As I am sitting here on Christmas Eve... Sitting on my wonderful new couch that my sister Katie got for me and the kids this year... I realize how very blessed I am. I am staring at my lovely Christmas tree filled with gifts below and I am know that there are so many people out there that won't ever get to experience this.
I tweeted last night that I hate the holidays. And to an extent I do. I hate that everything is always so rushed. That some family members believe that they are getting shorted on their time with either me or my children... but unfortunately that is one of the prices to pay when you have multiple divorced families in the mix. My parents are divorced so I have to split the Christmas season between them. I am divorced and I have to split the time with my son between me and his father. I guess I am lucky in a selfish way that baby girls dad doesn't expect to get her for anything on any holiday, but then it makes it harder on my baby girl because she will maybe if we are lucky only see her dad for an hour or two over the next couple days. Sadly she doesn't really know any better... so this is life.
For the last 3 years I have gone to church on Christmas eve. This will probably be the first year that I won't be going. My regular church is a half hour away and with everything else going on.. there really isn't way time wise that I could make it out there for that. My old church is having their services at odd times.. so it makes it hard for me to make it to them... so I am a little sadened this year that I wont be able to go. For the last 3 years I didn't care what was going on what we had to do... WE went to church. This year... I kinda feel like I lost a part of myself. I am back to being overly worried about trying to make everyone happy and in the process I am not going to be doing something that is the key to this whole holiday season... I know that I don't have to go to church to celebrate the birth of our Lord... but I feel like I should.
I feel like this past 4 months I have gotten so wrapped up in everything in life that I have lost something of myself. I feel like I am so worried about trying to find time for everyone else and making everyone else happy that I have lost my own will.. lost my own motivation... I guess maybe I will put that on my list of things to accomplish for 2012... Get That Back!!! lol.
Anywho this post wasn't supposed to be a ramble on about me and my own issues.. it was to be about family... celebrations... and mainly Jesus!! Its his birth!! With out him would we still have this holiday??
Today for us will be spent with my dad, brother, sister and her love, and our grandmother. We always celebrate Christmas with them on Christmas Eve mainly because of the whole divorced family situations... it just ended up being easier. This will be our first year with out my step mom bobbi... its going to be a hard Christmas.. I have already broke down and cryed thinking about it. I know she is with us in spirit... but it will be hard.. this was one of her favorite holidays. :-( I never realized I could miss someone like I do. :-(
After the get together with the family I will be taking lil man to his dad and then head out to dinner at Red Lobster with my mom, step dad and brother. Again another tradition in my life. :-) Afterwards we always head to my moms and open one gift. I feel bad that my son won't get to participate in this tradition :-( but he will be with his father this year. (we do everyother year with who has lil man on Christmas eve)
Tomorrow will be a lazy kinda day. Lil man will come home early afternoon and then we will open our gifts here and then head to my mom for Christmas over there. So its a fun filled family time. Oh and on Monday we head to my Grandmas and celebrate with the family there. :-)
So... To everyone!!! I wish you all a wonderful Christmas!!!
Enjoy the time with your family... try not to let things stress you out.. focus on the love... and the reason for the season... JESUS!!!
Blessings N Love