Saturday, April 22, 2017

Taking Control of my Happiness

I have decided to take life my horns and make it better. 

I am tired of being tired and depressed all the time. 

In a way... my dad passing was a bit of a wake up call. He was too young. I know he was in pain and I am sure it was a relief to him when it was over.  But still.  

It made me stop and really take a look at his life and mine. He was always in pain. He had heart problems. He had diabetes. He had scorisis. He had drop foot and had ligaments in his ankle that were deteriorating so he had to always wear this space boot looking thing. He had back issues and always had to be on some kind of pain meds.  He had arthritis every where. lol  

I don't want that to be me one day. I don't want to be in that much pain. 

So back in January I started seeing a counselor/therapist.  He is amazing. He is almost as old as my dad and is in amazing shape. He is an inspiration!  

So in the last few months I have been trying to better myself. 
I have started going to the gym. - not as often as I would like or as I should but hey... I am going. 
I gave up meat for lent. - not just on fridays but everyday. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. I started eating it again this week. And I am just whatever about it. lol
I am trying to cut back and eventually give up carbs and sugars. This is going to be a very hard one for me. I love my breads, pastas, potatoes and chocolate!  
I am going to eliminate soda. I had gave that up for lent also- which was harder than the meat!! I have had some this week. But I really need to not. 
I am trying to have a different mindset with myself and my life. 

I need to focus on the good things in my life. I am in good health. I have a great family. I have a couple of good jobs. My animals love me. My kids love me. My husband loves me. and My family loves me.  
I need to learn to do what I can. Everything doesn't need to be perfect. My house always doesn't have to be spotless. It doesn't mean that I am any less of a person or woman or wife or mother. It is what it is. I do the best I can, and if its not good enough for someone- oh well! 
thinks I am wonderfully made- He Made Me!! 

I have felt a calling to help lead worship at the churches I have gone to... But my fear of being in front of people always held me back... but I never lost that calling... So I offered myself to the church I work for to lead a contemporary worship service one sunday a month. I am scared to death. But I will be ok. It will work out alright.. even if I make a complete fool of myself. I will be ok.  

I also went yesterday and signed up for classes at the community college!! And I actually have a plan and a goal. I am first going for a bookkeeping certificate and then will go for my associates in accounting!  I am excited and scared. But I can do it. I need to do it. I need to better myself. 

So yea... that is what is going on right now. I am going to make myself better. My life better. I want my  kids to look at their mom and not just see a crabby exhausted mom all the time. I want to them look up to me. I want to be an inspiration and motivator to my kids.  

Wish me luck and say a prayer for me.  

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

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