Monday, August 8, 2011

started last week...

Its one of those days… where I know I want to write something… I feel it in my soul to write something… but my mind hasn’t figured out what exactly to write.. I have a lot of different things going thru my head today.
I am an over thinking… I over analyze and I over worry. I am tryin to get better with all of it… and in a lot of areas I have… but I have my moments where I slip and there I am again. Today. I am thinking…… and thinking…. And thinking… 

That was a blog post I started last week… and never finished… Apparently that was my theme for last week! Lol.

Thursday was my mom’s birthday. I left work early and we went over to Put N Bay for the day! It was fun, but exhausting…. And it made my back hurt even worse.

Friday I called off work. I felt like poop. I had a headache and my back was killing. I still went and took baby girl to the sitter cuz I knew she would have more fun there than at home with me.. which as it turns out was good.  About 5 minutes after I got in the door from dropping her off… my stepmom called. Both her and my dad weren’t feeling good and wanted me to take them up to the ER… in the next town. Ugh. So I spend my Friday in an uncomfortable chair… waiting.  Both of them got admitted into the hospital. My dad with pneumonia and my stepmom… well I am not sure exactly what.. but she has lung cancer and has just been not feeling good lately. I know they gave her a blood transfusion on Saturday…  They are both feeling better now and hopefully will be coming home soon! J

Today once again.. I have been thinking a lot…

A friend and I were talking about this… and she said:
I really don’t get people.. you have a good man and yet you would rather be out running the streets seeing what out there instead of what you got at home.

And it made me start thinking about my own relationship…  I have a good man.. but sometimes I just don’t get him. at all.
I love him so much… probably more than I have ever loved any other man and that scares the hell out of me… especially have an issue we had last week… and that has made me question myself and our whole relationship.  It makes me doubt everything now and I don’t know what to do or how to change it… so I just keep going to see what if, because if I end it now…  I may regret it… I don’t know.  I guess its one of those things where time will tell.  

Yesterday seemed to be a hard day for so many of my friends. They were fighting with their boyfriends/girlfriends. Depressed over failed relationships… for being alone… for being unhappy with their life.   Me included. This whole weekend was just a bunch of ups and downs.  Friday night had to be the worst. I haven’t been that depressed in a while.. for no good reason..  and thankfully my bestfriend was there for me to cheer me up and put a smile on my face. J I have to have some of the bestest friends a chicky could ask for. J  

Anywho… I am gaining a lot of insight and a different perspective on life… and I am thankful for it.  
I know God has a plan… I prayed for a calmness Saturday morning and he definitely gave that to me!!  If it weren’t for HIM I would be nothing.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

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