Well since I have last posted... I have struggling with so many things.
I am really starting to think the devil is after me hard.
This has been a very hard month!! I have feel so blessed in so many ways but its been a struggle.
I know it was God that Brett and I are back together.
I know it was God that I now have a part time job.
I know it was God that moved and blessed so many situations in my life.
I feel like because I was so close to God and I was receiving blessings the devil has to come after me.
With in the first couple weeks of getting the job, I got the flu and missed a day of work. My daughter missed a day of school, so I had to miss work. From the time that I got the flu, I continued to just feel blah. Extremely tired, light headed, nauseated. -
Brett and I have had petty little fights about stuff. We always talk everything out and are fine... but still I hate that we have our little "fights".
Last week as I was going to sleep... I felt this negative demonic presence next to me- next to the bed... I heard it whispering to me... " I see the wall" I felt paralyzed. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak...nothing! Finally I was able to break free from this. The next morning however I woke up with such a horrible stiff neck that I was in tears from pain!!! The pain lasted strong for at least 3 or 4 days... My neck still is sore but no where near that.
I have been dealing with my depression hardcore for the last month. Just have felt worthless... like I am a bad mom... like all I do is nag and complain. I have started worrying about finances and if I am going to be able to pay all of my bills. I am exhasuted mentally, physically and spiritually. Every single day has been a struggle.
But I know my God loves me!!! I know He's right here with me. And the struggles lead to strength... strength in my faith... strength in my love... strength in my mind.
My God is an awesome God and even tho I may struggle from time to time...I know HE has a great plan for all of this!!! I know that the closer I get to the Lord... the more the devil will have to work to get me back... except... IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!! I may fail, mess up and sin... but my heart belongs to my Lord. PERIOD!!!
Love and Blessings