Monday, November 22, 2010


I am not married and do not have any actual step kids of my own. But I do have a few girls that I consider like my own. Of course my BF's daughter Brianna (8) and then there's my daughter’s father and I were together for 1 1/2years. He has 3 other daughter’s beside ours and two of them I feel in my heart a strong connection to. Brianna (10) and Arianna (7). Brianna lives in another state with her grandmother and family there and Arianna now lives in another state but used to live here in Ohio with me.  When Arianna was here, her father and I while together would get her every other weekend. She was like a daughter to me and even after her father and I split, I would still go and get her on the weekends to make sure that her and my daughter had a good relationship.  I have also tried to stay in contact with Brianna over the years for this same reason and even when down to see her a few months back so she could meet my daughter (now 3).  To me, when you have a step child especially if you have your own children, that stepchild should be treated just like your own. Not like its someone else child you are having to take care of, and definitely NOT like this is the child that you spouse or significant other had with ANOTHER woman, because truth be told, it’s not this childs fault that it is in the situation that it is in.
One thing that I really dislike is when the “stepchild” is left out of family functions. Ok I know sometimes it can’t be helped… but sometimes you can arrange things differently so that the child can be included.
A few years ago my ex- m-i-l met me at the mall because she wanted my son to get his pic taken with Santa. I was going out there anyway, so it was all good. She had my son’s brother and his stepsister with him…  we got up and she set all 3 kids up there with Santa and then after that was done, she wanted a pic with just her two grandson’s and Santa and made the little girl stand off to the side. I felt sorry for the little girl.  It was like she was just pushed aside because she wasn’t blood. My ex m-i-l said- well I want a picture of my Grandson’s incase my son and her mom split up.  Really??  There’s that wonderful positive feeling that I missed. *NOT*  I mean ok.. I get it.. She ain't blood and one day she may not be part of the family anymore… but what if she always is apart of the family? What if you want to remember that wonderful moment with her there?  Should she just been pushed aside?   I don’t know… maybe I just look at things differently… 
Like next weekend, I am planning on getting “family” pictures taken.  My boyfriend and his daughter will be here. I want them in the pictures with me. I planned on having all of us in one… then me and my kids, him and his daughter and then me and him in the pics and maybe one of all the kids.   
I just feel like, if you have a step child, they should be included as if they were your own.  Not to be pushed aside. If I was going to get family pics and my BF and I had a child… I would not get a pic with just me, him and our child esp. if his child was there… or I would not get a pic of just me, him, and MY children and not his.   I just don’t think its right.  But I guess maybe that is just me… 
I mean I did take my ex’s daughter every other weekend after we split and he had nothing to do with her.  And I did make sure that my ex’s other daughter and mother and sister met my daughter this past summer, even though he’s made NO effort to do anything like that… 
Maybe I am just different?

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

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