venting...

Ok.. I am stressing out today...
I have been thinking way too much about my bills and everything... and so do not have enough money to pay any of them!!!
I am gettin pissed off at people in generall... I hate when someone tells me that they will help me pay for something... then dont and I know damn well that they never had any intentions ..ing me in the first place... they just said it to get what they want and then thats it.. they are done!!! its so frustrating and pisses me off so bad... why can't they just be a fuckin man and live up to to what they say... otherwise dont fucking say it!!!!
sorry... im just in a pissy mood today... stressed out... and just kinda needed to vent.. i am just tired of idiots and false promises... i know damn well that if i promise anything... i make sure i go thru with it... cuz i know i dont want to be known as the person who doesnt keep their word on something...
i know i have made a shit ton of mistakes in my past... and at times i feel like i am still paying for a lot of those mistakes... but i have learned from them... i am trying to grow from them... and move on and be better because of them!!! why can others do the same...
i hate when someone comes at me and apologized for the mistakes they made... and wonder why i dont believe them that they are sorry and that they wont do it again... yet... there they go doing the same damn thing... just slightly different... and they are too damn stupid to even realize what it is that they are doing!!!! yet i am supposed to believe that they have changed?? fuck that.
i hate when someone come at me with a bold face lie... and i prove to them that they are lying about it.... and yet they still insite they are not lying... i may be dumb at time... but i am not stupid!!! it may take me a min or two to figure shit out... but i will!!!!!!
i guess i am just tried of fighting all these battles all the time... i feel like i am responsible for so much.. and i am not sure how much more i can handle... i know the Lord only gives me what i can handle... and i know i can keep going... i have faith in Him. and my strenght is thru Him... just sometimes it all becomes so overwhelming... like i have a huge sack of burdens on my back.... and i am about to tip over from it... (read the pilgrims progress) and i know the Lord is here helping me thru... and honestly that is the only thing that is getting me thru it all!!!
i just want to be a good mom to my kids... not be stressed out all the time... and it seems like anymore ... thats all i am stressed... snapping too quickly at my babys... no patience what so ever for anything... and do their fathers help... nope... and yet the one father has the fucking audacity to get pissed cuz i have a new man in my life... and in his eyes is taking his place as a father... but what the hell... if he aint in the picture... if he doesnt come to see his child... then what the f. does he think??
where do i find all the idiots.. lol. i am seriously starting to think i have a big sign stuck to my forehead that says sucker on it....
am i that desperet for love that i fall for anything????
my new man is great... i cant really complain.. he makes me feel special... actually shows me he loves me.. yea we have our issues with each other already.. but hey ... we are human.. who doesnt... but i do like him... and am gonna see what the future holds for us....
alright.. enuf venting for the moment.. even tho i may be on again after a bit... with more ramblings... lol.
God Bless ya'll