Tuesday, November 9, 2010

a battle within

I have had this internal battle with in me for almost a year now… and I am not really sure exactly how to handle it.
I haven’t been to church since I think maybe Easter.. Maybe one after that, but I don’t think more than once.  And I am not really sure why.
I am sure the people closest to me have their own opinions on why… but inside my head, I am confused to the reason.
All week long, I say on Sunday I am going to church. I am going. I am going. I am going. But I don’t have the passion to go. I miss having that passion, that desire. But I don’t have it. By the time Sunday comes… I just don’t feel like going.
Some may say it’s the devil holding me back.. and maybe it is. But how do I get the devils hands off of me??!! 
I’ve prayed for it and I will keep praying because it’s the only thing to do.
Maybe it’s because I am in need of a different church?  I love my church. Everyone there is nice. The pastors are great. But I dunno. As much as I do love it, sometimes when I was there, I felt out of place.
Now don’t by any means think that I am not a spiritual person. I believe in Jesus, whole heart and soul. I am born again, been re-baptized a couple years ago, I pray all the time, I talk to God and feel very close to Him. Maybe more so now than I have in a while. J 
I have been trying to do Holy Yoga or Christian Yoga every morning.  Its yoga with Christ at the center of it.  While doing the positions, or while meditating, you pray, you listen, and you open your heart your mind and your soul up to receive the Holy Spirit. It is amazing.  I try to do it everyday, but honestly some days I am just so tired and worn out, the bed gets the best of me that day. But I still have a passion to do this. I have a desire to do this.  I love doing this.  Why can’t I feel like that about going to church?!

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

No comments:

Post a Comment

Let me know what you think... good, bad, and the downright ugly...