different perspective

I have started the whole online dating thing… I have been on a few dates.. and have met some amazing men.   My perspective of them is definitely different than it would have been a year or two ago.  

I have always settled for great guys… but guys that in the long run really didn’t have the same standards or ideas as myself.

And the biggest thing… I have never dated a Christian.  I have dated men who say they are a Christain.. but never go to church..  don’t have strong faith… don’t read the bible.. don’t pray consistently…   And honestly, that is the biggest thing in my life. I want someone that is THAT!

I don’t want someone that says they will go to church with me… that they will pray with me. I kinda want someone that is already established in his faith… at least to some degree. 

A year or two ago.. meeting someone and going into a relationship was more about emotions to me. I am a very emotional person. So when I started to feel something towards someone- that was it… I was all in – red flags and all. I was in.  Now… eh. Lol.

Its hard for me to form strong emotional bonds with someone.. especially if I see any flags what so ever.  Its kinda eerie looking at life this way. Its great, don’t get me wrong. But its just so odd for me to see a “relationship” with someone and not feel all the butterflies and the tingles that normally would go along with it. 

Now, I am not rushing anything. I am taking the time to get to k now someone. Not just oooohh.. you make me feel loved.. lets get married. Cuz that is how I have always lived my life… and where has it left me??!! SINGLE.  So this time around… I am thinking with my head and not my heart so much… don’t get me wrong, my heart will be involved… but it will be a second factor in the process… not the first.

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

MEN! UGH!

So.. this last week was good... in a way! lol.

I got hit on by a guy as I was shopping at the Salvation Army! I don't think I have been approached by a man... in over a year... :-( So it was very flattering... We exchanged numbers and about 3hrs later... I kinda figured out what his agenda was... and it def. wasnt like mine... He wanted a booty call... Sorry boy.. Im not a botty call kinda girl. So a couple days later I text him pretty much so he couldnt come back and later on say- well you never text me. And I was just like - wanted to say hi. He wrote back: sorry been busy. dont think me and you have the same ideas of what we want. i dont want to waste your time. I wrote to him: no big deal. I want a friendship that will possible lead to a relationship. He replyed: i want a friendship that will lead to benefits. I said well if you want to be friends, cool. but thats all it will ever be. He wrote back. perhaps but I dont want to waste our time. I replyed. Ok cool! And that was that!
Ya know... At least he was honest.

Then my friends birthday was this weekend, so we went out to dinner. I joked with her if there were gonna be any cute guys (cuz i dated her boyfriends bestfriend awhile back and also went on a couple dates with another of his friends.. neither worked out.. moved on. no biggie.) He co-worker was there and took the phone from her and said he was going to be there... Next thing I knew I got a friend request on facebook... Ok.. cool. Checked him out. I had met him before and had thought he was attractive then... but after i seen his profile i realized he's 5 years younger than me... *flag* but... id give him a chance.. we can at least be friends... maybe... lol. anyways that night at dinner... he showed himself.. lol. he was obnoxious... him and another guy that was there (both whom were drinking) started bantering back and forth... talking bs back and forth to each other... the other guy stopped a couple times... this guy... just couldnt let it stop. Ok.. i get it.. he's young and gotta prove himself... but really? just shut up. sometimes... being quiet and letting things be.. is the best for everyone... it aint worth it! but he just proved his immaturity to me that night.
We texted back and forth and via text he seems like a cool dude... a cool friend... but im not looking for a playdate, to be mommy or even a babysitter... *sigh*
maybe i set my standards too high! lol.

Credit Report

Should credit matter when it comes to dating?

When you are dating someone or thinking of dating should their credit score or history even be a factor in "your future together"?
I will admit. I do think about it... I didnt used to and now I am paying for it.
My credit isn't the greatest. And really I have no one to blame but myself. I jokingly blame my ex for it all but really when it comes down to it... its MY credit and MY responsibilty. My ex had shit for credit when I met him... but we agreed to fix it together... we were gonna be together forever and all that, so no big deal. 6 months after we started dating, he lost his job... and was unemployed for 9 months!!! During that time I put almost everything on my credit cards, didn't pay anything off, and the bills just kept piling up, but I figured that we would pay it off TOGETHER as soon as he got a job... Well 2 months after he got a job... We split... and now guess who gets to pay of the bills?? Yup you got it right... ME!!
But I am working on my credit. I have consolidated my cards, and it will be paid of in a couple years. I have actually raised my credit score in the last year. I pay most if not all of my bills on time.. and I am fixing my mistakes...
But should I be leary of a man that had credit that is shit??
If he can't even get a phone in his name? Should that be a considering factor when thinking of a future with a man?
My mom always told me to make sure you keep your credit good. Its like a reputation.. once you loose it... its even harder to get back. And I had faught hard most of my life to keep my credit good... but if a man that I am planning on spending my life with doesn't have the same philosphy as me then what am I to think about our credit future?
I guess I should get the reasoning behind the credit issues... and if there is a plan of repair set up to fix the credit issues before discriminating again a man...
but should I even be thinking about his credit before the idea of marriage is even on the table?

the dating "game"

Why does dating have to be such a game???

You have a great night with a guy/girl... then the next day you want to call them but don't want to make the first move or you don't want to seem needy or anything. So you don't call. And the other person is thinking the same thing. So neither calls. And you sit there and wonder.. hhmm.. did they not have a good time with me? maybe they don't like me? maybe I did something wrong? Did I say something wrong? Maybe I shouldnt have kissed them, maybe I shouldnt have hugged them, maybe I shouldnt have done this or that? Maybe they were just using me for a free meal, for something to do, etc?

Why does it have to be so confusing.

Why can't we just be open and honest. Just straight out say- i like you. I would like to get to know you more. Why are we so afraid of making the first move? Why are we so afrain of rejection? Wouldnt it be better to know after the first date, kiss, whatever, that you are not on the same level as the other person. Why string it along?!

What about after the first time you have sex with the person? Thats a whole other worry. Then you start to have even more feelings... and wonder if they do to. But you dont want to say anything cuz you dont know if they feel the same. And you sit there and wonder... was it good for them? Maybe I didn't do this right or that. Maybe I wasn't as good as they hoped.

Just be honest and open with each other. Don't smother them, but tell them how you feel. Better to have it out their and known where you stand then having to guess the whole time.

just be honest. (i am starting to see a theme with my blogs!)