UGH.

Ugh.  Today is a down day. 

The devils whispering lies into my heart and I am believing him.

I went to bed last night feeling down and woke up even worse this morning. UGH.

My son got suspended from school yesterday.  He had too many detentions, so he ended up suspended.  He talked back to the teachers, wouldn't listen to the teachers when asked to stop doing something, acting out, not being prepared.   He received 3 detentions in the last week.  

Now, I don’t like his school nor his principal all that much, but my son needs to learn discipline and respect…so because he is being punished at school, he will be punished at home also. 

Luckily today my mom is off work today so he is able to stay with her.  I told him that he was not aloud to play on the computer over there.. and that he will be helping his grandparents with any thing that they need done. Also that in between him working, I wanted to finish all the homework that he has due on Friday and write two books from the bible. I don't want him to have a moment to just sit there and watch tv. This is not a vacation for him and I definitely don’t want him to enjoy this day off so that he will want to get suspended again. 

This morning he didn't want to get up.  Finally he did and went to the kitchen. When I got in there, I saw that he was playing on the phone.  When I said something to him about he’s not aloud to play on the phone, that’s when the attitude and the arguing started.  I told him that he wasn't supposed to be paying on it.  He argued that I told him yesterday that he could play. I don’t remember saying that.. but sadly my brain is a jumbled mess the past few days so maybe I did. I told him fine. He could play it till we left but he was not taking the phone to my moms, because he wasn't going to sit around and play on the phone all day.  And then more arguing.   In the mean while I am also trying to get my daughter all put together and out the door too because she does have to go to school and be there at a certain time.   We get to my moms and he storms into the house.. repeatedly telling me that he’s not going to write. He’s not doing anything.   I had to leave at this point and I asked him to come kiss me goodbye. He said no.  I told him I loved him and walked out. I couldn't handle it anymore. 

I don’t know what to do.  Today, right now, I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there.  I feel like a failure.  I feel like my son doesn't love me.  Sometimes I wonder if it would be better for him to be with his father. That maybe he does need that male figure in his life… but I know if I have him go live with his father, he will feel that I am choosing his sister over him.

I feel like he is Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  One minute, he is a sweet heart.  The next day the opposite. 

Its just not a good day for me emotionally or mentally. 

I am feeling very down on myself and my life right now. L

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama