Tuesday, July 15, 2008

screwiing it up

Ok.. so my boy finally asked me to be his girl friend... and everything was great... then i dunno what happen with me...
I have become so freaking insecure you wouldnt belive... and i am not really sure why.
Over the weekend my boyfriend left his old phone at my house... and i decided to play with it some... and i ended up reading a lot of his old text messages that he sent his ex's before me and him were official... or hell ever really dating dating... but it still upset me a lil bit. and i know it shouldnt have cuz i had sent similar messages to my ex too... so i told him how i felt and we talked about it and we were good..
well last nite we were sitting there and he was listening to a song on his new phone that he just downloaded... and it was a song that he said messaged his ex that it reminded him of her...
should have i gotten upset? it really hurt me. eventually i told him that it was bothering me (after like 20 min of him asking me what was wrong)... and he said that he liked the song before her.. and it was just something that one part reminded him of her at one time.. but it was still his favorite song regardless...
but ever since then.. i feel like now there is this distance between me and him... and i dunno... i am so in love with him... and yet i am so freaking scared of being hurt, being lied to and being cheated on... my ex sure did a number on me... and i didnt realize it till now...
i am trying to trust him.. and not think the way that i am thinking right now... but its hard...

am i wrong for thinking the way that i am? should i trust him? what should i do?

2 comments:

  1. Yeah well what can you do? Listen to your big sis on this. You just had over 10 years of bad relationships. You picked up a lot of bad habits. You have no trust in the men you date but why should you? You couldnt trust your last 2 relationships for different reasons. Here is the thing about it, stupid doesnt equal asshole and asshole doesnt equal new boy. Like most people you treat your new relationship like your old relationship and you cant do that because it isnt fair to new boy. You have to let him make his own mistakes. He may very well end up hurting you or you may end up hurting him but you cant punish him or yourself for sins that have not happened yet. If you do then you are sabotaging everything and you might as well stop now. So he still talks to his ex gf, you are still talk to both your ex's on a regular basis and no its not different because you have kids. In fact your bond with your exes is stronger then the bond he had with his ex because you have children. Your children are used as pawns by your ex's to get you to do the things they want you to do. I guess what I am saying is, you both had lives before each other and if you didnt then you wouldnt be the people you are today and therefore you might not even like each other if your lives didnt happen the exact way things did. Let new boy know that you have issues to work through and your are crazy about things and you have every right to be but at the same time you have to work to get over them. I am sure he is crazy about things to, so be understanding about that. New boy is a good guy, he actually loves your children and they arent his and he doesnt care, he has a job, he has his own friends and lets you have your own. He doesnt care that we have a crazy ass family. These are all good points, he is starting off far better then any others. Just breathe and relax and take things one day at a time. Dont focus on the negative, which i know is hard because especially with asshole that is all he did. Focus on the fun you and new boy seem to always have and take the bad when it comes. Time will tell what happens but let it happen dont force things. I love you, your dad loved you, my mom loves your, your kids love you, your mom and ken love you, barb loves you. We will love you enough till someone comes a long that loves you as much as we do. Hopefully new boy is it, if not you'll find someone else....I like new boy though, I think he is good for you but that part is up to you.

    alright thats my novel, love you miss you peace

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  2. I really understand where you are coming from...I am the same way because of what Brett and Travis put me through. It doesn't matter how nice the new guy is or how great it is, I always think back to what those 2 guys put me through and that was years ago. It is actually finally starting to fade and I actually really am starting to trust guys now, but sometimes it is always in the back of my mind...who is he talking to??? You just have to try and open up and trust that thing will be different this time and hopefully they will! Just give him a chance!!

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