I was reading in my devotional about marriage. I got married when I was 23 and divorced at
24. The marriage lasted a year, but we
were separated after 4 or 5 months. We had dated since I was 15. 8 years
together!!!! And I couldn’t even make a marriage work. I feel like a failure.
I didn’t even give our marriage a chance. It wasn’t the fairy tale I wanted. So I left.
I wasn’t receiving the attention I wanted from my husband. Wasn’t receiving the
feelings I wanted and when I started to get them from some one else, I gave up
everything for that. I wanted to go out and party and just have fun. I failed.
The next relationship I was in after my marriage, I was bound
and determined to make work. And I ended up staying in an emotionally abusive
relationship for a year and a half because I didn’t want to be that failure
again. It eventually ended but it took
me 4years after that to fully be able to remove my heart off of that man. We kept going back and forth to “see’ if it
would work. It never did and my heart got broke more times than I would ever
want to realize. But I will say this.
God used that brokenness to pull me to Him! With out that, I wouldn’t be saved.
I wouldn’t have the faith I have now!
Every relationship with a man has failed since my marriage. Every relationship I have walked away from.
Every relationship the Lord showed me what wasn’t right. And I walked away. And to a point I still feel like a
failure. I can’t make a simple
relationship work.
But in reality, I was taking the control of finding a mate into
my own hands and going against the intuitions that the Lord gave me and persued
something that I knew wouldn’t work.
I am learning I need to put God at the center of the
relationship. Which is really hard for me because I have NEVER had that in any relationship
that I have had. I never saw that in any
marriage I witnessed. I didn’t grow up in a home where God was the center of it
all. So its hard for me to know what to
do. But I am bound and determined to change that.
When it comes to marriage God needs to be in it. Period. And if he’s not. We will not survive.
I will not survive. I am realizing that more and more. Realizing the mistakes I
made in my previous marriage and past relationships. This time around, its all in God’s
hands.
As hard as it is and as much as I struggle with it, Its in God’s
hands. He will bring my husband into my life, When HE is ready. And even tho my
heart yearns to have someone, I have to keep my faith.
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
God definitely needs to be in the center of a relationship for it to work out. And I know God has amazing things in store for you! Just keep your focus on Him, and everything else will fall into place. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks sweetie!!
DeleteThe cool thing I have learned about God is that He always turns our mistakes into lessons that we benefit from...He doesn't condemn us for doing it our way...He loves us and teaches us to trust Him so we can let Him do it His way next time....I have never been married but I have been in your shoes with relationships going bad time after time...I learned for me, that I was searching for a love to complete me, make me whole and that would cause me to love myself in all the wrong places (meaning men) when this type of love only comes from Abba Father (God). So until I experienced His love for me through my daily intimate encounters with Him, was I made whole from the hurts of past "failed moments", was I found complete because His love filled all empty places within me...and it was His love for me that helped me love myself in such a way I was able to see my worth and value came not from a man's opinion of me or his affections...but in who God says I am and sees me..and how He loves me...now after many years after learning this...I am in a place that I don't have settle for relationships that are dead ends, will leave me hurt or even settle for a man who isn't God's best for me...I can love God and myself and be about fulfilling my destiny until God brings the man for me into my life...which will give me the opportunity to teach my daughter who is 7 years old the lesson I learned now so she doesn't have to go through what I did....she will learn it at an earlier age then I did...was it an easy lesson, no...did I mess up a time or two while learning it? You bet your buns on it hun! Giggle giggles but God was with me and He was patient and long suffering with me....He has been my best friend over the years and faithful every step of the way...so stay encouraged and continue to keep your eyes on Him and following His leading and you will indeed be able to say "He who finds a wife(you) finds a good thing!" because God knows the desire of your heart..and He will give it too you...and your marriage He has for you will do great things for Him.... so chin up and know God is on your side!
ReplyDeletewow! you comment brought tears to my eyes!! Thank you so much for the inspiration. Your uplifting words were exactly what I needed to hear today!! Thank you again!!! :-)
DeleteGod Bless!
Just found your blog. You seem like an amazing person and I like to believe that God wouldn't let an amazing person go to waste. He is probably searching for the perfect guy just for you!
ReplyDelete