I have been sitting here thinking back on the past year of my life…. It has def. been up and down. I put that wall up around my heart just about this time last year.
It was Feb 12th that B and I split. Things were strained on us and the LD part of it was really hard, especially with EVERYTHING going on in my life. We didn’t end the greatest (via text message in the middle of an argument) but some how over the next few weeks we began talking again and are now at least friends. I had so much going on in my life at that time that I really didn’t have time to mourn over the loss of our relationship. My stepmom had fallen that day and we spent most of the day up at the hospital with her. The 14th my daughters father had surgery on his foot and I was the lucky one to take him for all of that and while he’s in surgery rush back to Lil Man’s school for his Valentine’s Day party. It was a very Long Day to say the least.
The next few months were bumpy to say the least. Well honestly the next almost year was bumpy. I met/ talked to a few guys…and got very hurt by one guy in particular, mainly because he was the one guy that I assumed would NEVER hurt me.
I found a new church that I abosultely love… but even still my spiritual motivation struggled and there was a few months I didn’t go to church at all. I still prayed all the time because honestly, I don’t think I could live with out praying. But I am just now in the last couple months getting back to where I want to be… and I know I have a long road ahead of me there but I know God is here with me guiding me along with that.
This past summer I partied a little too hard… I think mainly to avoid the lonely feelings that I constantly had. To try and make myself feel happy… but in reality it was all a lie. When it came down to it, I felt empty.
October came along and my step mom past away. I didn’t realize how hard it was on me. I backed away from almost everyone. I felt even more alone. But instead of turning to partying… I turned to focusing on my family and the very close few friends that I knew were there for me not matter what.
So hear I am now… trying to regroup and get my life to where I want it to be. So that is what this upcoming year is going to be all about. I need to stick thru it. Less partying it up… and more family time. I may lose some friends over this.. but in reality they aint the friends I need. I need to talk to an old friend from church one of these days soon and find out about our old bible study group and see if she’s still going. Sadly as much as I love my new church… going to the bible study groups is a little too much for me. Its far and with everything else in life… its just not the best option for me right now… and if she’s not going to that bible study anymore.. than I will find one.. some way some how.
I need to focus on the Lord more… I have been made to realize that even tho I say I am a Christian.. I am not living the way I should in a lot of aspect of my life… and I need to better myself with that. And that’s where I will be going with life in 2012. I have started reorganizing and decluttering my home… and next will be my daily routine and my head. I need to get myself and my family on some kind of schedule again. One we really haven’t been on for over a year and a half now. I need to be the parent my kids deserve.
Blessings N Love