Friday, March 4, 2011

The man I want...

Since I have become recently single I have been doing a lot of thought about what kinda guy I want as a potential husband/my husband.   

So theses are some of the things that I have come up with J

First and foremost. A Chirstian.  I don’t want a guy that says “Yea I am a Christian.” But that’s where it ends. I want him to love God. To have a relationship with him.  I want us to be able to go to church together, to have bible study, to pray together.  I consider myself a new Christian. I have been saved for about 3 years now… got baptized 2 years ago.   Ive come to realize tho that I need a Christian man. The last couple guys I have dated weren’t Christian. And even tho they didn’t do anything to hinder my relationship with God. It did change. My focus was on the relationship I was having with the man at the time and not the relationship I had with God.  It wore me down. I didn’t feel good internally.  And when I realigned my focus… the relationship with the man seemed to faulter beucase I knew in my heart… it wouldn’t work. L So I don’t want to do that again. I want us to both have the focus on God first then our relationship.

He has to be good with Children. He has to want step kids ( I am a instant family… just as a man! Lol), He has to want kids of our own ( when I get married, I want at least one child together) and possibly also to adopt.  I feel this urge or calling to adopt. I guess I kinda want a large family. I didn’t really realize that till now. Lol.  I have a lot of love to give. J

My best friend.  I want a man that I can go to with anything and everything.  I am the type of person that I want to know everything about the person I am with… even the stupidest detail. Lol.   I believe that complete honesty is the foundation to a fully trustworthy relationship.  When you ask me how my day was… I want to be able to tell you everything about that day… and feel like you care and that you wont judge me or get angry with me.  if a girl trys to get your number, I want to know and vice versa… I want to be able to feel secure in the relationship. And I want the guy to feel secure too. I am a very honest person. I will tell you anything and everything about my life, even the parts I am not proud of. I will tell you, but I want the same in return… and if I feel like the guy hides things from me or doesn’t tell me everything, than I start to do the same… and then the relationship starts to go down hill.  Maybe I am asking for a lot in this part…  and maybe its because I have my own insecurities but I just am that interested in a person if we are together and I don’t want to feel “left out” of their life.  

I do not want a guy that drinks a lot or does any type of drugs.  I don’t want a guy that has to drink every day or smoke weed everyday to feel better about his day/life.  If you have to “hide” behind a substance to “eliminate” a problem… than I can’t deal with that.  I have before and its not a good feeling.  I don’t mind a guy who once in a while will go out have a couple beers/drinks but can be responsible about it, and its not an everyday all the time thing.   I like to have a beer, glass of wine or mixed drink from time to time.  After a long day, in a bubble bath, happy hour on Friday, or a night out … but its not something I need nor something that I have to have to be happy or content.

I want a man that loves me for me… not for who he wants me to be and vice versa. I don’t want to feel like I have to try and fix him or change him or whatnot… I want to love him for who is is… not what he can be…  I want to love him for what he could be too… but first love him for him and not expect or how he will change overtime…

I need a guy to be about where I am at in life.. as in have a good job. Be responsible.  I don’t want to have to support someone just like I don’t expect a man to support me and my kids (it would be nice.. but I don’t expect that)  It was a joke between my bff and myself.. that in order for us to date a man… he has to have a job, a car, a place to live, and his own cell phone.  Lol. because the last few guys we both had dated… lacked a few of those and we were the ones who made sure that they had it.  
We need to have the same ideas on money, life, raising children and our future.

Those are the things off the top of my head…  I analyze relationships and people and situations… and from my failed relationship I have learned more of who I am and who I want.  
I am being upfront and honest because I think that is best.  I have been thru too many situations where we both try and be the person who we think the other wants but slowly over time you turn into you and then you both end up disappointed and eventually hurt because it didn’t work the way you wanted it to.

I am tired of playing games. I am ready to settle down with the man that God has set aside for me. I know I have gone thru the relationship I have to be made ready for this man and I am sure vice versa… and I honestly can not wait to be in a relationship with that man J

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 


  1. You just described my husband to a tee, so I guess you will have to keep looking....he taken and way older anyway. lol! You will find that person. I believe God has the person matched before we are breathing our first breath. Hes out there! Loved everything you wrote!

  2. Great list girl-friend... looking forward to hearing how things turn out.. lets chat sometime...

  3. Great list... Just be patient. God will send him to you soon! :)

  4. I just stumbled onto your blog by another blog, can't remember which LOL.

    Take it from someone who knows. I divorced after 24 years of marriage and I went on what I called a "spree".

    Then one day, I finally caught my head and did a self analysis. I prayed for God to give me some kind of answer. I was impatient. I gave up. I swore off men and relationships. Then months later, I get an email from a site I had my profile on in ages. I was not optimistic but accepted a 'meet" date. Well, its been 3-1/2 years since we've been together.

    I learned never settle for less. I deserved better. You are on the right track. Stay on it! God is looking and he takes his sweet time :)

    Good Luck!


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