Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Dear Diary,
Me and my bf had a lil talk last night. I had received a text message from an old friend... a man I had cheated on my ex with. I cheated on my ex many times... My bf was like I thot it was only once... I said no. I dont tell many people about this. It was more than once. I was young and stupid. I have no excuse... what I did was unexcusable. I will always have to live with knowing I was that person, that person who cheats. I will NEVER be that person again.
I am completely honest with my bf (and even past bf) about me cheating. Sooner or later they would find out, its not a secret.
So anyway.
My bf the other night told me that he was afraid that I would cheat on him eventually. Especially cuz I didnt cheat on my ex till years into the relationship. It didnt consume him, but it does cross his mind from time to time. It made me realize that soemthing I did YEARS ago, still effects me and my relationships till this day. And honestly if the shoes were on my feet, Id be the same way. The funny thing is. I can relate now to what my bf told me. My past boyfriend told me it bothered him and that he thot I would cheat on him too... but the way he told me was angry. It was belittling and made me feel like I needed to defend myself to him. Where my bf now talked to me about it. Explained how he felt and why. Its amazing now how much different I feel about me cheating. Before it was just something I did. Now its something shameful that I did.

God is amazing.

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