Well, In case you didn’t know… I have met someone!! YAY!!
I did the whole online dating site thing for a few months (from like Sept- Dec). Prayed A LOT about it and kinda left it into God’s hands. I went on some dates. Met some great guys. Met some crazy ones too. I didn’t let my heart nor my head control my choices and my emotions but I left all that up to God. I prayed for him to open my heart when the right man came along. So with all of those great guys (and thankfully the crazy ones too) , I didn’t really feel anything… I saw them in a different light. Saw their issues.. the red flags and because my heart wasn’t involved in it… I was able to make a rational choice and move on. The middle of December I decided I was done. I was done with the online dating thing and trying to meet someone. Again, I put that into God’s hands and let it be what it was. Right before I closed my account I received one more message. We both decided to exchange email addresses since it was easier for both us to communicate that way and then I closed my account. We emailed back and forth and I found myself very anxious to receive his emails. J (ooohhh!!!!). We finally exchanged phone numbers and haven’t stopped texting since.
It’s been almost two months since he first contacted me and I don’t think a day has gone by since, that we haven’t talked in some form. And here comes the tricky part… I am falling in love with him. And no that’s not the tricky part. The tricky part is me. And my head. I’ve kept my wall up for the past year so I wouldn’t be hurt… and the one and only time I put it down over the summer- I GOT HURT. Now my wall is down.. and I am so scared of being hurt. Scared that I am going to have all these strong emotions for this wonderful man… and he’s not going to feel the same. L
But in order to be able to fully be loved… I need that wall down and need to keep it down. Otherwise I won’t be able to feel the love that he does give me or be able to give anything in return. I will be more susceptible to be hurt… but I will also be more susceptible to feel something amazing.
So I am putting in all in God’s hands. Whatever happens will happen. I can’t dwell on the negative what ifs. If it doesn’t work out… then it doesn’t. I will have learned from it and will move on (tho I already know that if that happens.- Im done with dating. Lol) But if it does work out… this is going to be amazing.
God has a plan for us.
Blessings N Love