It has been way to long since I've last posted. Things have been a bit crazy in the last few weeks...
I am still trying to get used to the whole getting up at 6am to get the kids ready for school. Ugh. It's tough!!
Something that I have been wanting write about for at least the last couple weeks is just how amazed I am at my Lord. I can look back at the last 5-6 months and see how much He has worked in my life. How much He has been there. How much He has been there helping navigate... and helped me get back onto the right path towards HIM.
Last March I met a man and even tho at that time I really didn't want a boyfriend at all... this man pursued me... and we started dating, fell in love, and I thought he was "the one". But then we started living our relationship how both of always had with others in our past. We were living our relationship in the way of the world. He started staying the night more and more and we were sleeping together intimately more and more. The devil started to win the relationship... and slowly we started to crumble because we didn't have Jesus in the middle of us. It was only us.
We ended up breaking up... and because of a few things I put a wall up and even though he wanted to work things out, I couldn't let him because of that wall... and now looking back, I know that it was supposed to happen. If I had let him back in at that moment, we would have ended up just right back in the way of the world all over again. I wasn't strong enough at that point. I wasn't strong enough to say No if he tried to get in my pants.
During the next few months, he continued to pursue me. I tried to push him away. And I let the devil pull me closer to him and I became having an intimate relationship with another man. That was all there was between me and the other man really because I didn't want more. No matter how hard I tried to "like" this other man in any type of way... I couldn't. My heart was closed off to everyone.
This went on for a few months till probably about a month/month and a half ago when I felt God telling me one Sunday that I needed to stop. I needed to live the life that He wanted me to. I needed to live the life that I wanted. I had started taking biblical classes that lead to becoming a pastor. How could I keep living the life that I was and be pursuing something like that. So I told the other man that I needed to stop. He was upset and didn't understand why. He took it personal and thought that maybe there was someone else. The only other person there was- was Jesus. It was a hard choice to make, but it was one that needed to be made.
The man that had broke up with me was still pursuing me... and I still continued to push him away. I wanted to grow in my relationship with God before I could ever even consider having a relationship with someone else...
God continued to work with me... with my heart... and eventually it began to soften towards that man again. Now we are taking it day by day... stregthening our relationship more and more and trying to put God in the middle of it this time. We about everything and anything. And anything that either of us have an issue with, we are talking it out, and working through everything... so I guess we shall see what the Lord has in mind. :-)
I am just in awe of the way the Lord has worked in my life... how he has used so many things in my life, to bring me back to him. How he has answered so many prayers of mine, and even more how he's not answered some.
Blessings N Love