This has been a post that has been weighing on my heart to write.. I just never was able to get it from my brain to my finger tips... I am going to attempt to do that today. Hopefully even with all of the distractions I can get this out..and it be understandable to you. :-)
I am a Christian. I was saved about 2years ago. I still remember the night perfectly. I am not going to go into it on this post.. You can read about it here. (at least I think thats the right link). The thing I struggle most with... What makes a Christian a Christian? or at least a good Christian. Is there a check list or something that you can go through and see what the requirements are? Do you have to be saved? Do you have to just believe in Jesus as our Saviour? Do you have to pray? Do you have to read the bible, go to church, not cuss, drink, no pre-marital sex, no dirty thoughts etc...
What can you do and not do as a Christian? Is there a right way or a wrong way?
As you probably know from reading my posts... I over think EVERYTHING. This is no different.. I over analyze myself.. my thoughts.. my actions.. and sometimes those of others... and sadly sometimes I do judge others too... Like if I see a person who claims they are a Christian, go into a bar and have a drink... I think to myself.. yea they can't be a Christian and drink!!! but wait.. I do that. Or they smoke weed or do any other various drugs.. they can't be a Christian. Or they are living with someone and aint married... Or they swear non-stop.. ok. you get the idea... And I am sure other Christian's judge me too based on what I do or say on if I am a "real" Christian or not.
I guess my biggest thing is... deep down I believe I am a Christian.. yea.. I do a lot of things that on the outside don't look very "Christian" to some... but does that really mean Im not? And one of my fears is that... just becuase I believe I am a Christian.. does that really mean I am? Am I saved?
I know my mom would say that its the Devil making me feel this way... and maybe it is.. but it is still a concern I have.. and I am sure that there is others out there that think the same way.
I guess all I can do is be.. I love the Lord, whole heart and soul... Yea, in the last few months my close relationship with Him has taken a side seat to life. But I want to do better... I have a plan set up and I will get back to the closeness that I had with Him. I am sure that I will always have doubts about myself... as I do in every aspect of my life... but I know my heart. and I guess that is all that matters...