rainy days

I love the days when the bosses aint here and we are all just relaxed and in no rush… I love when a good storm rolls up on us while at work.. and we all just stare out the windows watching it.

I have been struggling lately with trying to find myself.. figure out who exactly I am…  who I am supposed to be… 

I know first and foremost I am a Christian. Period… I see God in my life… and mostly I NEED God in my life.  But I struggle with that… with the fact that I am a Christian and I should live my life differently than everyone else…  but I am only me… only a human.  I mean I don’t go out and do anything wild and crazy… I don’t steal, cheat, lie, kill…  I like to have a beer or two on occasion and sometimes I have a few too many.  I have had children out of wedlock and sex before marriage…  I try and live right. But sometimes I wonder if how I am living is good enough.  I am not perfect and am very very very far from it.  But I have a heart for God and I guess that is what matters.   

I wonder at times if I will go heaven when I die…  by some standards I will.. by some I won’t. So who’s right? Who’s wrong?  I am learning more and more everyday… I don’t know.  I guess we will all find out when its time.   

I just try and live my life the best I can…  and there will always be someone who thinks I am doing it wrong… I need to learn that it don’t matter. I don’t pretend to be someone I am not… I am upfront and honest with whoever about whatever.   

I wish sometimes I didn’t think so much, but then I guess if I didn’t… I would have nothing to blog about. Lol.

It seems like this week everything is sad.. not so much me.. but everything I read.. from the news papers to different blogs…     Seems like there is a lot of death.  And it scares me.

Lil man should be coming home in a couple days.. I can’t wait to see him. I have missed him so much.

Happy Thursday Ya’ll

Blessings N love

Overthinking Mama