten up early that day. I had so much on my mind. Well, really only one main thing on my mind.  I was up showered and dressed earlier than normal.  
The phone rang. It was my mom.  She said something about a plane hitting the twin towers in NY. They think its terrorists. I figured she was just over doing it and didn't really pay much attention to what she was saying. I had more important things on my mind.  She told me to stay home. I didn't listen.  I had plans. Important plans. Plans that couldn't wait.  So I left. 
I headed up to the hospital.  I signed in for a blood test. I sat in the waiting room/lobby for a bit. The news was on. They were talking about the plane crashes. A second plane. And a third. I didn't hardly pay attention to what they were saying. My mind was set on waiting to hear my name called... then it was. They took only one tube of blood from me.  I felt a little faint when the needle went into my skin and hit the purple vein.  Watching the tube fill up with a dark red smooth liquid made me more and more nervous.  When I was done, I drove home to wait.  3pm. I could call for the results then.  I would be getting ready for work. I wouldn't forget to call though. 
When I got home my mom was there waiting for me. She was almost frantic. She asked me where I went. I told her just down to the store. She didn't question me, but said we needed to get up to the gas station and fill up our tanks. Who knows whats going to happen and we may need that gas.  We got there before the mad rush, filled up and went home.  I honestly don't remember too much else that happened. I was focused on that phone call.  
3 o clock finally came... I made the call.  Positive. I called up my high school sweet heart to tell him what we thought was true. I was pregnant.  The first thought- how do we tell our parents.  Still not focused on the day or the events. It was still about us.  
We had received a call from our job that we didn't have work that day and they would call us regarding the following day in the morning. We were very happy about that.  
My mom decided we should go out to dinner. Amazingly there was a restaurant open..Chi Chi's. We sat across from my mom and my step dad, still so nervous.  How do I tell her? How will she take it?  We made chit chat. And then she made a comment, that she couldn't wait to be a Grandmother.  I still didn't tell her for another few days. 

Realization Friday

I know guys that I have been slacking with my posts.. I promise to try and do better with it... Just seems like there's not enough time in the day... and lately I have been getting distracted easily and go off day dreaming... I think it may be due to a lack of sleep... :-(  and homework. ugh. 


Any who... I did get one thing underway today... My Traveling NOtebook!! Check it out... send me and email if you would like to participate! I am excited... I can't wait to see how it turns out! :-) 


I finally have received some Realizations to post for the week... Keep them coming in!! :-) 


I've come to realize: 
~ That I can't control everyone and everything
~ That I need to just go with the flow a little bit more and quit worrying all the time
~ They ain't like me. I can't expect to receive the same from them all the time just because thats how I am.
~ That sometimes I get tired of being the only one who makes all the effort in this
~ I hate meeting new people, talking in front of people or trying to explain something people I do not know.
~ Not everyone can be the friend you need them to be all the time, and sometimes you are not always the friend they need you to be all the time.
~ Ex's are probably one of the most annoyingest things in life... 




Hope everyone has a super duper weekend... Not sure how mine's gonna be... I am sure it will be great... but not sure how my moods gonna be... just found out some really bad news... I can't go into details just yet, but I will next week. 


Email me your realization for next friday!! :-) overthinkingmama@gmail.com

Lil man getting off the bus..

Labor day weekend... not long enough

Well... It may as well be Monday... in my head it is anyway...


OYE!! I really should have stayed in bed this morning.   
I came into work today... and started my usual routine... 
1- sign into my computer
2- get email program up... click send/rec. mail
3- go make coffee
4-go back and check emails
5- get cup of coffee
6- twitter/facebook/email/blog etc... 


Well... step no. 3 didn't go quite as I planned...  When I went back in to our little kitchen to get me a cup of coffee because its been a long long morning already and i needed to wake up... and what did I find??!! ugh.  I forgot to put the pot on the burner under the filter bucket when I made the coffee this morning... and there on the lovely floor of my work kitchen was the contents of an entire pot of coffee... oye... 2 rolls of paper towels, a coffee soaked sleeve, and 23 wet sugar packets later... it was all cleaned up and I attempted to make pot number 2... all went as it should...  


And to make this all better... my daughter came to work with me today... and got to Mommy at her finest!!!  *oye*

baby girl... looking all grown

My weekend was really great!! My love came up Friday. His daughter went with her mom for the weekend and my kids were with my mom for a few hours, so we decided to go have a couple drinks with my friends for a bit.. It was nice to hang out with them.  My kids got home and we some how played hide n seek... (i was the best hider- i fit in to all the oddest spaces!!) After hide n seek, we decided to take the puppies for a walk... at 10pm.. but it was really nice... I need to get Edward used to walking on a leash ugh. 

Saturday Lil Man went with his dad for the weekend and me and baby girl and the boyfriend all just kinda layed around all day...  I know we did something... but I can't think of what it was now.  My mom was really nice and watched baby girl for me for a few hours... My and the boyfriend went out to dinner and then over to a friend of mine's mom's house for a party. It was a lot of fun.  I got to hang out some with people I haven't seen in a while... tho it was a awkward because the people I know were busy talking with other people or running around from person to person... so me and the boyfriend just sat there with each other... watching everyone... that was interesting tho.. I love to people watch! 

After that party we went up to the bar/bowling alley because my friend was working... So we stopped and had a drink with her and her husband.  I think this was the first time I have been out in a few months... It was kinda nice, and definitely well needed.  

Sunday we got started on the 1st gate for my backyard. It was to finish off the fence my boyfriend put up for me in May.  It took all weekend to get it done and just the way he liked (he's a perfectionist)... but it looks great!! I was gonna take a picture of it this morning and i forgot. ugh.  

Monday, he worked on that again while I cleaned up the house some and did laundry. 

He really didn't want to go home Sunday night, so him and his daughter decided to stay one more night and leave early this morning... so that is what that did, and I really am so happy they did. I wasn't ready to part yet...  I need to try and find away to convince him to stay here forever. *insert evil laugh*   but I know that really ain't possible because his daughter is in school and he has responsibilities at his house... but its nice to wish. 

what the hell was i thinking?

I was debating on even writing about this... but i need to vent.. and that's what this blog is for right?? 


So here it goes... 


My daughters father.. in my opinion.. is ugh. there are no words that describe what I am feeling towards him right this minute. 


Maybe its the fact that I am already in a pissy mood... or the fact that I am just really getting tired of the whole situation.. or the fact that I am already in a pissy mood... This man just gets under my skin...  and I am tired of dealing with him. 
If I didn't want to know it was him texting me... I would delete his number from my phone. 


This man hasn't seen his daughter away from me... since... April maybe..  He came over once in May to see her at my house... and then once I think in July as he drove by in his work truck to see her for a total of maybe 2 minutes... He was there for her first day of school, bought her a stuffed animal and that has been it. 


He text me either Monday or Tuesday of this week and asked if he could maybe see her Wednesday since that is his only day off during the week. Um sorry dickweed.. you know she's in school on Wednesdays.. oh you forgot? well maybe if you were involved a little bit more, you wouldn't have forgotten.  What about after work one night? Ya know I go to school every single night of the week... I can drop her off and pick her up so you don't even have to worry about that?? hows that sound.. oh. yea. you can't. Right. 


Well how about taking her overnight this Saturday? oh. you are going out of town. Ok.  


Why do I bother? Why do I try and force this man to be a father to his daughter? Why do I bother to put in this much effort when obviously.. It don't matter to him??


OH and the funniest thing he said to me... I don't want her calling any of your boyfriends daddy or thinking of them like that...  Sorry hun, that really ain't up to you.. If they are there in her life more than you... you only have yourself to blame on that one.  


I am tried of trying to beg you to see your daughter... She's available anytime you want her for the most part... but wait you don't ask.  I have never kept her from you like your other ex's have your other kids... yet.. you still don't see her.  


why do I bother? Oh yea. I guess its because I am hoping one day that maybe you will grows some balls and man up and be the father that MY daughter needs in her life...  because I don't want MY daughter growing up thinking her father doesn't love her... because I have already answered the question to your other kids on why doesn't their daddy want to see them... I don't want to have to answer that question to her... Thank God she doesn't get it yet... She doesn't think this is abnormal.. but she will, especially because he brother's father is a man and get him as much as possible. 


Here's a hint...  put her first in your life for once... NOT YOURSELF 

school update

Well its been one full week for me and kiddos to be in school.. So far so good. 

Baby girl really likes her school. She seems to have started talking a whole lot more... like pretty much non-stop.  But its great! I drop her off in the morning and she happy and not at all upset that I am leaving her there. That is so nice and so much different than I experienced with Lil Man.

I am really hoping this is going to be a great year for Lil Man. He loves his teacher! He was talking about his teacher all summer long and hoped he got him and he did. The teacher so far seems amazing.. and hopefully just what lil man needs. 

School for me is going pretty good.. I really am enjoying it so far.. and am pretty much on top of everything. Even got my first paper back and got an A!! yay!! 

So lets hope this year for all of us goes amazing!! 

God Bless

Happy Wednesday!