being pushed.

I have been feeling this push from the Lord for at least 2 years now to start a Christian singles bible study/life group/get together. 

A few years ago, when I was going thru a hard time in my life with being single and depression I talked to my pastor about starting a singles bible study. I thought it was something that would be great for the church and something that is really needed. I know that I am not the only person in the church that struggle with being a Christian and being single.  He wasn’t very open about the idea and eventually just stopped replying to my emails.  I believe it was only a few more weeks after that, that I stopped going to that church.   I just felt very turned off by the way that he handled the whole situation.  That was two years ago.

Off and on over the past year I had the urge to start up a bible study or something but never really pursued it past the urge. I really didn’t know where to start.  This past January I felt that urge again while I was at church. That He’s pushing me towards doing this singles group, there was only one problem, I was dating someone… so technically – not single.  I prayed on it and a few weeks later my boyfriend at the time showed me his true colors and we ended up breaking up.  So here I am a month later… and doing nothing but writing a blog post about it. lol.

I have a big fear or anxiety issues when it comes to talking to people. I really don’t like calling people or talking to them about things. I barely even talk to people that I know and am friends with. I just really don’t like doing that. Let alone, trying to run a group and having to speak in front of them.  But I know that it something that I can and will have to overcome in my life. 

I also have a big fear of the unknown and of failure. I really don’t know where to start or what to talk about or anything. So that is holding me back. I don’t want to start up something and no one shows up, or that a bunch of people show up and I just stand up front of them and am like “ddddrrrruuuuhhhh?????” 

I need to pray on it more, be still and listen to what God is saying to me. I know the doors are not going to just open up for me unless I go and knock on them first.  I need to put my fear in to God’s hands and just go for it.   I need to get over my own selfish ideas and just do it.


Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama