Well its NEW YEARS week. The very last week of 2010. I am going to try and focus on New Years past, present, and future.
Today we will talk about my past New Years Eves.
If you have read previous posts, you will have learned that I hate New Years Eve. I always get really depressed and I’m not completely sure why. Ive been like this since I was at least 12 years old. L
I was thinking last week- that I haven’t spent New Years Eve with a significant other in 5year!! That’s crazy!
(2005)The last good new years that I can remember was with my duaghter’s father. It was our first New Years. I went all out (seems that became a trend for me because he sure as hell never did). I got us a hotel room because I was living at home and well he was living with his wife (I know I was horrible for that). I went and bought a radio to have music, a crap ton of candles to set the mood, alcohol for drinks and even new fancy glasses to drink out of. I also went a got roses and put rose pedals all over the bed and the floor and of course got us some dinner. It was perfect.
(2006)Funny thing… we dated for a year and a half after that. (he divorce his wife shortly after we started dating) and had one more New Year’s Eve together… which we spent separately because he got into a pissy mood and refused to go with me to my Dad’s. I refused to just stay at home. So we each sat at our different houses, text arguing back and forth all. Night. Long. It sucked.
(2007) I decided to have a party this year for New Year’s Eve. I invited my daughter’s father because I was still in love with him and he had been talking about us getting back together and whatnot. I invited my BFF and her boyfriend and my other BFF and his girlfriend and also a bunch of other friends. My mom made a bunch of food. I bought some alchol and figure it would be a fun filled night. I was wrong. My one BFF came with his girlfriend and her friend. And my ex came too and spend the entire night flirting with the friend and practically ignoring me. My friend Pam came and another friends Tina and Tom. At midnight everyone had someone it seemed and the one person I wanted to at least hug me… again completely ignored me. As everyone was leaving I asked him to stay the night. I really didn’t want to be alone. At.All. I was so depressed. He said NO and left. I ended up going to my mom’s and staying the night there since my kids were there. I couldn’t be alone.
(2008) I spent New Years Eve with my kids and my daughter’s sister’s mom and family and friends. It was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed myself that year. After her party we went home and me and Lil man shot off fireworks! Then came in had some snacks and watched a movie. All in all a pretty good new year.
(2009) This year was… well. A mix. My daughter’s father (yea him again) for the previous 2 months had been begging me to be with him again. He screwed up and would do whatever it too to make it all right. I told him fine. We had to go to counseling. He said ok… I gave him the name and number to call. He didn’t. He then said he was confused and scared. I told him I would give him till New Years Eve. He never called. I wasn’t worth it to him. I spent New years’s eve first out to dinner with my mom and family and then went to a party with my dad. It was fun. But I couldn’t shake the “im not good enough. I am not worth its” feeling that I had.
This year. I am hoping and am pretty sure will be a great one. My bf will be here. I will have both my kiddo’s. Still not really sure what we are going to do yet. My dad invited us to that party that we went to last year (if they go). So there’s that option. I might just have us stay at home and watch movies and act like its just another day… I dunno. I guess we shall see…