Friday, November 30, 2012


I just read a devotional on proverbs 31 ministries. It was about a woman who prayed for deliverance from the pain she was dealing with, with fibromyalgia... and I sat here and thought.. have I prayed, truly prayed for deliverance from the depression that I feel, the tiredness, the worthlessness that I can feel from time to time.. I have prayed. and for days, weeks, and even months, I will be fine.. but sometimes I will just wake up and boom... its there. So does that mean I am not praying right? That God doesnt love me? That He doesnt care about me??  No. I am a princess in his eyes.. He loves me unconditionally.. I just think the trials I have to go thru today, will make me into the woman God sees me being.

Also as I say here I realized... I have wrote anything really personal on here lately.. in a while actually.  I talk about my feelings.. my emotional struggles.. but lately I don't think I have been writing about all of the deep struggles that I go thru. Maybe its because the last guy I "dated" thought I was crazy and stupid and didnt understand why I would put my life out there for anyone and everyone to see... and to a point I really didnt know too too well to explain it to him.. but I guess its just a way for me to get my thoughts out there and maybe, hopefully I will be able to show someone that they are not alone in the struggles that they go thru or maybe I am not alone either. 

Lately I have been struggling with Lil Man.  He hasn't been doing very well in school.  Hasn't been turning homework in.. and at times wasn't doing it and lying to me about it.  So for the last month or so, I have been picking him up from school, walking with him back into his classroom and making sure that he has everything that he needs. Double checking his homework  every night and any tests that he gets a low grade on, I make him redo at home. I am planning on getting him tested for add/adhd and also getting him tutoring after school. My ex-husband called and suggested that if he continues to struggle and/or fail that he would like him to come live there with him and go to school there because he will be home with him and would be able to help with homework right after school and it would be better for Lil Man to have a mom and dad both available.  My exhusband is remarried. I am not. I am a single mom working full time to give my kids what they have. I help Lil Man with his homework. My mom or my step dad are with him right afterschool till I get home from work and help him with his homework.  This really upset me. Why am I not good enough??  Why would he do better there just because he has a dad and a stepmom??  This really had me down and made me feel like I wasn't good enough... just because I was a single parent.
So that is what I am struggling with right now.  But I know it will turn out alright and we will get thru all of this!!  I have faith!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

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