Friday, January 8, 2010

being a Christian... its hard sometimes

it is hard being a Christian today.... in this society...
Sometimes not being a Christian would be so much easier... seriously... it really would be...
*gasp.. a Christian girl said its easier not to be a Christian.*

Honestly, this blog has been rolling around in my head for days as certain different situation arise in my life...

I try my hardest to be a "good" Christian... even tho daily watching other people who say they are Christians (via facebook, twitter, myspace, and real life), I sometimes wonder how good I actually am...

Almost daily I face many struggles that people do not realize... or maybe they do because I blog about my issues... I tweet about my frustrations, and I publicize my life on facebook....

But deep down... I struggle.
I wonder sometimes if being a Christian is the right way to go.. I mean there other religions out there... is Jesus the right way?? Deep down in my heart of hearts... I think Jesus is the only way... but i do wonder from time to time... what if...
I struggle with being "normal" in this society... going out drinking with my friends regularly, having sex before marriage (obviously i struggled a lot with this), putting myself first: being selfish, having lustful thoughts... Over all just living life like a normal 27yr old... but then again.. I always wanted to be different.

I would love to be able to go out with my friends and get "trashed" and party it up... It would be a lot easier than sitting at home with my kids reading my bible...

I would love to be able to just date any guy out there... and not worry about his morals and his religious beliefs.. oh that would make life so much more easier.

I would like to be able to think about that guy across the room... and how hot he is... and oh what I would love to be able to do with him if we were alone..

It would be nice to not have to live up to a certain "standard" that people put on me because I am a Christian... and I don't blame them... I do the same thing.

I struggle with knowing what is right and what is wrong in the Christian world.

Is it wrong to go out to a bar? If that is ok...
is it wrong to drink? If that is ok...
how many drinks are too many?
Is it ok to get drunk and act normal?
Is it ok to dance provocatively?
Is it ok to dance at all?
Is it ok to swear?
Is it ok to watch/read/listen to music/be around people where you hear swearing in every other word?
Is it ok to hate your job?
Is it ok to not "do your job" the whole 8hrs your are there?
Is it ok to not read your bible every single day?
Is it ok to not pray 24/7?
Is it ok to smoke?
Is it ok to do drugs?
Is it ok to live with a person you love w/o being married?
Is it ok to have sex with a person you are in love with w/o being married?
Is it ok to fight/argue?
Is it ok to "air" your business on any social network site?

and the list goes on and on...

Now I know the bible has certain verses that pertain to some of these... and a lot of these verses can be taken many different ways... for and against.

I believe in Jesus Christ... I believe that He came, sacrificed himself so that we may go to heaven. I believe that without a shadow of doubt in my head.
Yea sometimes it would just be easier to turn toward the easier path that society has created... and there have been times that I was weak and did go that way... strayed off the "right" path many many times... and I am sure I will again. Does that make me a bad Christian??

It would be easier to act wild and crazy... to be promiscuous... to drown my sorrows in alcohol, men and/or drugs...

But honestly... I would rather not....

I want to be a Christian.
I enjoy not being "trashed" when I go and hang out with my friends and then being hung over and feeling like crap the next day.
Yes, I swear from time to time... I try my hardest not too.. but it does slip out.
Yes, I enjoy having a couple drinks from time to time... (and normally pay for it if I have 1 too many... but don't take that as I am crazy drunk or anything like that)
And yes I struggle with sexual ideas, sex and anything to do with that... (i would say that my biggest issue lol)

I am not a perfect person... but I am still a Christian... is that possible??!! yes.. we are human... and only human... we fall short of perfection... EVERYONE does...

I still struggle day to day with my things that go thru my mind, my heart and also my actions... and I am sure even by my peers I will be judged for it all... I will survive...

My heart belongs to the Lord. period.

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