Monday, March 19, 2012

being pushed.

I have been feeling this push from the Lord for at least 2 years now to start a Christian singles bible study/life group/get together. 

A few years ago, when I was going thru a hard time in my life with being single and depression I talked to my pastor about starting a singles bible study. I thought it was something that would be great for the church and something that is really needed. I know that I am not the only person in the church that struggle with being a Christian and being single.  He wasn’t very open about the idea and eventually just stopped replying to my emails.  I believe it was only a few more weeks after that, that I stopped going to that church.   I just felt very turned off by the way that he handled the whole situation.  That was two years ago.

Off and on over the past year I had the urge to start up a bible study or something but never really pursued it past the urge. I really didn’t know where to start.  This past January I felt that urge again while I was at church. That He’s pushing me towards doing this singles group, there was only one problem, I was dating someone… so technically – not single.  I prayed on it and a few weeks later my boyfriend at the time showed me his true colors and we ended up breaking up.  So here I am a month later… and doing nothing but writing a blog post about it. lol.

I have a big fear or anxiety issues when it comes to talking to people. I really don’t like calling people or talking to them about things. I barely even talk to people that I know and am friends with. I just really don’t like doing that. Let alone, trying to run a group and having to speak in front of them.  But I know that it something that I can and will have to overcome in my life. 

I also have a big fear of the unknown and of failure. I really don’t know where to start or what to talk about or anything. So that is holding me back. I don’t want to start up something and no one shows up, or that a bunch of people show up and I just stand up front of them and am like “ddddrrrruuuuhhhh?????” 

I need to pray on it more, be still and listen to what God is saying to me. I know the doors are not going to just open up for me unless I go and knock on them first.  I need to put my fear in to God’s hands and just go for it.   I need to get over my own selfish ideas and just do it.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

1 comment:

  1. You will never know til you try..if you aim for the moon and fall, there are stars there to catch you...don't stop trying, don't let fear cause you to abort a dream, vision or ministry God is trying to birth for you....I know EXACTLY where you are coming from and I TOTALLY get ya....but from someone who has let fear abort things...its not fun having to rebirth again....sighs...when God calls you, He has equipped (qualified) you as well. Start the Bible study and let God lead you and it will come to pass. DO NOT DESPISE SMALL BEGINNINGS EITHER....:) that is my encouragement for you.... stay pure in heart, humble and seek God..He will direct your path... Read Psalms 25:4....


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