Thursday, September 23, 2010

Story Time Thursday- 1/B

I decided to tell a new story...  A story of a New Love. A Fated Love...  hope you enjoy the first part... 

It was January. So cold outside. One of the coldest winters already, or at least it seemed like it to me. I was cold. I was heartbroken. I felt worthless, hell maybe it was true. I couldn’t keep a decent relationship for more than a few months. And to top it all off, the man that held my heart for so long, the one man that I couldn’t seem to get over completely, once again, just made me feel even more worthless. On the upside, I was on my way to New Orleans for my sister’s wedding. I was so excited. I had been looking forward to this weekend for so long. No kids, NO job, and hopefully No issues. I was really looking forward to this break. I really needed it. 
I got in late on Thursday. My other sister Julie was waiting for me at the hotel. I was so thankful for that. Our sister that was getting married, Maria, was already out on Bourbon Street. It was the night of her bachlorette party!  I was anxious about it. I didn’t want to have to try and find everyone in a different city and all the bars and craziness that goes on, on Bourbon Street. I was also really looking forward to this. I hadn’t been out in a long time. At least 3 or 4 months that I can remember. I wanted to get out, let loose, drink, dance, and just be free for a few hours. 
I needed to be free. The last few months had been… well heart breaking to say the least.  I gave my love another chance. My daughters father.. whom I should have known better. I should have know he was all just bull shit. Just talk. But a part of me hope… Hoped for the 4th time that it wasn’t b.s. that it was true. He promised he would do right by me.. He promised he would be a father to our daughter. He promised he wouldn’t leave again. I was his heart. I should have known. A few months prior I fell into the lines he gave. Fell back into those thoughts of love… a true love, or so he said. The only thing I asked of him was to call my pastor, who I had already asked, to set up counseling sessions… He kept putting it off… Finally 2 months later I told him, he had till New Years.. then I was walking away for good… I had to. He would lose me forever… New Years came and went, and I realized how I wasn’t worth it to him. His family wasn’t worth it.  I wasn’t worth it.  I felt so small. So worthless. So much like nothing.  But I survived. 

1 comment:

  1. I have been reading your stories and this one touched my heart. I know that feeling of worthlessness because a man couldn't do only one thing import for our marraiage and to hang on to me. He didn't. But like you I survived. We're strong! You'll find'll just come to you like mine did.


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