Today I woke up feeling empty. Alone.
I want to stay in bed.
I want to sleep the day away.
but I get up and get moving anyway.
Get the kids some pancakes, remind them that we have church in a hour and half.
Then I sit down for some "God Time"... and I realize this is something I normally don't do on Sunday's. I go to church on Sunday's. That's my God time.
Apparently God has another idea on that! lol. So here I am on my computer... listening to beautiful worship music... reading devotionals.. and now blogging. again not really with anything in particular that I want to say.
I had a jewelry party last night. I also has one of my close friends bring purses that she sells so that I could help her out with that.. and also maybe get me a free purse. The party was good.. tho I was hoping for it to go better. But I can't complain over all.. tho I am stuck on the negative part of it... I didn't do as good as I had at other parties. :-( But it is what it is.
That issues that I had this past week.. that is weighing heavy on heart is still there. I am still paranoid about it... waiting for the next big huge thing to happen. Every knock on the door... every car that drives past... I sit expecting something. I still don't want to go into details. But I hate not knowing what to expect. I know God is with me thru all of this. I know he's right here holding my hand and I hate that I still worry... How do I not worry?? How do I completely just let it all go?? I have moments where I do.. moments where I feel that burden lifted off my shoulders.. but then other times.. I feel so heavy with it, just want to sleep.
Wednesday as I was leaving my single parents workshop at church I felt so alone. I just wanted someone to hold me. Just be there waiting for me when I got home. I prayed all the way to the car... prayed when I got in the car.. turned the worship music on and I started to feel better... I didnt feel so alone... I felt God right there with me. Telling me he loves me. He is here. He also spoke to my heart about a few other things which I have since done. It was amazing feeling him there... Hearing him speak to me.
Even with this being a horrible stressful week... I have felt God right here. Felt his love and his grace right here in my life... things I read- books, facebook, blogs... because of the week I had, it hits home for me.. I have broken down and cried more this week over something I read or something I watched, than I had in a long time. God is amazing.
He whispered this passage to me this morning as I was looking up something else:
Colossians 2:4 I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by find sounding arguments.
He is with me. He is guiding me. He loves me
Blessings N Love