I havent been sleeping very well lately. I am not really sure why.. odd dreams... crazy feelings ... lower back pain when I sleep on my back... yet that is the way that I sleep the best in. Craziness!!!
This morning before I was fully away... I started to have this feeling of dread for the day. I don't really know why... Like already, I didnt like how the day was... but I got up and got the dogs up and outside for their morning business... and I stopped and realized how blessed I really am. God has been so good to me. Yea, I struggle almost daily with so many things... worry about bills, my kids, being a great parent, daughter, sister, friend.. but ya know what?? I am really blessed!!! I have two beautiful kids. I have a wonderful home. I have family and friends that love me so much.
I think i just need to realign my focus... which is a lot easier said than done. I am going to try and not focus so much on the things that I do not have... but stop and look at all the blessings that I do have!!
One thing I have learned about myself...that I love waking up to a clean house. Having a clean house just puts me at ease. When the house is cluttered and unorganized and there's junk everywhere, I feel out of it.. even if I am not at home, I still feel out of it. Like my world is the way my home is. I've tried to not care if my house is a mess...tell myself there is always tomorrow to clean it up, spend today with my kids. And even tho i do do that... I still in the back of my mind am thinking about my house and the mess. ugh. I need to get over that. God doesn't care about how my house looks... He cares about how my heart looks.
The devotional I read during my quiet time with God this morning was Isaiah 40:31.
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint"
This was prefect for me today.. on the Proverbs31.org devotional for today instead of the word hope- their version said wait. Those who wait in the Lord will renew their strength. I feel like my life is a constant wait. Waiting for prayers to be answered. Waiting for a husband. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. And its exhausting. I am focusing on the negative of it. I am focusing on what I am not getting, instead of thinking about that this time is being used to ready me for the answered prayers... its being used to ready me for something greater than just my prayers... during this time I need to focus on worshiping my Lord and not just demanding an answer to a prayer. I need to be thankful what where I am and who I am. I need to be thankful for the blessings that I have in my life and not focus so much on what I do not have or what I want. The Lord is good!!!
Have a wonderful weekend!!!!
Blessings N Love