Monday, July 6, 2009

long love

I think its amazing. I have realized a love for my bestfriend (male) that I never realized I have had just here recently.

And I also think its amazing... that I have known this man for 2yrs now... that its take 2 years for me to realize this deep love for him... and that I have realized I dont really know him all that well.

I have known him for 2 years, yet its only been in the last 6 months that I have really gotten close with him and seen him in a different light.
Everyone keeps asking me what happened? Why did it take so long? How could your feelings changes just over night? And honestly I dont know. It wasnt anything that I had planned. It wasnt anything that I ever really thought was going to happen... It was just one night us sitting there watching a movie, like we have done so many other times... and click... those butterflys start swirling around.

But now, because I have grown a love for him over the last 2years, the love that I feel for him is so much stronger and deeper than it would be for someone I just started dating. And it scares me, because I don't know him in a lot of way... and because of my past and my insecurites, I end up doubting "us" .
I am scared that he will cheat on me, that he will lie to me, that he will screw me over... because that is what I am used to, that is what I have gotten from all the men in my past (with the exception to one)... But really that isnt fair to the new guy, to judge him on MY past. I need to let him and his actions control my fears and not my past.
The one good thing, is that because he does know my past, and I know a little bit of his... we hopefully can work thru each others securites and make "us" stronger in the long run for it.

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