Wednesday, March 30, 2011

To Him I am perfect

As I get up from my desk and quietly walk to the bathroom.. I hope my coworkers don’t here the little sniffle sounds my nose is making. I don t want them to know I am crying. I don’t want them to know how weak I am at times. I don’t want them to look down on me or feel sorry for me…
I hurry in to the bathroom and make sure the doors closed and locked.  And I collapse. I sit down on the floor of the bathroom… not even caring at that moment that it may be dirty. I just need to sit.  And I weap.  I weap and I am not even sure exactly what I am weaping for.  This is the 2nd time today. I read something on line and I start crying… I read about a loving husband and wife.. and I start to cry… 
I prayed for the Lord to make my heart soft.. and that He did today… 
I just keep thinking about my life.. and I trying so hard not to focus on what I don’t have right now.. and focus on the Lord… that is my continued prayer… to keep my focus on him and nothing else…  I keep slipping from that tho…
I need to be patient… and I am trying really hard to be… but days like today… Its hard. Days like today I just want someone to hold me… just hold me.   

But I will go back to focusing on my love for the Lord. He loves me. And that is enough.
To Him I was worth it. To Him I am perfect.

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Monday, March 28, 2011

My weekend

This past weekend was amazing!!! This whole past week was amazing!!!
God continued to Rock my world this weekend!!! Seriously!!

Saturday night I went out to dinner with a friend and then to The Eternity Play that a church was putting on. A mutual friend of ours gave him the tickets. OMG!! The play was amazing!!  I showed Heaven and Hell… and how you need Jesus in your life. It was very emotional… I was crying!!  It was awesome. My friend and I both went and recommitted our lives to Jesus!!  

Sunday I went to church with my friend at a new church. It was a little farther than I normally would go.. but wow. The church was amazing. I love my church.. but this one I felt so comfortable at… mine I have always felt slightly awkward… maybe I felt so comfy because I had someone with me I dunno. But I think I am going to go back and see how the church is and everything… its was amazing!!  

A few down things happened this weekend… my dad got admitted into the hospital with conjestive heart failure and copd.  I was really worry about him on Saturday morning, but I set the worries at the foot of the Lord and he helped me not worry as much.. My dad is doing better and is in decent spirits. Hopefully will get to come home tomorrow.
My step mom is still in the physical reahab center and now has a high temperature. Not srue on all the details with her tho.
I am on a quest to buy a new tv since mine blew out on my 2 weeks ago… I had no idea just trying to buy a tv would be so difficult!!  I went to walmart on Friday night… they didn’t have ANY in stock. Went to Sam’s club on Sunday.. they had none that I wanted or could afford.  Then later Sunday night I went online to and say the perfect tv. And I could afford it. So I checked the in store availability and wahoo!! They had some in the store.. So went to the target by me.. and they didn’t have one… but the one in the next town over (about 15min away) had one and they would put it on hold for me… so ok… get over there… and it rang up $50 more… so I told them about the online price. They pretty much said sorry about your luck, we can’t do anything. We don’t honor the online pricing at our stores!!! Really??? Wth!! So I called the corp. customer service today… and pretty much got the same thing!!!  Wonderful customer service there Target!! Seriously!! You just lost a customer here!!  So I will probably be going to Walmart now to get my TV.

But honestly… even with the bad things going on… it was an amazing weekend because God was there with me thru it all!!!

Hope your weekends were great!!

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Friday, March 25, 2011

Realization Friday

Its that mosty favoritest (is that a word?) time of the week.. Its Friday… and to makeit even better… Its realization Friday!!! Yay!!

This week I’ve come to realize:

~ That God is sooo sooo God!!!  Thank you Lord!!!

~ That I really suck at remember my realization for the week.. and I had some great ones!!

~  That boys say girls are confusing… yea.. well boys: you aint all that straight forward either… you are confusing too!!!

~ I have had two people now ask me if I was diabetic from different things I have said… maybe I should go to the doc and get checked out…

~ Seeing turkeys run in front of your car.. in the middle of the street… going 50… is a good thing (as long as you don’t hit them) it’s a sign from God that theres a Thanksgiving coming up… (and I don’t mean the holiday!)

~ It has been a really long time that I have been in this much of a great mood… Its kinda scarey… I am almost waiting for the other shoe to drop….

~ My focus has shifted more towards God!

~ I am a very emotional being…  my heart is in everything that I do…  and I get hurt super easily… and I wouldn’t have it any other way!!

~ I am starting to think that my dog… thinks he’s my man!!  Its hilarious. When he sees another man around me.. he gets all possessive.. not in a mean way.. but he’s always got a paw on me… or is giving me kisses or hugs…  its adorable.

~ I am such a procrastinator.. I have so much homework that I need to do by Tuesday!!  Ugh.

~ God has seriously blessed me with some of the greatest friends!!! 

~ That too many people in this world assume things… and end up wrong…  maybe instead of assuming something in the first place.. ask and find out the truth… then if you still don’t believe it.. then go ahead and assume… but ask first!

~ That people have too much free time and have too many insecurities… just because a man and woman are friends doesn’t mean that there is or ever will be anything more going on.

Thank you for following my blog.. and my crazy insane life and thoughts!!!  I am truly blessed to have such wonderful followers in my life!!! Thank you!!!!

I am planning on getting The Traveling Notebook out to the first person this weekend…  Tweet me or email me to remind me that I need to do that- my brain has seriously been lacking memory power lately!!  

Have a great weekend ya’ll!!

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Thursday, March 24, 2011

God is in my life

I have seen the Lord working in my life this week… It’s been mind boggling to say the least…   I have always wanted to see the Lord.. and I a have moments where I feel his presence or where I see something that I can say yea… that was becaue of God… but this week seriously has blow me away…  

This past weekend I was given something that I have wanted for a while now…  but once I got it, it wasn’t what I wanted anymore. It made me realize that this isn’t my life.. This is God’s life and I need to live it for him and not for my selfish wants.  Sunday night/Monday morning while laying in bed I felt the Lord urging me to start a New Believer’s Bible Study group.    So I am now in the process of doing that.  I am scared.

This group is going to be great!!  For me and hopefully for everyone that comes!  I am scared to death.  I am scared to lead a group of people. I am scared of failure. I am scared period.  But I know this is something that I can and WILL do. I know the Lord is pushing me to get over my own insecurities.. my own walls that I have built up to do better for HIM.   I know this is where my Lord is wanting me to go.

So if anyone has any advice on doing this… books I should get… anything… I would really appreciate it because I am not really sure where to even start!!  J

I have seen and felt God so much this week… I am seriously still in awe over it.  He is working in my life… In ways I never would have thought. Showing so many things. For the first time ever I was able to do something that I never even thought about doing before.. and didn’t realize it till after I did it… with out God I wouldn’t be where I am now!!!  

Thank you Lord for all the blessing you have giving me… please continue to guide me and show me your presence in my life Lord… with out you I would be nothing.

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Love this Song!! JJ Heller- Love Me

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, "Dear God won't you please...
Could you send someone here who will love me?"

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman whose husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would've stayed
And she says...
[ Lyrics from: ]
Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
'Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
"Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home"

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
"I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen, I'll tell you that I..."

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

More lyrics:

From LYRICSMODE.COM lyrics archive
Lyrics | JJ Heller lyrics - Love Me lyrics

I am not perfect

I hate when people tell me that I think I am perfect!  I am far from perfect… I could give you a whole long list of all the ways I am so not perfect… and honestly I will be the first one to tell you how I am not perfect. 

I lost my virginity at 13 years old!! To a boy that never spoke to me again after that day… oh and he stole my pager that same day!

I hated school… I would fake sickness, headaches, cramps, whatever I could to miss school.  And make my mom late for work and stress her out.

I cheated on my ex husband. 

I hurt him beyond words (my ex-husband)  and I divorsed him because I was selfish and I wasn’t willing to try and make it work… It was easier to just walk away.

I wasn’t a good mom when I was going thru my divorce. I was very selfish then.

I have slept too easily with too many people.

I have lied.

I have hurt people.

I have done wrong.

But I know what I did… I try hard not to do those things again. I don’t think I am better than any one else…  and I sure don’t think I am perfect…

I am learning from my mistakes… I am trying to do better by them.. and if in someones eyes that makes me perfect.. than thank you for the compliment, but I am far from it.
I just want the best for me… and the best for my family.  I am not going to settle for anything less then the best.  


God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Monday, March 21, 2011

30 Days of Me/Truths Day 8

It’s been awhile since I have done one of these posts…  but I figured I’ll do one today… and maybe keep up with it again… and maybe not. Lol.

 Day 8: Someone who has made your life hell or treated you like poopy

Well there really is only one person that I could say this could be…  I have dated a lot of idiots, some jerks and a few assholes (excuse the language- but sometimes it fits too well).   I have learned so much from all of these men that I am thankful that I went thru those relationships… but there is one relationship that I can say was the worst… and it changed me forever.

I won’t give out any names…  I am just going to refer to him on here at the EX.  

We met about 5years ago…  I was just finishing up with my divorse. He was still married.  I wasn’t interested at all what so ever.  I didn’t want a relationship. I didn’t want that drama. I was all about me. That was is.  I had my friends… that was all I needed.  But the EX kept persueing me…  and I told him no. He was married. No. I didn’t want a relationship. NO NO NO… and he kept on… and I fell in love with him even though I didn’t want to…   I believed all the lines he gave me… He was wanting a divorce from his wife… he just didn’t have the money right now because he was laid off. He was still living with her because she needed help with her kids.  They slept in different rooms of the house… they don’t interact with each other… they stay separate. She was dating other people and she knew he was too.  I became the other woman.  He got a job in December and with his first paycheck he moved out of his wifes house and into a motel/apartment.  We got closer and I was so in love. So so in love.  Things moved quick after that.  I bought a house and by Feb 5 we had moved in… I also found out I was prego.  Feb 25 I had a miscarriage (I believe)… and March 13 I conceived my daughter.  (theres some iffy things that we are not sure about the miscarriage and all that.. but that’s for another blog post).  We had our first big fight in Feb.. and then another and another… but I stayed.  I was bound and determined to make THIS relationship work. It was my fault that my marriage broke up in my mind… and in everyone elses… so I had to prove to everyone I could make a relationship work… and I was in love.  The EX sent me emails telling me how much he loved me… how he would never hurt me… how great I was for him… how he’s never loved anyone like me..EVER.. how he would never leave me…  these were also in between the emails and text messages asking me if I was going to leave him… if I was going to cheat on him… who did I talk to that day…  who tried to get with me… I blocked out all my friends especially my guy friends so the EX wouldn’t think I would leave. I wanted to make him happy… I wanted to make him secure… but that would never happen.. I would never be good enough in his mind.  My family hated him for many reasons… and me and the EX faught about that all the time. He didn’t like me going over there because he figured I would leave him for them.  I promised him I never would do that. I would be with him forever. I loved him more than anything.  He was the man I always dreamed of…  I was delusional at times. Lol.  Farther and farther along in the relationship things just went down hill…  He lost his job. So everything was on me. I was working full time… raising my son… and carrying my daughter.  I would come home and cook him dinner.  Clean up around the house… do his hair… if I had a craving- I had to go to the store to get it… or he would go with me… but I had to go in.   He would stay up till 4 or 5am watching tv… I would come out of the bedroom and he would be asleep on the couch. I would wake him up and tell him to come to bed with me… He said he wasn’t tired and wasn’t sleeping… 5 minutes later he would be snoring again.  All I wanted was him to hold me.. to love me…  If I went to go kiss him- He would push me away… He said he was just playing with me but it hurt so bad.  I would beg him to make love to me… He wouldn’t be in the mood, he’d have a headache, always something.  Then we would have a great few days- He would love me the way I dreamed of being loved. I would be so happy.  I would fall in love with him all over again.   There were more days though where I cried myself to sleep. I just wanted to be loved. But he didn’t know how.  One hot summer Sunday… we got into a really bad fight. I was still prego with our daughter…  it was a bad fight… in your face type of fight.  I smacked him in the face… He pushed me down and ended up hitting me.  He of course apologized. He was soo soo sorry. He loved me so much . He swore he would never do that again. And he didn’t.  He knew I wouldn’t be as forgiving the next time.   We got better… then worse. Our daughter was born and things were perfect again.. for a few weeks.  Months went by, He still wasn’t working.  I was in debt. I couldn’t pay my bills and then he got a job!!!   We still had our issues.  We still faught all the time. I still felt worthless at times…  and then he left.   He moved in with his ex wife.  That lasted 3 days and he was calling me telling me he loved me, he wanted it to work.  I told him he had to get his own place. I loved him too much for it to be over.   
A month later we did get back together… and everything was so wonderful.  I felt so loved. But it ended quickly. Maybe I was partly to blame for it because I was insecure. I was afraid we would go back to the way we were.  He started going out with new “friends” and lying to me about times and places and people…  then he just stopped talking to me.. for two week… I asked him what was going on- he said he needed time to think… I said it was over…  I was heart broken. I couldn’t eat. I lost 15lbs… I was a mess. My friends and family got me thru it…  I met someone else… and moved on.. a little bit.  And the EX came back.. though he never really left I guess since we had a daughter together.   He promised me the world… he loved me more than anything. He made a mistake by leaving me. He wanted his family back. He wanted me. He wanted us. He would do whatever it took.  I didn’t believe him… the guy I was dating at the time and I split… and I was alone again…  His words became more and more believeable every time he spoke.. and I said ok.  And he said good bye.  I moved on again… I became saved….  A few months later… the same thing… promised me the world… and then walked aways… for 3 years!!!!  3 YEARS!!  I have given him chances to break my heart, to walk aways from his family…  The last time was over a year ago. I just broke up with the guy I was dating… The EX promised me this time was different. He would do whateer it took. Anything and Everything I wanted…  He wanted his family back. He realized how much he messed up… He grew so much and was at a better place in his life.  I said ok. I wanted us to go to counseling with my pastor. I emailed my pastor and he said sure but The EX had to call him to set it up. He was the man. He was the leader of the household. He had to show he wanted it just as much as me…  I told the EX that… and he got mad. And said no… but still wanted me back.  I said he had to call.  He kept telling me he would… he would.. he would…  a month later I asked when.. he would say today. Tomorrow. Later… always some other time that never seemed to come. I gave him a dead line.  New Years Eve. Midnight. My most dreaded holiday. If I was worth it to him… he would do what it took….

I wasn’t worth it. 

And yet a year later, he is still trying. Still telling me all the lines to try and lure me back in. but now I know… my heart has hardend some towards him… and I can’t make those same mistakes again. And he doesn’t get it. I am not sure he ever will.  There is one thing I want from that man… and he can’t even give that to me… and sadly it not me that suffers because of it. L. I do love him.  I will always to a point and I will probably always be the one person he can count on for help… but to a point.  I need to worry about me and my family. I need to protect myself from that hurt… that insanity.  The wall needs to stay up towards him… otherwise I can not be the mother, friend, and eventually wife that the Lord has meant for me to be.

I have forgiven him for the pain, the hurt, and emotional abuse this man has caused me… but I can’t forget those feelings… I can’t just pretend it didn’t happen…  It still hurts to this day…  I have a hard time writing this with out tearing up…  My I have God by myside holding me close telling me I will be better…I will move on…  this will make me that much more of a better person… more to the person HE wants me to be…. Not what my EX wants me to be.

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Sunday, March 20, 2011

too many toughts

I am sittng here typing this up from my lap i will apologize in advace for any mis-spelling or errors.. as much as i love my laptop.. half the time it doesn't realize the letters i type in.

I am sittng here inside typing this my kids  just came in and now are siting next to me making all kinds of noise and i can't concentrate! lol oye

I am a mix of feelings today..  too many things going thru my head and my heart.  I know I just have to be patient and wait on God for a lot of things... well no.. I have to wait on him for everything.  I know the things go thru now will make me a better person in the futue.. I need to keep focusing on that and not myself and my selfish wants and desires... I need to focus on God.  I need to focus on God.. I need to focus on God. I need to get my life back on track to the way it needs to be... I need do for the Lord more than I need to do for myself... 

But unfortunately that is easier said than done... Unfortunately I am only a meer human and no where near perfections. I am weak minded and easily led astray.
I can not take back what I have done nor what i have said... all I can do is learn from it and move on and try and not do those sam mistakes again.  I need to think of all the consequences before I do so say something. 

Now I am off to do homework and maybe write more on here again as I have more thoughts...
Have a great Sunday!!!

God bless you all!!

Overthinking Mama

Friday, March 18, 2011

Realization Friday

 Its Friday!!! I have kinda slacked on my posting this week... I will try and make it up next. Its just been a crazy week!! :-)   

I’ve Come To Realize:

~     That I can not do this life alone… I need God.

~     That He is amazing in the ways he works in my life and in others.

~     That I feel like I am called for something… I just need to figure out what.

~     This has been an odd week…  My TV crapped out on me.. my phone crapped out on me… but I have survived… and I realize how blessed I truly am J

~     That I make some stupid mistakes at times!

~      That sometimes I need a sick day to be a better person and a better employee.

~     I really need to learn patience…  Good things come to those who wait!

~     That there are some really interesting people out there… really interesting.. but like my daddy always said: “it takes all kinds to make the world go round”

~     That I have the best mom in the world.

~     That I need a man that can help take care of me… not just me taking care of him. Its gotta be mutual.

~     That people like to jump to the wrong conclusion about things…  but in the end its their loss. If they would stop and ask and find out the truth…instead of assuming everything, things would be a whole lot better.

~     My friends amaze me. I really didn’t think as many people would show up for my birthday as they did. I was awestruck. Just like I was last year. Most of these people I only see once or twice a year… but I really feel blessed that they think enough of me and my birthday to make sure that they make it out for it J

~     guys say alot of things to get what they want. but i used to have a hard time believing what girls say...hence, it is more a trust issue... once we get with someone that is trustworthy, the trust issues seem to fade...

And another week is down…  we are closer and closer to warm weather J

Don’t forget to send me your realizations to post up for next week J

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Wordless Wednesdays-8

it tickled

and hurt a lil bit

tried to just zone out

all done

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Friday, March 11, 2011

Realization Friday

Happy Friday Ya’ll!!! 

Realization Time!!

I’ve come to realize this week:

~     That my memory kinda sucks.

~     Snow sucks

~     That I am really blessed… I am sitting here focusing on my life.. and the snow, the cold, the driving, winter, etc.  And I read on twitter about the earth quake in Japan and the tsunami that is going to hit Hawaii and California and I realize how lucky I truly am. I could be so much worse off in a lot of things in life and instead of sitting here focusing on the negativity in my life and what I don’t have or don’t want to deal with, I need to remember all the positive things I do have and there are so many others out there that are struggling with things 100x worse than what I deal with and you probably don’t hear them complaining as much as I or a lot of people do. Its just life… You deal with it and you move on. I was reading Jeremiah last night (in the bible) and the passage I read talked about sometimes when life is so hard and you feel like God isn’t there, He is and he is helping you along and making you stronger and making your faith in him stronger. Its during the hard times that we really get to know ourselves and get to know our Lord. So don’t complain about the horrible situation that you are in… find the good in it and know that the Lord loves you and is with you thru it all.

~     That we all need to pray today… for the people in Japan, Hawaii, California, and especially our neighbors.

 God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Thursday, March 10, 2011

My birthday

I feel brain dead today, so I'm just posting pics from yesterday. Hopefully my brain will work tomorrow.

God bless

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

i don't like mornings.

I wanted to do my  Project 31 post… or even the 30 days of me… since I have seriously slacked on both of them… but I don’t know.  I am exhausted this morning… I so just want to go back to bed. Neither child was in the greatest mood this morning. Baby girl was crabby and didn’t want to do anything cept lay in bed. Lil Man wanted to argue about everything… so it didn’t make for a great morning…  and I am tired.. I have been having some wild and crazy dreams lately… I don’t really remember what all of them are about, just that they are some vivid odd dreams… and they wake me up but not in a bad way.

I know its only been a month since I have been single… but I am frustrated. I need to quit “looking” for someone.. even tho I really don’t know how… I am going to try. I give up. I am done.  If I meet someone I do. If not. Eh. I guess Ill keep on living. I am just tired of it all.

I got Ramen noodles from Aldi’s last night… its like 12 packs for $1.49… but omg they are so much more salty than the regular stores Ramen Noodles. (I swear there is a difference). I have been craving them and I couldn’t even finish the whole bowl L. There went my breakfast. At least I have flavored creamer today!!

I am planning on working on a new site to sell gently worn clothes. I think I might do it thru wordpress.. because I already have like 3 blogs on blogger lol.  We shall see because I know absolutely nothing about Wordpress…  Any suggestions??  I will give more details when its up and running. J

Hope your Tuesday is better than mine… hopefully Ill pull out of this funk and write those posts I wanted to J

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Monday, March 7, 2011

weekend wrap up

The weekend was pretty good!! J Definetely went by way too quick!!! But then I guess it normally does! L

Friday night we did the normal routine- dinner with my mom, bro, and step dad. Then came home and watch movies. J I love these nights. 
My Lil Man also gave me my birthday gift ( a few days early). He bought me a book at the school book fair earlier that day! Aint he a sweet heart!? 

Saturday we all cleaned!!! The kids cleaned their rooms and me the rest of the house, which let me tell you was an absolute disaster!!  After we got it all done.. or mostly done I went and got us all some pizza. Which we all obviously were starving cuz there was only a piece left when we were done!! And my wonderful big headed dog jumped up on the counter and helped himself to that last slice!!  Ugh. After that we laid around and watched movies till it was time… to go to the movies.  I had bought 2 movies tickets on for $9 so we used them and my bff helped me out and bought the 3rd one. We met him and his son up at the theater and saw Rango.  It was cute, but I definitely thought it was going to be a lot better.   After that we came home and watch another movie and I made a scarf for my daughter. She loved it. And now Lil Man wants me to make him one too! J 

Sunday we went to church and then up to visit my step mom. She was super happy to see us… especially the kids!  We hung out there for a hour or two and then headed home.  We ate lunch and you guessed it… watched a movie. I fell asleep on the couch and kids were so great… they let me sleep and played so wonderfully together!!!  The spirit of God was definitely with that because that rarely ever happens. Normally they fight like cats n dogs. So it was really nice to hear them be loving to each other!!  In the evening I dropped them off at my moms for dinner and me and my bff headed to the improve for a comedy show.  It was a lot of fun!! 

Hope your weekend was just as fun!!! J

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Friday, March 4, 2011

The man I want...

Since I have become recently single I have been doing a lot of thought about what kinda guy I want as a potential husband/my husband.   

So theses are some of the things that I have come up with J

First and foremost. A Chirstian.  I don’t want a guy that says “Yea I am a Christian.” But that’s where it ends. I want him to love God. To have a relationship with him.  I want us to be able to go to church together, to have bible study, to pray together.  I consider myself a new Christian. I have been saved for about 3 years now… got baptized 2 years ago.   Ive come to realize tho that I need a Christian man. The last couple guys I have dated weren’t Christian. And even tho they didn’t do anything to hinder my relationship with God. It did change. My focus was on the relationship I was having with the man at the time and not the relationship I had with God.  It wore me down. I didn’t feel good internally.  And when I realigned my focus… the relationship with the man seemed to faulter beucase I knew in my heart… it wouldn’t work. L So I don’t want to do that again. I want us to both have the focus on God first then our relationship.

He has to be good with Children. He has to want step kids ( I am a instant family… just as a man! Lol), He has to want kids of our own ( when I get married, I want at least one child together) and possibly also to adopt.  I feel this urge or calling to adopt. I guess I kinda want a large family. I didn’t really realize that till now. Lol.  I have a lot of love to give. J

My best friend.  I want a man that I can go to with anything and everything.  I am the type of person that I want to know everything about the person I am with… even the stupidest detail. Lol.   I believe that complete honesty is the foundation to a fully trustworthy relationship.  When you ask me how my day was… I want to be able to tell you everything about that day… and feel like you care and that you wont judge me or get angry with me.  if a girl trys to get your number, I want to know and vice versa… I want to be able to feel secure in the relationship. And I want the guy to feel secure too. I am a very honest person. I will tell you anything and everything about my life, even the parts I am not proud of. I will tell you, but I want the same in return… and if I feel like the guy hides things from me or doesn’t tell me everything, than I start to do the same… and then the relationship starts to go down hill.  Maybe I am asking for a lot in this part…  and maybe its because I have my own insecurities but I just am that interested in a person if we are together and I don’t want to feel “left out” of their life.  

I do not want a guy that drinks a lot or does any type of drugs.  I don’t want a guy that has to drink every day or smoke weed everyday to feel better about his day/life.  If you have to “hide” behind a substance to “eliminate” a problem… than I can’t deal with that.  I have before and its not a good feeling.  I don’t mind a guy who once in a while will go out have a couple beers/drinks but can be responsible about it, and its not an everyday all the time thing.   I like to have a beer, glass of wine or mixed drink from time to time.  After a long day, in a bubble bath, happy hour on Friday, or a night out … but its not something I need nor something that I have to have to be happy or content.

I want a man that loves me for me… not for who he wants me to be and vice versa. I don’t want to feel like I have to try and fix him or change him or whatnot… I want to love him for who is is… not what he can be…  I want to love him for what he could be too… but first love him for him and not expect or how he will change overtime…

I need a guy to be about where I am at in life.. as in have a good job. Be responsible.  I don’t want to have to support someone just like I don’t expect a man to support me and my kids (it would be nice.. but I don’t expect that)  It was a joke between my bff and myself.. that in order for us to date a man… he has to have a job, a car, a place to live, and his own cell phone.  Lol. because the last few guys we both had dated… lacked a few of those and we were the ones who made sure that they had it.  
We need to have the same ideas on money, life, raising children and our future.

Those are the things off the top of my head…  I analyze relationships and people and situations… and from my failed relationship I have learned more of who I am and who I want.  
I am being upfront and honest because I think that is best.  I have been thru too many situations where we both try and be the person who we think the other wants but slowly over time you turn into you and then you both end up disappointed and eventually hurt because it didn’t work the way you wanted it to.

I am tired of playing games. I am ready to settle down with the man that God has set aside for me. I know I have gone thru the relationship I have to be made ready for this man and I am sure vice versa… and I honestly can not wait to be in a relationship with that man J

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Realization Friday

One of my favorite days of the week!!! – Its Friday!!!!!! Yay!!!

Here’s the Realization! Thanks for sending some in! Please keep it up!!

I’ve come to realize:

~       I have a hard time believing what guys say

~       that once you cross that line, its hard to go back

~       that I blog more when I am depressed

~       I have no idea how to take a relationship slow

~       Boys sucks

~       that I got so sucked up in my past relationship that I forgot to do things for ME!

~       there is so much I want to do, but I don’t even know where to start

~       that I have a great Mommy!!!

~       that I need to focus on God more in everything in life.

Hope ya’ll have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend… I am planning on scheduling a few posts for this weekend… so make sure you come back J

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Thursday randomness

 have the urge to write this great and inspirational post… but I have no clue what about! Ha!!  So um. Yea…

Let’s see… whats going on in my lil crazy insane world.

My brain has felt like mush all week. I seriously have been making some stupid mistakes and saying some random off stuff.   And it really sucks because I had a test in Algebra on Tuesday… I feel like I did ok… but then again I felt I did ok on a quiz… and got a 55%!! Ugh.  So we shall see how that went… gulp. Tonight. 

The weather here has been crazy. Last Friday practiacally had a blizzard, was 50 on Sunday and we had a thunderstorm. This weeks been warmer and sometimes sunny. Lol. 

Monday 2/28- morning

2/28 morning

3/1 afternoon- 1st flowers!! almost spring!! 

3/2 evening- way home :) 

I have a lot on my mind as of lately. I think that’s part of why I can’t sleep and I have mush for brains.  This past month has been insane to say the least.  My boyfriend and I broke up. My step mom went into the hospital.  I had to take my ex in for surgery.  Realizing some people really like me, and realizing whom I really like. What can work and what can’t. That I am not getting back from my taxes what I was hoping and that I won’t be able to pay off what I wanted with it.  Feeling a lil overwhelmed by bills this month.  Last weekend had a party for my friend who started with Scentsy.  Been trying to help my dad some with cleaning and whatnot tho I haven’t been up to see my stepmom. (there just never seems to be enough time!)  I am just feeling slightly overwhelmed!  

I am really looking forward to next Wednesday… Its my birthday!!!!  Ill be 21!! Lol. sike. Ill be 29. And I am loving it. Most of my friends are freaking out because omg we are getting older!! But ya know what. I wouldn’t want to go back to any of my ages. I know so much more now, my brain thinks better, I am at a better place emotionally, physically, spirituatlly, etc… than I have ever been at any other age!  I don’t want to be one of those people who are constantly freaking out cuz they are old.  I already have grey hairs and I notice every single wrinkle! Lol.  But I am happy with the age I am at.

Anywho… Happy Thursday all!!!  Tomorrow’s realization Friday… send me your realizations!!

Oh.. and one more thing… I am thinking about starting a website selling gently used clothing.   I have so many clothes that I don’t want to just throw out so I wanted to maybe try and sell. But I don’t want to do the whole ebay thing- I am cheap and don’t want to spend the money. So I tried looking around for a site similar to ebay but just for clothing and I couldn’t find anything. So I thought well maybe Ill do my own. J  I don’t have details of everything yet… but I think it would be cool. And I would let everyone post their clothing on there too to sell.  Let me know if you think this is a good idea or just another one of my outer space ideas! Lol.

God Bless!
Overthinking Mama