Tuesday, October 2, 2012

day by day

The other night at church STEPS classes, I was asked what are my goals.  
I had no answer. Right now I don't know what my goals are.  I pretty much go day by day. 

I was asked 5yrs ago, what my 5year goals were.  I told the person that in 5years I wanted to be married, possibly having another child or two, to go back to school and hopefully only having to work part time.  NONE of that is happening right now.  
True- I did go to school for a year.. but I am not now.  I just am. 

Right now, I am seriously living day by day. No goals for the future. No plans. just living. 
I want to say in 5years, Ill have all the goals accomplished that I had 5 years ago... but honestly I really don't know.  

I feel like this past year, I am trying to just survive.  Survive day by day.  
I have been fighting a deep depression this year... since about April/May somewhere in there. 
I have always dealt with depression, since I was about 15. This year though, it seems even stronger... even harder to fight against.  I tried anti-depressants for a few months and honestly, they made me so exhausted all the time. I had no energy to do anything.  So right now I am just kinda wondering which would be better... exhausted but not wanting to cry all the time... or wanting to cry all the time but more energy to do most of what needs done?!  UGH!! 

My only solaces are MY LORD, know He is with me. He is getting me through everything. And, that hopefully tomorrow will be better.  After a good nights sleep, my mood will be better tomorrow. Sometimes it is, sometimes its not.  But then there's always the hope for tomorrow. :-) 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

1 comment:

  1. Maybe you were on the wrong medication and the medication or dosage needs to be adjusted. I know when I was on them it took trying 3 different ones and mutlitple dosage changes before I finally got the right one!

    As far as goals...Although I have accomplished some, I gave up on most of them long time ago.

    But don't give up! And don't be so hard on yourself. Let things happen naturally.

    I will say a prayer to God to guide you and give you strength to move forward. You are such a sweet person.


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