Thursday, December 30, 2010

depression and new years. they both suck


Maybe from my previous post thru out the past year or two you have come to know that I fight with depression.   

It’s been pretty good the last few months… Haven’t been too depressed. Ill have a day here or there where I feel down… but that’s about it and it’s normally because I haven’t got enough sleep from the night before.

Well this week, I am feeling depressed. And it’s strong. I don’t know if it’s because I am tired or if I am tired because of the depression… but I feel exhausted.   
One thing that I hate about being depressed is that I rarely know why.  I’m not depressed because I am alone/single. I am not depressed because it’s the holidays and I have recently or ever lost a loved one.
I mean when I am depressed I end up disliking where I am in life. That I haven’t’ accomplished more, that I am still not married, that I am still struggling with bills, kids, life.  That I am not as secure financially, mentally, spiritually, physically as I see other people. But I don’t think that’s the reason I am depressed, because the day before I was content with what I have… I think it just kinda adds fuel to the fire. L
I don’t really know what triggers it. One day I can be completely fine and then the next, I wake up and I just don’t want to face no one. I want to stay in bed.  There has even been days – like yesterday- where I am fine all day then *boom* , I am depressed.

This week I am blaming it on New Years. I really dislike New Years.  I am not completely sure why… it’s started when I was younger… I say it’s because I really haven’t ever had a GREAT new years… I mean I’ve had good ones… but nothing ever consistent…ill have ONE good year… then a bunch of sucky.  It really stinks… 

This week my BF had to go home too because he started back to work yesterday. So I think that is also apart of my depression. And my house is tore up still from Christmas!! UGH! I HATE a tore up house. 

I am actually feeling a little bit better as I write this and also I went to the bathroom and as I was in there, I felt the Lord.  It was like he gave me a hug and said He’s here for me. Everything will be ok.  I love that!! J

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

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