Monday, June 9, 2008


I have had a horrible weekend. I mean it had good moments here and there but for the overall feel of the weekend wasnt that great...
I am emotionally and physically drained today. I am losing my voice and i am completely exhausted.
Today i just want to go home and lay in bed all day... Forget about the rest of the world for a few moments!
Why does life and relationships have to be so hard? All i have dremt about since I was a lil kid was just a simple but happy life... I didnt desire to have a mansion, expensive cars or anything like that ( i mean if it were to happy i wouldnt complain! lol! ) All I have ever wanted was happines. I wanted a man in my life to love me for me... for all that i am, mind, spirit, and body... and till this day i still havent found that man... and as soon as i think maybe I have... something happens and makes me question him, us, and the whole situation. I want to be married one day. I want to be a wife, a mother, a true woman. I want to be able to be home for my family for my kids, my husband. I want to take care of him and in return feel that i am taken care of too. I dont want riches, fame, or a glamorous life syle... I simple want to be happy and to have a family.
I am just so tired of being tired all the time... I am tired of feeling like i am working for something... I am fighting for something... and in the end its not even worth the effort, its not even worth anything. I just want to share my life with someone.. and I am starting to wonder when that will actaully be... I know God had a plan for me... and I am trying to be patient right now..
I am at the point where I feel like I just need to start over... move... far away... or at least out of my 9 block radius life! Maybe if I start fresh,things will be better...
I am seriously starting to feel like I am surrounded by selfish idiots... Everyone depends on me for everything with them. Expects me to take care of every problem that may come up... then they show up afterward like nothings even happening. Why should I be the only one that has to worry everyday about who's going to watch my kids, why should I have to remind and remind and remind everyone else about thier obligations? Why do I have to be a mother to everyone??? Why cant people just be responsible for their own things? And if I dont remind remind remind... then I am the one who ends up getting screwed over... and the one that forgot.... doesnt even offer to help with the problem!!!


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