Friday, April 27, 2012

Story Time 6

It hadn't even been a week since I last saw Ramon, but we were going to meet up tonight for drinks.  It was Tuesday and my kid was at my exhusbands for the night so I was pretty much free.  I didn't tell JoAnn about this either. In the past couple weeks things hadn't been that great between me and her.  She had been very down and negative that me and Ramon were getting closer. She kept reminding me that HE WAS MARRIED.  I told her we were just friends. Nothing else. Even tho deep down inside no denying could mask what I was feeling.  Ugh. I didn't want this.

Ramon and I met up at the Back Alley, it had kind become my little bar. Small. No drama. Cheap. lol.  We met up there about 9pm and we both were all smiles.  We talked and laughed and talked and laughed untill closing time.  Neither of us wanted the night to end, so we went and hung out in my car and talked for a couple more hours.  Finally we were both half asleep and I said I needed to call it a night.  I had to work in the morning.

We hugged goodnight and he gently kissed me on the lips.  The sparks were flying. I hadn't felt anything like that before.  My heart raced. I wanted more. I never wanted him to stop. But he pulled away and said good night and left.

I went home with my head spinning. Did that just really happen??  Ugh. I am not supposed to get involved. I am not supposed to get attached. He's married. MARRIED.  Why.Why.Why.

Thanksgiving came and it was nice and quiet. I was texting with JoAnn back and forth and she told me she was hanging out with Ramon and his wife.  JoAnn kept telling about how his wife kept asking if he was seeing someone? and JoAnns like I hate talking about this with her. I told her we are not together, not dating. We are just friends *denial again*.  She said they maybe you should just come over here.. I replied back to her, yea.. maybe I should.  She freaked out. Don't come over here she replied.. that will just make everything too weird!!

A little later that evening while I was up in my room, I received a text message from Ramon asking how I was and how my thanksgiving was.  We chit chatted back and forth some and then he text me "Sally, I love you".

Thursday, April 26, 2012

feeling... blessed!

I woke up today.. just feeling so blessed.  I couldn't tell you the amount of times today that I have thanked the Lord for everything in my life.. good and bad.. I thank Him. 

I just woke up happy today!!  I feel like even tho I am stressed about a few things in my life... I am seeing all the ways that I am blessed.  

Thank you Lord!!! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

past weekend

I had an absolutely awesome weekend. Probably one of the best one's I have had in a really long time!!!  It felt like Christmas all weekend long!!!  I got my new phone, a package from my pen pal, the cases for my phone, a new purse and wallet, my new devotional, and free earrings from It was awesome!! 
my free pear earrings!!! 

Friday night Lil man and his friend along with my friends Leisa, Pam, Art and their kids all went and played Laser Tag. It was so much fun. My son loved it! I can't wait to go back with him again!  After tag we went and had dinner all together. It was a lot of fun. :-)   

Saturday baseball was cancelled in the morning (yay!) So I was able to get some time in with the Lord! (double yay).   I was able to get my new phone all set up :-) And I got some great things in the mail. The cases that go with the phone... and this great package from my pen pal!!!! She seriously is so awesome!!! I love her. God truly blessed me with her friendship!!! 

my package from my pen pal
Later on I went and took lil man to his father and me and baby girl headed over to my friend Carlita's house.. She had some purses she wanted me to look at.. and you know purses are my weakness.. and I bought one..  a gorgeous Louis Vuiton purse and wallet.. LOVE IT!  It was a great time hanging out with her and her kids.. She made us dinner (she seriously is awesome) and we had some wine and watched a movie together.  It was a perfect night!!! 

Sunday, I went to church with my mom and then out to lunch. The rest of the day I was lazy. Didn't get much done, but a lot of snuggles with my baby girl!!  Sunday night I got set up on a blind (double) date. I was so nervous. But it turned out to be a lot of fun!!!  And I am glad that I have met a new friend :-)  

baby girl putting makeup on. 

It was just the perfect weekend!!! SO NEEDED!!! 

God is so good!!!! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Friday, April 20, 2012

dear ex

Dear Ex,
On impulse I write to you now... today... as I try and heal.  Try and feel worthwhile.

So many times I think about us. The time we have shared. The love we had. The love I fought so hard for... the love I gave up so much for.

I replay moments.  Moments where you held me so close, looked deep into my eyes, and I felt so loved.  I felt so complete.  I knew you wanted me. I knew you loved me.  We were one.

I replay moments. Moments where I cried myself to sleep because you made it obvious that watching that basketball game was more important than me.  And even when I begged you to please come to bed, come hold me... still nothing... or when I would come out at 3am and you were asleep on the couch and I would ask you to come to bed, you will insist you were still watching that game... and again for a second time that night, cry myself to sleep.

And now... now you want me back.. And a part of me wants you.  A part of me wants that love we once had... but now, now I am broken.  Broken from you.. and broken from every man since you.  I have searched for love... searched to be wanted, to be desired by every. single. man since you... only to come up short.  Only to feel used, worthless, and empty.  I gave myself to men to easily, just to feel wanted , even if for a breif moment.  

I don't blame you for any of this. We both have our demons.  And as much as I love you, I can't go back to that... I can't go back in fear of reliving this all over again.   I am weak.  But I am mending.  I have the Lord by my side.  I am learning I am worthy because of Him. I am learning HE loves me not inspite of my past... but because of my past.

And even tho my heart still hurts thinking about all of this... all of our struggles and even all of our love... and even as the tears run down my cheeks thinking of this...  I forgive you.  

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Tuesday, April 17, 2012


another modpodge day of thoughts going on in my head this morning! 

This past weekend was a down one for me. On the outside you really wouldn't have know too much. Just that maybe I didn't smile as quickly. That I was off in dreamland a little bit more. That I was just a little bit more quiet than usual.  I still went along with my weekend plans like I normally would. Friday night, went out with some friends. Saturday had baseball practice and then bowling with a couple friends and all of our kids and then a cook out and movies with the friends and kids (total of 8 kids!) Sunday we had church and cleaning the house up and doing everything I needed to do. I fought off tears most of the time.  Excused myself and went to the bathroom and dried my eyes when the deep sadness got to much.  

Most people have no idea to what degrees I am depressed at times. I don't tell many people, because I don't want to burden them with my issues. They all seem to have all this other things going on in their life.. and even when I just share a little bit with some people.. it almost seems to go in one ear and out the other because they are so consumed with what is going on in their own life.  So I press on. I know I will shake it in a few days. I will keep praying, having my time with God and I will make it thru.  

I don't want to burden people because this is something that I go thru often.. about 1x a month.. sometimes more... sometimes less.  I don't want to be a cry baby. I don't want people to see me as weak or that all I do is complain.  So I back away a bit and keep on keeping on. 

I am always the friend that is there for everyone. I stop what I am doing to listen to their problems. I push my problems away and face theirs with them hand in hand.  I love that I am able to be that friend to them. That I am the one they come to when they are down.

When I became a Christian I was hoping that with Christ, I would always be blissfully happy.. But its been the opposite.  I mean don't get me wrong, I am so happy. Deep down I am happy. But now that I am a Christian, I see more wrong in the world. I see how I have sinned where I am still sinning. My heart breaks for my friends that don't know Christ and that keep making the same choices over and over again. My heart breaks for my choices that even knowing they are wrong, I keep making them.   As a Christian, its that much harder for me to find a husband. I have more wants and desires in a man now. And it makes finding a good man that will accept me and the bad choices that I have made in my past that much harder.. BUT with Christ I know I have someone with me. I have a best friend. I have a protector. I have a future. I have Love. I have promise. I wouldn't trade that for all the blissful happiness in the world. HE and HE alone has softened my heart. He has made me feel.. He has opened my eyes. But I have faith in HIM. It will get better.  The sadness will go away. The love and happiness will surround me because of HIM!!! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Taming my tounge

Had a shortened time with God this morning... sadly baseball has taken my morning time from me.. but I  still made sure I fit in a few moments with HIM. 

I read for my my Proverbs 31 : God's Purpose for Every Woman today.. I have started re-reading the pages because I have finished it and have yet to find a devotion that speaks to me the way this had.  And as usual, the Lord speaks to me thru it. 

This has been a very frustrating week being a mom...  with being tired and already frustrated with the issues going on with my dad and his house and other family issues... I just didn't have the patience I should have had for my kids, and I swear they know it and push me even farther. 

My daughter has a thing where she doesn't want to do what I tell her on the first time.. I have to repeat myself and end up counting to 5, to get her to do what I want. My son is back talking and wants to argue over EVERYTHING and I mean everything.  This week was just too much for me to deal with. And being frustrated I ended up yelling... well more like screaming.. to the point where my throat hurt. As soon as I was done and the kids were quiet, I broke down and cried.  I don't know what to do sometimes. I just want to give up and run away. I feel like a failure as a mom.   

Todays devotional was about Yelling and having a septic heart

Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.  ~ Matthew 12:34

" We have to realize that our heart may be poisoned by the toxins of anger, resentment, unmet expectations, unforgiveness, bitternes and unfulfilled dreams. 
    I've discovered four simple truths that jump started my cleansing process. The toxins are not completely gone, but I take an antioxidant of God's Word daily to combat their effects. Try it! And you don't need a spoon ful of sugar to help this medicine go down.

1.  Renew your heart every morning (Isaiah 50:4-5) We have a whole day of living to do, and we need to set our mind on Him and receive His guidance.
2.   Repent daily (Psalm 51:10) We can't carry the burden and conviction fo our sin from day to day. Lighten your load.
3. Rend your heart often (Joel 2:12-13) Examine your heart honestly and ask God to help you identify those things that are of Him.
4. Rest your heart when needed (Psalm 127:2) Though not always pracitical, sometiems lying down for a quick nap is just what the heart and soul need. 

Ask God to help you to be slow to anger. Ask your family to forgive you for your behavior and to pray for you. Stop, leave the room, and pray before you yell. If you can't leave, still stop and pray. Ask a friend to hold you accountable for your temper. "

I need to do this. I need to stop and put it in God's hands more than I do.  I need to ask HIM for help with raising my kids.  I need His guidance to raise my children in His Love. 

Could you also do me a favor?? Could you please go and vote for me over on Circle of Moms? I have been nominated for the Top 25 Single Mom blogs... I really want to stay in the top 25. :-) Thank you so much!!!  Just click on here. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Friday, April 13, 2012

Realization Friday

the drive into work :-) via instagram

Man, I am seriously sucking lately at doing my weekly Realization Friday post. I'll try and get better with that... but I am sorry, I can't make any promises. 

I will try tho. lol. 

This week I have come to realize: 

~ that people you thought would be there to help- ain't always going to be there.

~ that just because you don't talk for months to a good friend, doesn't mean they are not still a friend. 

~ that the Lord is the only one who will be able to get me thru anything. 

~ that I really want to get my 1/2 sleeve done. 

~ that since I started leaving my dogs out the cage during the day, they aint as crazy at night. 

~ that my big dog seriously thinks he's my boyfriend- or something. lol. 

~ that sometimes all I need is some good music to uplift my spirit.

~ that I am def. not as popular as I was last Fall. Which is fine, a little disheartening and a small blow to the ego, but I know most the people I was texting on a daily basis will lead me down a path I really do not want to go. 

~ that I am going to live my life for my Lord. I don't want to be who I was. 

Hope ya'll have a great weekend!! Not sure what we are doing yet... but I know it will be fun, one way or another. :-) 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Craziness... organized... slightly

I try and stay organized, at least the scheduling part of my life. 

With 15thousand things going on daily-its hard!!!  More often than not I forget something that I was supposed to do. :-(   ...even with a paper planner and an app/website calendar that I use.  I still forget. 

I thought I would share all this with ya! 

I found a great app that is also linked to a website called Cozi. It has a calendar, shopping list, to do list and a journal area.  I love this!!!  I have the app downloaded on my phone and it syncs with my account online with Cozi. So I can update all of it from either my phone or my computer at anytime.. It also has a features so that if you have more than just one person in your family that would need to be kept in the loop- you can do that, they can get updates via emails or text or can even log into Cozi to make changes and what not. So everyone is on the same page of it!!  Best of all... ITS FREE!!! 

from my phone- my calendar

from my phone- the grocery list

from my phone- the to do list

on my computer- you can see the calendar, to do list, journal, and messages.. 
I also feel the need to have an actual paper calendar to have handy at anytime.  I have everyone obligation in there (and also on Cozi). And then after the day is over, I write down everything that happened (well for the most part) that day..  I have such a horrible memory, that if I don't... I won't remember what happened.. even just yesterday! lol.  I have been doing this for about 5-6 yrs now!!  

ok.. its upside down.. but you can get the idea.. lol.

individual day entries.
Thanks for peeking into my "organized maddness"! lol. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Could you also do me a favor?? Could you please go and vote for me over on Circle of Moms? I have been nominated for the Top 25 Single Mom blogs... I really want to stay in the top 25. :-) Thank you so much!!!  Just click on here.  

Friday, April 6, 2012

Time with HIM

I love my time with God that I have... sadly, I don't have it every day like I want or should. I am lucky if every day I wake up in enough time to let the dogs out, get the kids up, get myself dressed and be out the door in enough time to get everyone where they are supposed to go and then myself to work on time.  

Every morning I try and get up early... try and have that time with God... and everyday I hit the snooze but again and again and again about 3 more times... and think to myself... I will just lay here and pray.. that will do it.. that will be good enough... and I lay and start to pray... and I fall asleep...  and repeat again.. and again.. till i realize I have less than enough time to get done the things that need to be done.

Same at night... by the time I get done with my day and get home and the kids into bed... I am exhausted.. honestly anymore, I am lucky if I get a shower in before I finally head to bed. I am normally that tired!!!  Let alone actually sitting down and having some one on one time with the Lord.  

And the sad truth... I don't really try that much harder to make the time with God a reality... except on the weekends... and normally just on Saturdays because Sundays we have church..  I long for those Saturdays.  I long for that time with HIM. I long for that time to be uplifted to feel his love... his grace... to get a small glimpse into HIS beauty... and then to have that inspiration to come here and share it with you.  So why don't I put in that extra effort everything single day to make that longing into a reality.. it is the one longing that I have a control over. I don't know.  Partly I am scared. I am scared that if my time with the Lord is every single day, that I will lose that longing for it. It will be just a norm.  Also, partly, I am just lazy. I am exhausted and when I am tired, and worn out, I don't feel like I get the good time with God. Its just time. I am not giving my all and I feel like I am not able to receive his all. 

I want to say that this week will be better... that this week I will get up early or stay up a few minutes later... and I will try I want that closeness with Him. I am so in love with Him and if He were a human man in flesh and blood here on Earth today, I would make that time. So why don't I for my Father. My creator. My Saviour. MY ONE TRUE LOVE.  

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Tuesday, April 3, 2012


Yay!!! I have been nominated again this year for the Circle of Mom's Top 25 Single Mom Blogs.  

Please help me stay in the Top 25 by voting for me once a day! I really appreciate it!! 

You can vote 1x a day per computer... so get everyone you know to vote for me :-) lol. and use all the computers/smartphones/tables to vote too!!  

I feel very blessed to be nominated again!!  It's because of my wonderful readers that I was and will hopefully stay in the Top 25.  Wouldn't it be great tho if I could get into the Top 10... or ever the #1 spot!!! That would be awesome!! So please go vote for me!!!!  

Thanks guys!!!  

ps. voting ends April 18, 2012 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Monday, April 2, 2012

Singleness Post

I was scrolling thru facebook updates from my friends and I came across this blog post this morning. 

I wanted to share with all of you. I think it was wonderful and is perfect timing for me and for a few of my friends out there too...  

Being single isn't a punishment and doesn't mean you are any less of value because you are single.   I know I struggled with this many many times.  Keep thinking WHY ME?!  But I know God has a great plan for me.  

Please take a moment and head over to Becoming a Strong Woman of God and check out this post on 5 myths on being single. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama